I can’t cope

I’m just a fat lump of a person that is a waste of oxygen @Jynx. I doubt anyone would care anyway. It would only be what I could have been doing for them.

Your brain is being very cruel to you right now hun, might be good moment to take a few deep breaths and take some time to tell yourself those things are not remotely true @Captain24. It sounds like you're in a really crappy place, I really hope you can reach out to someone to talk about what you're experiencing. You shouldn't be alone in this.

I deserve it @Jynx

Why though @Captain24? I'm sure you could rattle off a list of the awful things you think about yourself but truly, deep down, you're an incredibly good person. You are always here to support others. You care deeply and want good things for people. Why do you deserve to suffer? You don't. No one does. I wish you could see you how I see you.

I don’t see a good person @Jynx. I’m self-centred and selfish

Hey @Captain24 ,

I just jumped onto your conversation. I don't see you have selfish or self-centred.

Hey @Captain24 just coming by to offer some support and hugs tonight. Hearing things are hard.
I had that horrible random pdoc months ago say I was a selfish person. That really broke me. When I relayed what he said to me back to other people in my team, they were shocked and that he should never of said that. It then came up in my appointment with my pdoc on Friday. She agreed with him. That I was selfish. It broke me all over again. Ripped the bandaids off that people had put over that wound to ‘try and make me feel better’. Now I question everything. Question everything that people say to try and convince me of what my brain is making me believe. Do people really believe it?? Do people really think we are kind caring people and our brains are lying to us?? Or is it just what they ‘should’ say to try make us feel better??? Maybe everyone has been lying to me all along???

not in any way saying or agreeing with what you are saying about yourself. But just thoughts that are swimming around in my head today and triggered some things when you said you believed you were selfish.

I hope you are able to sleep

Good morning @Captain24

Wishing you a good day today, hoping it is better than yesterday.

Sending lots of love 💕💕

I’m at a training day for work @Snowie. I’m sitting in a room with 50 people. I’m struggling being around so many people.

The rest of today is in Mental Health. I hope it’s ok and not too triggering or I will have to walk out like last time. I’m really concerned about it. I don’t want everyone to look at me if I can’t deal with it.

The people I’m sitting with are joking about suicide. It’s making it really hard before it even starts. It’s all I’ve being thinking about doing in recent times.