I can’t cope

I wish you could 'shakti' it out! @creative_writer

Rough day @tyme. I’ve spent to long today with the mask on.

How was sleeping on the floor?

Sorry about your migraine @creative_writer

Agree @Captain24 - masking is hard work!

As a BPD-er imagine how tiring it was to live! I used to mask all day at work, then let loose when I came home. I became beastly to all those around me. It was TERRIBLE!

Thank God I don't have to do that anymore. What you see is what you get!

As for sleeping on the floor, that was OKAY... I took two cushions off the lounge and slept on that. However, my nephew was whimpering and crying the night, then in the morning (early early in the morning), all he wanted to do was play! I ended up saying "NO WAY! NO more sleepovers!"... I'm seriously not cut out for voluntary parental duties in the evening. I was so tired. I spent the next day walking around like a zombie, half asleep.

So each night now, my nephew runs over to my place and teases me that he will sleep with me. But the answer is the same, "NO WAY!" LOL...

Seriously, I said to myself I'm ready to sacrifice everything because they are only young once and won't hang around aunties in a few years....but geeezzz.... no more sleepovers with the nephew! Niece is better because she's okay. She's learnt not to annoy me in the mornings or I'll kick her out. Unfortunately, she woke up sick after her sleepover.

Joys of aunty-hood!

Your masking sounds terrible @tyme. At least with my job I don’t have to mask a lot as I spend most of the day on my own. But when I get home there is only Pixie. If I have to mask for too long I get really depressed.

Plus part of todays lunch was pretty triggering. I don’t know if you read my earlier post.

Sounds like a terrible night! But yes enjoy them while you can. If you have that connection now it may always stay there. They may be able to come to you with things they can’t go to their parents with.

What do you have planned for tomorrow?

Hehehe @Captain24 - growing up in this world, I want to stay close to my nieces and nephews. I'm sure there will be difficult times ahead.

As for your lunch today - I did read how challenging it was, and. how it made you feel so isolated. Yet it also reminds me that recovery is a lone journey as much as it is with others. You may have others encouraging you (if even), but ultimately, you do the hard work. It's a tough one!

And tomorrow? I'm not 100% sure as yet. I've got a few admin things to do for myself such as chasing up a new laptop, seeing to my water bill, and pretty much trying to organise my life!!!

Lol. I like to have things very ordered. So I have everything written down in a planner.

What are you doing tomorrow? Aren't you at work tomorrow?

I like to have things ordered too @tyme. I write a todo list for my days off. I have fortnightly direct payments for most of my bills. So that’s something I don’t have to worry about.

Yeah I go back tomorrow. I’m a bit concerned about my focus. Hopefully being at work will fix it.

It may take a while to get back in to the wing of things with work @Captain24 , but seeing you do enjoy your work, I'll probably find yourself shining instead!

Routine will most likely help with the focus. Otherwise, days and nights just blend into each other, eh?

I know nobody can take me on this journey and that I’m all alone but I feel more alone than ever.

Yes I have to have structure or it would mess with me even more. Plus I haven’t done a night shift since the 1st of January!

I’m heading off to bed @tyme

I hope you sleep well and have a good couple of days. Talk to you at the end of the week.