I can’t cope

I’m suppose to see my psych tomorrow @Jynx. If I don’t give in. My CM is only here for another month and then I get a new one.

My anxiety is too high to be able to call.

It’s just all too much and too hard today. The thoughts are just getting worse. Not better. I’m just a useless piece of shit.

Im not worth it.

Aww hugs @Captain24 things are really rough for you today. I'm glad you've got your psych appt coming up, will you be able to be super open about where you're at?

Hmm what about Lifeline chat? I think SCBS also has a chat you could look into?

You're far from useless, far from anything that your mind is telling you right now. You are so, so, SO worth every bit of it. I'll sit with ya all night cos you're worth so much to me and to this community and to the world.

Thanks @Jynx.

I did the BB chat. It shows how dark of a place I’m in to reach out. It was ok. They suggested I put all my meds out of reach. To try and remove some of the temptation.

I will try and be super honest tomorrow with my psych. Maybe she can give me some support.

I just feel like a failure. I just want it all to end. I just can’t keep doing this. I know that I will give in eventually.

@Captain24 I'm glad that it was an alright experience for you - and don't hesitate to jump on and chat with them again if you need to. Have you put your meds away yet? It sounds like a good idea, in your own time of course but taking that step should help.

Nothing, nothing is ever certain. You're not a failure for struggling to cope with the super heavy and horrible stuff you're tryna deal with. You're human and you're doing the best you can with what you've got - and from where I'm sitting, it's a whole heck of a lot. That sounds like success to me.

Maybe write out some notes of what you wanna tell your psych? Sometimes I find it easier to rattle off some notes than to try to articulate it in the moment. Hopefully she will be able to provide you with what you need. I know one of the things we all need is love, so I'm sending a big, big pile of it your way 💜💖

I haven’t put them away yet @Jynx. I know I should but …

I’ll write something down to hand to her. It might be easier. I have so much I need help with.

Thanks for the pile of love. I really need it right now if I have a chance of getting through.

I’m hoping so @outlander. Sometimes she can be really great. But not lately.

I can’t do this. I just can’t. I’m so sorry.

I see my psych in 2 hrs. I don’t want to go. What am I suppose to tell her? That I’m a loser that can’t function at life? That I didn’t take any meds last night because I didn’t trust my self to not to take too many? That I get on my scales a minimum of 4 times a day? I’m just a waste of time? I’m just useless and not worth worrying about?

I would be as honest as possible @Captain24 . So yes if you are feeling all of that, I would let her know. If you aren't honest you are doing yourself any favours. Please go see her and let us know how you go.

x