I can’t cope

oh my @Captain24 I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

It is hard when we are expected to go to things, even when we are not up to it.

Sending lots of strength and love your way 💕💕

Hi @Captain24
This sounds so hard. I'm sitting with you and want you to know you're not alone 💛

It's so difficult masking. I do it all the time especially when family is around and I can't be my authentic self. I especially understand the effects of weight gain and how it can be hard to bring yourself to do these things. My family fat shame me and police me about my body, its so hard to experience this. I am still figuring out ways to keep myself safe in these experiences. I am trying to move towards not attending events that don't serve me anything positive... hopefully I can do this at some point.

Are there ways you can keep yourself grounded and safe? A time frame or taking lots of breaks in between to be with yourself? Some suggestions.. I acknowledge this is hard for you.

Thinking of you 💜

Sending lots of light for your day,
fluffylight

Hey @Captain24 ,

How's things for you today? I read that you have been really busy with this family event?

Hope you are okay.

Thanks @lola @Snowie @fluffylight @tyme.

It’s been a really long hard day. I kept my mask on for most of it so I’m feeling really exhausted.

Mum kept looking at my stomach and would rub her none existent one and say that she needed to lose weight. That felt degrading. But other than that she was pretty good.

I spent from 10am until 3 pm outside in the freezing cold weather. The wind was coming of snow so it was icy! I had to eat a lunch that was served. I wasn’t happy about that. Then we had to drive back home to attend another Vietnam vet thing in our town. Pixie’s boyfriend’s mum was at my house for a couple of hrs to feed pixie and for the 2 of them to play. When she left she rang us as there was an accident between my house and town. So we had to turn around and head a different way into town. It was an extra 30mins when I was only 10mins from town.

Then I was outside in the cold again for another 2 hrs. My cousins that have come to town wanted me to go out to dinner with a group of other family members. But at this stage I didn’t know if it was going to be 35mins for me to get home. Lucky the road was opened and it only took me 5. But I just can’t face anymore people today. I can’t make anymore small talk. I can’t eat another meal. I feel really guilty for letting them down but I just can’t.

None of this is making any sense.

This is what my head feels like. It’s just thoughts running around that don’t make any sense. The world is so dark right now. I’m at a point where I just don’t know what to do with myself. Then to top it all off my brother, his girlfriend, my niece and her boyfriend are all coming to stay tomorrow. I have to fake it all again.

I just can’t!!! I can’t face it all again. But I somehow have too.

I am totally miserable right now

Let's stop and take a breath first.....

Count....

BREATHE....

Now, you have done incredibly well today. I acknowledge it wasn't easy at all, yet you did it. You pushed yourself to do the best you could.

I hear how hard it must have been and how exhausting. At the same time, you did it.

Well done.

Reflect on what you have been able to do.

Give yourself some space, and we can chat about the second half later.

You got through the day @Captain24 so that is an achievement in itself.

I hope tomorrow goes ok, hopefully they are not at your house for long.

They are staying overnight and going home Sunday @Snowie. I have to work Sunday so I’ll leave the house at 5:30am. I do have to organise a BBQ for tomorrow night though. So no rest for me tomorrow.

I have had a long hot shower and put warm clothes on @tyme

Nice re the hot shower @Captain24 . I'm still curious to know whether you will be allergic to an oodie. I bought another three.

I'm asking because I'm allergic to wool too, but I the oodies are fine for me. When I wear a woollen beanie or jumper, I get a rash and get all itchy.

Lol @Captain24 . I just googled it. 'Sherpa' wool is fake stuff - polyester lol

Go get yourself one 🙂