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I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor16 June 2022, 9:48 pm AEST

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

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In response to: I can’t cope

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 July 2023, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

@tyme, today hasn’t be too bad, probably one of my better days, still in a bit of a low, but it hasn’t been as intense. I think my mum is waiting for everyone to eat dinner, she is craving that chocolate cake already lol. What have you been up to?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

tymeModerator09 July 2023, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

I'm sitting down to a piece of rocky road and a cup of tea @creative_writer . So lovely.

I was just sharing that my older niece woke up to having a large cyst under her chin. She needs an ultrasound for it. Dr said it must've been there for a while now. She's only complained about it today.

Then my dear little 2 year old niece went to the bathroom, took a razor to her top and bottom lips, and blood everywhere..... kids....

So an eventful night here.

The kids start school tomorrow, so it's sad I won't be able to stay up and read to them. During the school holidays, I've been reading to them a lot. They love books.

In response to: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor09 July 2023, 7:33 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

hello @creative_writer @tyme hope your both well

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 July 2023, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

I’m glad you had a good day @creative_writer. You deserve it.

Yes she is spoilt @outlander. She comes on day trips with me when we head to the next town over to go shopping. I just put her in her pram. She also comes on holidays to the beach. She loves it over there. Plus she is babysat while I’m at work!

Sounds like an interesting night next door for you. @tyme I hope they both are ok. They say things happen in 3’s. I’d wrap your nephew in cotton wool! 😉

There is something playing on my mind but I think it’s stupid.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor09 July 2023, 7:38 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

thats pretty cute @Captain24 but im sure she appreciates the time you put in to care for her and spoil her

whats playing on your mind? nothing is stupid. would you like to talk about it

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

tymeModerator09 July 2023, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

Agree with @outlander ,

Happy to talk about it if you think it'll help.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 July 2023, 8:07 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

I feel stupid @outlander @tyme

This time last year was the first time I thought I had hit rock bottom. It was the first time I considered ending my life. I was standing over my means reading to do it. Then I remembered it is my friends birthday. That’s what stopped me.

I’ve been reflecting over the last year and I’ve been on a massive roller coaster ride. I’ve discovered that there is a much lower rock bottom which I hit just 3 weeks ago. I feel like a failure. I’m not in a much better place 12 months later. I have learnt a lot but I thought that I would be better by now. It’s disheartening.

Sorry that’s a lot but that’s what is on my mind. I did say it was stupid.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

outlanderSenior Contributor09 July 2023, 8:18 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

its not stupid @Captain24
although you felt at your lowest 3 weeks ago, it doesnt mean you havent made progress. mental health is a journey, its a roller coaster of ups and downs.
i have been on this journey for a couple of years and now and theres days i feel like ive regressed compared to progressed.

You said it was about this time last year that you felt the same. is there anything in particular you can think of that might be causing it? sometimes even an aniversary can set us off.
for some people every anniversary they hit a low point, others its the season (like S.A.D)

its also not stupid. lots of people feel they just arent getting anywhere. its a journey not a race

In response to: I can’t cope

Shaz51Senior Contributor09 July 2023, 8:28 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

Happy birthday @creative_writer xx

Hello 🙂 👋 @tyme

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

tymeModerator09 July 2023, 8:35 pm AEST

Re: I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 , That's not stupid at all. There are many times that we reflect on things including where we are now and where we have been. I find it helpful to reflect. Not to make myself feel worse, but to see the growth, the process, and the learning in between.

Hope you are okay.

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