I can’t cope

Something else I grew to do was to nip things in the bud. If something didn't seem 'right', I'd be the first the clarify things rather than wait for it to go down the grapevine and get twisted.

I've come to a very 'meh?' attitude. I think I used to try and be in control of things. Now, I've learnt to just accept the things I cannot change @Shaz51 @Captain24

It takes time.

I’m the one that usually lets people walk all over me. I just cower in the background. It to a lot for me to confront her. @tyme @Shaz51.

It did give me a little confidence though.

I'm not sure if I could do it again or if I could stop it before it gets out of hand but at least I did manage to do it once.

I really don’t have any confidence

Maybe this is something you can speak to your psychologist with? @Captain24 It's not about yelling at people or getting your way, but more about assertiveness for when it's needed.

I can talk to my psych about it. I see her on Tuesday. @tyme. I might need to write a list. I need to see if she can help with my obsession with the scales too.

My life is becoming a mess. But I guess as my CM keeps telling me it’s all my fault.

How has your day been?

@Captain24 wrote:

My life is becoming a mess. But I guess as my CM keeps telling me it’s all my fault.

I'm confused. What does your CM mean by the above? It's your fault because i guess it's no one else's life but your own? At the same time, your fault because you couldn't control things that have happened in the past??

BTW, lists help make my time with my psych super useful. I collate it all together and then blah it out when I 'finally' get to have a session. It then becomes productive.

Yes, assertiveness is a big topic.

She says I’m self sabotaging @tyme. It’s really not helpful.

I do need learn assertiveness maybe with my CM too.

Hrmmm... ouch. There are some people who I see self-sabotage a lot, but I haven't found that with you so much. I feel that you do give things a go and you do want change @Captain24 .

But then again, I'm only speaking online. Still...ouch. Hearing that can hurt a lot.

It does @tyme it hurts a lot. I think I’m trying. I never miss an appointment. I try all suggestions. I’m really giving it my all to get out of this.

It’s done some damage. She has also done some damage in other ways too.

Maybe it's good to speak about that too? @Captain24 Looking back on my journey, I don't think I could give myself the credit that I even tried when things were bad. At least i can see you give things a go.

Have a think about it, and if the opportunity arises, maybe the convo can be, "I noticed you said I self-sabotage a lot. I'm not sure if you realise, but I am actually trying my best, so what was said was quite unexpected and I felt hurt by it"... I don't know. Something along those lines 🙂

Anyway, I'm off now, but I'll be on tomorrow sometime. We can chat then.

Hi @Captain24 , How are you today? Do you have anything planned this weekend?