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Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before. I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent. there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.
to work on Monday. Anxiety and vagueness don’t mix with big ass trucks.
I hope you have a good day too.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
JynxModerator
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24😊💜☀️
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
So I managed to leave the house to go grocery shopping. My feet, hands and face were tingling. That was just shopping where I didn’t have to see anyone
Now I’m really worried. I have to go to my uncles for lunch. It’s the first time he has invited us to his house for over 20yrs. So I have to go. I am really concerned with can I do it? I have to make small talk, put on the mask and try and keep my anxiety at bay. I don’t know if I can do it.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24, I hope the lunch goes okay. It can be hard and lonely to keep your struggles tucked deep inside. I know you can do it. 💖🫂
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
So after 5 hrs I’m home. It was actually pretty good but I’m feeling it now. My mum never made a derogatory remark towards me!
I was partly included in conversation which I managed to do. Then they were talking another uncle that we don’t have anything to do with. He has drug induced schizophrenia. In the discussion on him someone asked if it was that or bipolar. Then they said he is loopy enough for bipolar. Ouch! Then they were talking about his suicide attempt. The comments on that I can’t put on here! It made me feel like a complete outcast and showed me that I can never tell them.
Tonight is the night I go to dinner at my parents place. It’s going to be difficult. I have to put my mask in again!
The one good thing is, I’ve been to busy trying to keep the mask on that I haven’t focused in the numbness of my hands and feet.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24, glade things went okay with mum. Talking about MH can be tricky with family dynamics. My parents are aware of my SI to some extent but don’t know everything. I’ve had a few close attempts before. My siblings also know I have MH stuff. But it’s pretty much an unspoken rule not to talk about it with relatives. It’s crazy, I know MI and most likely inter generational trauma run in my family because of the war during my grandparents time back in their country of origin. My dad said something like, when he was growing up MI wasn’t considered the norm. I’m not sure if that’s entirely true, MI can go undiagnosed due to stigma. People mostly would try to suck things up, but obviously, it means things keep getting passed down.
But remember, you are not an outcast. MI is really common too, I don’t see it as “abnormal”, I think society as a whole needs to become more accepting, it is slowly, but it’s happening really slowly.
I hope the dinner goes okay. Remember we are here for you, hon ♥️
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
Their talk was really bad @creative_writer. So bad that I can’t put half of it on here. It showed me that I have no support from my family at all. It makes me ashamed of who I am. But also ashamed of my family and where I’ve come from. Yes I’m a total outcast to my family. It was a pretty triggering conversation. Maybe I’m just an attention seeker too. Maybe I should leave here and stop being a problem for everyone
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24, I know it’s hard not to internalise other people’s opinions. I’ve struggled with and still do. I learnt from my parents that other people’s opinions matter. Reputation and honour is so heavily emphasised in my culture. It really sucks to feel like you’re being stigmatised by people. MI is by no means equal to attention seeking. Maybe you’ve grown up feeling invalidating like I have. But your emotions are completely valid, and I enjoy talking to you like many other forumites. You’re MH struggles only show how strong you are, it allows you to connect and be more empathetic. Even if you don’t have your family’s support, you have our support and your support teams too. You are precious and matter.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
Thanks @creative_writer. I’m not feeling it tonight at all. I’m in a massive spiral.
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