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Something’s not right

I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

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In response to: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

Please do @outlander

Im sitting out in the sun but it’s not very warm.

I need to talk but I don’t know what to say. It’s just all too hard.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

that sounds really nice @Captain24 its sunny here but the wind is so cold

it can be hard to know what to say when things are just to hard. what about starting with just one thing on your mind right now thats affecting you today?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

When the breeze dies down the sun isn’t to bad @outlander.

I guess worthlessness and shame is a start.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

i can understand those emotions @Captain24 i also experience those as well.
i dont see you as worthless though. youve told me many positive things about yourself like you work, you help your parents and you also support people on the forums. thats far from worthless in my eyes. i do understand though and its such a tough emotion to deal with.
what makes you feel like your worthless? only if youd like to share

is the shame surrounding what happened last night?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

I’m sorry you feel it too @outlander. No one deserves to feel it.

I don’t feel as though I have anything in life. From the outside looking in it looks good. I feel like I don’t have much to offer. I feel like I am nothing.

The shame is mostly around last night but I also feel shame for being like this

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24

it might not be much help but i do get it. i feel much the same as you. people looking outside see the things im doing to but on the inside i still feel worthless and just arent good enough.

the shame i also understand. i think our brains become so conditioned to make us think theres things wrong and that we should be ashamed for how we think. it doesnt mean its true though

you are a good person though. i remember you also saying that one day youd like to do Peer support work and that takes a special kind of person to be able to even want to support other people through some of the toughest moments of thier lives

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

Thanks for being so understanding @outlander. I do appreciate it.

Thank you for the kind words. I need them right now. But I don’t see it.

I really can’t do this. It’s all too hard and I want/need to give up. Part of me is glad last night didn’t work as it’s selfish and inconsiderate but most of me is wishing it did.

Im so sorry. I shouldnt be putting this on you. If you need to step away I understand.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

it is hard to see anything good about ourselves @Captain24
my new therapist intentionally uses specific words that arent harmful but are uncomfortable to me like using the word good or great for my accomplishments becuase its so hard for me to accept or acknowledge when ive been able to do something good.

i understand when its to hard to do anything and you feel like the best option is to give up. i cant take that away but i can sit with you in the darkness with understanding and empathy to what your experiencing.

Do you think you can keep yourself safe today?

i have faith in you that you can get through this. im wondering if your not able to keep yourself safe and the planning keeps appearing you might consider seeking help at the hospital?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

It’s so hard to hear and accept @outlander

Our hospital here isn’t really equipped for MH. They would probably just transfer me out.

I have emailed my CM though, asking if I can discuss something without being admitted.

Am I safe? All I can answer is I think so.

I do need to pick up 2 script’s tomorrow as I now don’t have enough to get me through the weekend. I will ask them if I can just take I few until next week though.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: I can’t cope

thats tough being more rural as well @Captain24

i hope your CM can help, maybe they can get a mental health nurse to come out to your home once or twice a week or have extra check in stages with a mental health team.

when you get to the pharmacy just ask them if you can take a week supply at a time for safety reasons. many are quite happy to make up webster packs as well so you are only restricted to a couple of days-a week at a time
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