I can’t cope

I’m eager @tyme and I have gone to email so many times today. I’m scared if I’m too pushy they will make my life even harder when I get back. I’ll just be happy with a return date. Even if it’s next week or the one after.

You're an awesome dog mum! They are great company. Would your sister get a dog? Then it won’t be your full responsibility?

Pix is home. Because it’s still 30 degrees outside and she went for a walk, I turn the aircon on so it was cool when she got home. She doesn’t cope with the heat.

When I’m at work i set the aircon for when she is here before mum picks her up and after she drops her home. That way the house is warm for her in winter and cool for her in summer! I also put ice cubes in her water bowl!

Nah no dinner for me. I might regret that in the morning! I do have zucchini slice and salad in the fridge if I get hungry later.

She lives next door to me. If she gets a dog, it will see it as my dog too @Captain24 . I will worry so much about the dog.

I remember as a child I had OCD. My anxiety meant I would lie in bed all night and worry about whether the tap was dripping or a light switch on. Id then go and check them, and check them and check them. It became such an anxiety.

Good news though, by about 9-12 years old, I grew out of it.

However, I feel that anxiety would still exist for animals/pets.

Thinking about it, my sister has spiny leaf insects at her house. I worry about whether they have enough fresh leaves, whether the environment is damp enough, whether they will drown in water... these are only insects!!!!

But yes, I loved my dogs only TOOOOOO dearly. They do have a lot to give back.

If you have anxiety over insects @tyme Maybe o dog isn’t a good idea! You really don’t need all that to come back.

You know yourself so well. Maybe one day I will too.

On the other thing, it was my own fault!

Own fault? @Captain24 ? Sorry! I think I've missed something!

By the way, I am knuckling down to dinner now... I'm having broccoli, cous cous salad and a vegan pattie. Soooo yummy! My sister made it and just left it on the table for me to eat.

(Oh, no, I'm NOT vegan). But the vegan pattie was so good too!

That sounds nice @tyme I’m definitely not vegan but some stuff is really nice. I love veggie Pattie’s.

The SA discussion

I like vege sausages too @Captain24 .

As for the SA discussion, I don't believe any abuse is the victim's fault.

I remember having this discussion with someone once, and they were speaking about how people dress etc.

However, that person (victim) did not jump into the brain of the perpetrator and control their actions. Ultimately, the perpetrator made the decision.

Do you think so? This is only my thinking. I am in NO WAY an expert.

You do not have to discuss anything if you do not feel comfortable.

It’s a really hard one @tyme

I believe the victim never deserves it and it’s not there fault.It shouldn’t matter what they are wearing, how they are acting, how much they had to drink, where they are whether it be daylight or dark.

I believe victims blame themselves as they question their actions in the lead up.

I didn’t deserve it. But I did invite him into my home. Therefore I believe it’s my fault. I’m happy to go into details but not on here.

I agree with what you have said about it NOT being the victim's fault @Captain24 .

In terms of inviting them to your home, I don't think I would point the finger at you and 'blame' you.

But yes, you are right, this can be a sensitive topic.

When it feels right, rather than go into details about the incident, we can always chat about the emotions, thoughts and feelings it can stir up.

You deserve to be heard.

You truly are a survivor. I'm here by your side.

I have actually never told anyone what happened @tyme. My therapist and nurse know it’s happened and that I blame myself. But I usually just brush past it!

This is the reason I bypass some conversations! It’s something I’ve never really dealt with. Just buried.

Thank you

Dealing with the actual incident can easily re-traumatise someone. Hence, often, i think discussing the emotions and impact of it helps more in the long run @Captain24 .

I'll be heading off now. I hope you get good news tomorrow from HR! Otherwise, I'll speak to you in the evening.