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I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor16 June 2022, 9:48 pm AEST

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

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In response to: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor10 July 2023, 8:58 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

6 days straight is hard @outlander. How do you go with swapping from days to nights?

I’ve got a psychologist appointment in the morning then I’m babysitting mums dog while dad travels for another scan. Then I work the next 5 days. 2 day shifts then 3 nightshifts. I work 12.5hr days with 45 mins travel each way. So needless to say I don’t do much other than sleep when I get home

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor10 July 2023, 9:02 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

it can be hard @Captain24 its harder when i care for someone who also lives with me and requires care so i generally only get an hour or 2 sleep when i get home from night shift.
its ok if i have a couple of consisten shifts but its swapping between morning, arvo and night shifts across the next days. when i have afternoon shifts though i tend to sleep in abit more and rest abit more

that sounds like a tough work schedule too. my shifts are only around 10 hours and i only need to travel 15 minutes to work so im lucky in that respect.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor10 July 2023, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

The swapping between shifts must be so hard. @outlander. I know shift work is hard but at least I do a couple of days then a couple of nights so there is only one adjustment to make. I wouldn’t be able to cope with that little sleep coming off nightshift. That’s a credit to you to then come home and care for someone.

After my block of shifts I get 4 or 5 days off so it’s much easier.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor10 July 2023, 9:10 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

i usually only get one day off at a time so like ill work tuesday-thursday then one day off then saturday-tuesday and then one day off unless i have other commitments and then sometimes i get a couple of days in a row. @Captain24 i dont do many night shifts though even though its a preferred shift

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor11 July 2023, 10:21 am AEST

Re: I can’t cope

I just had an appointment with the psychologist and she asked me what I wanted out of life and what I’ve got to look forward to in the future.

I’ve got nothing. One, I can’t see a future and two, there isn’t anything to look forward to. All I can see is a lonely dog lady.

She asked what I would do for Christmas after my parents have gone. I thought about it and I’ve got nothing.

It’s made me realise that I have no purpose in life, no future and I am alone.

Im feeling really lonely and sad. I have no life. It’s put me into a downward spiral.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

hanamiSenior Contributor11 July 2023, 10:33 am AEST

Re: I can’t cope

Maybe you can't see things you can look forward to right now @Captain24 but that's not to say that will be forever. Tomorrow you could have an idea that gives you something to look forward to, or next week, or next month.

But for now, isn't it okay to live in the moment? To find joy - even just a little - in everyday things. Like hugging Pixie, watching the way the trees move in the breeze, enjoying the sound of the ocean, the taste of your favourite food. We don't always have to live exciting lives that make us jump out of bed each day. Sometimes, and it doesn't matter how long that's for, it's okay to just look for small joys in everyday life. It's okay to just 'be'.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

creative_writerSenior Contributor11 July 2023, 11:29 am AEST

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24, I agree with @hanami, it helps to take things moment by moment sometimes. I know there is a lot of potential in you, you don't have to plan out your whole life right now, you make a positive contribution to the forums. You are not alone, but I realise sometimes it's hard not to feel so alone ❤️

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor11 July 2023, 11:45 am AEST

Re: I can’t cope

Thanks @creative_writer @hanami

I do try and take it day by day. It’s just hard when it’s bought up and it makes you realise other than each day there is nothing.

I know that I am alone but having it pointed out also hurts. Most of the time I’m happy on my own but in the bigger picture it would be nice to even have a 1 or 2 friends close by. Not 12 hrs or 4 hrs away.

I know it’s stupid to think into the future. Sometimes it just hurts. Sometimes I’m not even sure I will make it to tomorrow.

Sorry to be a downer.

How are you @creative_writer

How is your daughter @hanami ? Did you get her pain resolved?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

creative_writerSenior Contributor11 July 2023, 12:25 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24, it's not stupid to think into the future, but it might be worth revisiting your goals when you are in a better space. I know it sucks to have no close friends nearby, I'm in a similar boat, it's lonely, you do have social media and you can always make calls, but nothing beats the face-to-face interactions.

I feel a bit disjointed and overstimulated right now, it's probably sensory overload, I need to wind down from this heightened state

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor11 July 2023, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

I don’t know how to find goals or what to do for goals.

At the same time I’m not even sure that there is a future.

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