I can’t cope

I go to work at 5:30 in the morning @RiverSeal. I have my brother and his girlfriend plus my niece and her boyfriend staying tonight. I’ve had to get everything together to have a bbq with my parents as well tonight.

The anxiety of all going on tonight is what is causing me problems. My brother and my mother are my 2 biggest triggers.

Im going through a really really difficult time right now with unhelpful thoughts and urges and wanting to end it all. All week I’ve had to go to a lot of events and try and put on a mask. I don’t cope well with people when I’m at my best. This week has been exceptionally hard.

Ok @Captain24, I understand a lot more now and that sounds like an anxious time if your mum and brother are your biggest triggers. How are the preparations for the bbq going and are the others helping you?

Sounds like if you are working at 5:30 am tomorrow that you could get an early night and avoid some of the evening if you are able. Would that be possible for you do you think? Just a suggestion.

How can you try to not focus on the unhelpful thoughts and urges this evening?

RiverSeal

My brother and co will be here at 8 as they are travelling @RiverSeal. My parents will be here around 7. I’ve done everything. The only thing that my olds are doing is actually cooking the meat. I’m exhausted. I have all the salads made and everything ready so I just have to put it all out.

Im hoping I can head off to bed at around 10. They will all still be up but my room is down the back of the house so hopefully that will work.

With everyone here at least I can say I am safe and won’t act on the urges. As I can’t when I’m not on my own.

So far everything has been ok. They have all gone out to the bottle shop. I’m just waiting for them to come back. My olds have gone home.

I’m exhausted and just want to go to bed. I’ve had negative thoughts the whole night. The prn has stopped another anxiety attack. I don’t know if I can fake it for long when they get back. That dark cloud is enveloping me rapidly

@Captain24 hoping last night ended ok and work is going well for you.

Sending lots of strength and love 💌💌

I’m still at work for the next 15 mins. I am really really not ok. Work was fine but I’m in such a dark cloud that I just don’t want to go on.

Please take care for the next 15 mins and maybe we can chat after. How long does it take to get home? @Captain24

I’m just walking to my car @tyme. I’ll be home around 7:45

@Captain24 ,

Take your time. We will chat soon.