I can’t cope

I’m so tired. I’m tired of be abandoned.

Im tired of fighting. Im tired of being me.

Hey @Captain24 sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it at the minute. I'm here if you want to chat.

Hey @Jynx

Im so sick of being so messed up.

I hear you @Captain24 it can be so exhausting. I could offer an alternative narrative in that you're not messed up - you are human, and evolved for survival over everything else. And our survival systems are in our DNA and in our neurons, but we don't live in the jungle we live in society, and sometimes our experiences change how our survival systems respond, making them more reactive. All our emotions come from this. You're not messed up, your body is simply responding to stimuli as it was designed to do. Anxiety is just our brain's protector, interpreting things a bit wonky sometimes and becoming overactive.

Anyway, that's just my long and rambley way of saying that there isn't anything wrong with you. You're doing the best you can with what you've got, and you're doing amazing in my eyes.

Thanks @Jynx.

Your posts are always interesting!

I feel really broken and I need to become whole again.

Thank you @Captain24 - funnily enough being a therapist and having ADHD means I have hyperfocused on learning about trauma a lot 😅 I am glad it is helpful for you.

You're definitely not broken, or if you like, your brain is just wired a bit different. And by that I mean that in response to stress/trauma/adverse life events, your brain did what it needed to do to survive - it adapted. Sometimes those adaptations can themselves become stressful though, because they keep trying to protect us from harm even when we're not in danger anymore.

The good news is that we have discovered our brains have a lot of 'neuroplasticity' (which you can google if you're curious) which is a fancy way of saying that they can be changed, and taught to adapt in new ways. So you're not broken, more like playdough that got squished into a wonky shape, and now it will jus take some time and effort (aka healing work) to squish you back into a shape that works better for your day-to-day.

I'm signing off for tonight my friend - sending you a virtual hug!! And will tag in next @moderator for if you feel like you wanna keep chatting 💜

Usually I wake up sort of ok. Today I haven’t. I can’t focus on anything. My house is a mess and matches my life. I have dishes that have been sitting in the sink for 3 days. Ironing that has been there for over a week. Washing that needs to be done. I haven’t done any in days. Floors that haven’t been vacuumed or washed in weeks. How do I find the motivation to do it all?

Morning @Captain24 leaving a little bit of sunshine ☀️ here for you today

im going to tackle my bedroom and walk in robe today. My suitcase is still laying on my bedroom floor and all my other bags still need to be unpacked. I accumulated so much stuff while in hospital! AND my daughter made a mess of my room while I was away! She hung out a lot in there. So I’m gonna put some music on and get cleaning. Maybe some music will lift your spirits too? Get you in the mood a little?

Thanks @Bow.

I put music on and I did manage to do the dishes and change the sheets on my bed. That’s something at least.

Now I feel like I’m drowning. It’s like I’ve got nothing left. I just have to take that I did something as a win. I just can’t do today. I don’t want to do today. I don’t want to do my life anymore. I’m tired of just struggling to get out of bed. I’m tired of it all. I don’t want to do this anymore.

Hey @Captain24 💝 Checked in with via email. Please take care.