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Something’s not right

I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

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In response to: I can’t cope

tymeModerator

Re: I can’t cope

Sorry to hear it didn't help @Captain24 . At least you gave it a go.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

My CM just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t get me either. It’s just a waste of both our time.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

BowSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 I’m sorry. Sounds like your appointment didn’t go so well?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

No it didn’t @Bow. She doesn’t seem to get that as the day wears on everything gets worse. She blames everything on dads cancer diagnosis and my eating habits. She keeps telling me I’m improving and I’m nearly better. Just to drink water with electrolytes and everything will be fine. Everything is not fine. Also she said if I go out to dinner with a friend I will feel better. I don’t have any friends here. I am not ok. The smallest thing triggers me off. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. Maybe I should just try again. Maybe it’ll work this time. Or maybe they will see that I am not ok.

I don’t want to be alive anymore.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

BowSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

That sounds really frustrating to have someone working alongside you like that @Captain24 your CM sounds very dismissive. Mine is like that sometimes too. It’s hard when our supports don’t seem to understand how bad things are for us. When I get to that place and they don’t hear me, I find writing things down can sometimes help. Are you being completely honest with them? Sometimes the gaps between what they know and what is really going on inside for us can be a barrier.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

Thanks @Bow. I’m going to email her later and try a describe what it is that I’m feeling in the moment and how hard it is for me to keep going. She keeps making early appointments and I am usually fairly ok as I haven’t been up for long.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

Just ordered more scripts. Not my smartest move with how I’m feeling. But what ever will be will be

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

It’s so dark. I’m feeling so alone. I wish things were so different. I hate my life. I hate me. I wish I wasn’t here. Why me?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

fluffylightSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

Hi @Captain24

I'm sorry things are feeling hard right now 💛

The journey can be dark and it can be lonely sometimes. I know how dark and lonely it can be.. especially the hate that comes with all this.

I want to remind you that you are not alone.

You seem to have a hard time with your CM. How are things for you?

fluffylight x

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

I’m broken. I’m done. I should probably log off before I say something I shouldnt

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