I can’t cope

I hope she can help @outlander. I don’t think they have the resources for home visits.

I will ask. Most of the pharmacists know me there. I’m sure they will help. Just until I can get through this.

My CM hasn’t gotten back to

me @outlander. My old one would have by now.

I’ve rang the pharmacy and it has been sorted I pick up a couple tomorrow and the rest when I need them or when I am safe.

I’ve just heard about my dads cancer results. It has spread. He has a large mass in his left side near his bowel. He still has to have the next scan on Tuesday to see what that shows. If it shows that it’s on his bowel there is nothing they can do for him other than hormone treatment. If it’s not on his bowel then he can have it removed and do radiation for a month.

It’s really selfish of me but it’s not what I need right now.

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened. It sounds like it has been very difficult for you the last few days.

I'm also so sorry to hear about your dad. I acknowledge that it is not what you need right now.

Sitting with you @Captain24 . We care about you.

Thanks @tyme

It’s been really hard. I did something really stupid last night and have paid for it all day.

I woke up needing to be sick but I have nothing in my stomach. I’ve been really lethargic and my body has been aching. I’m so sick but it’s my own fault and I deserve it. I’m also stuck with the shame.

I’ve been punishing myself all day.

I hate myself and I don’t know what to do. I also have other concerning issues but I don’t see my dietitian foe 6 weeks. I think I’ll be in real trouble by then.

Now I’m praying that that is as far as dads cancer has spread. I cant lose him.

Sorry you have missed so much.

I am nowhere near being ok.

That sounds so tough @Captain24 . And I'm reading you have contacted your CM?

My CM just emailed me back @outlander @tyme.

All it says is that the dietitian has spoken to her and I can discuss my problem’s tomorrow.

I don’t think she gets how distressed I am. I really miss my old one. I really need her right now. I wanted to end my life last night and gave it an go and feel the same tonight.

I also wanted to know if I should take my meds tonight after last night.

Hey @Captain24 I was just in the middle of writing you an email, so it'll be a lil check in now as well. Keep an eye out.

It sucks when new support people aren't as good as the old ones. We grow to have certain standards of the kind of care we feel is sufficient. Which is a good thing in my opinion! Means we can be discerning about who we choose to keep working with.

Has this CM been good in other ways? Could you express to her that things are more serious and that you really could use a bit more support?