I can’t cope

Yes I’ve been reading along @Captain24

I’m sorry you didn’t sleep well last night. That can definitely take a toll, especially when you’re already feeling so low. It’s okay if you need some extra rest today, and I can understand why calling in sick is stressful when it’s cost you money

Are you looking forward to going away? I hope you have the best time and get to enjoy some beach time! 😊

Thank you for being honest about the urges you’re still experiencing. I’m glad you don’t have a plan to act on them, but I can understand how difficult it must be to manage those feelings while you’re feeling so down. What usually helps you stay safe when those urges come up?

It sounds like last week felt very different for you, especially feeling invincible while still feeling tired and low. I think it’s worth talking more about that with your psych, particularly as it was a new experience for you

Mental health can be so up and down, and it can be exhausting when things change so quickly. Please try not to be too hard on yourself for struggling this week. You’ve been doing your best, and you deserve some kindness and support on the harder days too 💛

Please don’t apologise. You don’t have to be doing well all the time to deserve support. I’m not on the Forums all the time, but it’s always nice to connect when I am

I’m doing okay, just a bit tired today too! I’m going to the movies this afternoon to watch Verity, so I’m really looking forward to that! 😊

I am looking forward to it as I love the beach so much. It’s my happy place and I really mindful space for me. I am a little worried as it’s only going to be around 20 degrees so not really warm but I’ll go swimming anyway. The other thing that also stresses me is worrying that my parents are going to fight and argue. Neither of them will make a decision so I have to do it all. Dad would just sit around and do nothing all day. So mum and I make him eventually get off his arse and put his friggin phone down so we can do things in the mornings. They just sit around all afternoon. The only time I’m allowed to be alone is when I spend a couple of hours at the beach by myself to swim and then it’s timed! They forget that I’m 49 not 9 @Nala2022

That’s the hard thing… I’ve always had those extreme urges and knew.. well.. thought that I’d never act on them so this is new territory as well. It’s all feeling too much and I’m going further down each minute. It’s getting harder and harder. I haven’t had the thought that u was I was dead for a while and now it’s back.

I did so well for so long and now it’s all gone pear shaped. I know that that feeling or normality is there and it feels harder right now because I actually know it exists but I’m going through a bipolar moment and I don’t know where it’s going to end up. I see my psych in 3 weeks so it’s a while away still.

I feel alone and don’t know where to go. My friend from hospital is doing amazingly well both mentally a physically. So I don’t want to say anything to her. She deserves how she is feeling and I’ll let her think I feel the same.

What’s the movie about? It would be nice to spend and afternoon at the movies. Some down time and mindfulness. Is the movie theatre far? I don’t follow what movies are out as it’s and hour and a half drive and I have to beg mum to look after my dogs for the day.

@Captain24 The beach sounds like such a special place for you, and I hope you get to enjoy that time to yourself while you’re away, even if it’s not that hot. I can understand how frustrating it must be feeling like you have to organise everything for your parents too. It makes sense that you want some independence and time to do your own thing without feeling like you have to manage everyone else

I’m really sorry things are getting harder for you, especially when you’ve worked so hard to get to a better place. You don’t have to pretend you’re doing well just because your friend is doing better either. You deserve support even when things aren’t going well

I’m concerned that you’re feeling worse by the minute and that those thoughts of being dead have returned. Are you safe right now, and do you feel able to keep yourself safe? Please don’t wait three weeks for your psych if things are getting harder to manage. If you can, reach out to your psych or GP today, or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 for support. If you feel you might act on the urges or are in immediate danger, please call 000

And Verity is a psychological thriller based on the book by Colleen Hoover. It’s about a struggling author who is hired to finish a bestselling author’s (Verity) book series after an accident leaves her unable to write. But the struggling author discovers a disturbing unfinished autobiography in Verity’s home, she uncovers dark secrets. It’s a great thriller, I’m looking forward to seeing it this afternoon

It’s so hard with them! @Nala2022. I can’t afford to go on holidays without them though as it’s really expensive getting dog friendly accommodation. Plus mum gets upset if she isn’t included. I can’t get a pet sitter with Pix’s diabetes unless the vet nurse starts doing home stays not just feeding. She would be the only person that I’d trust with Pix other than my parents and she is desperate to win Pix over and make friends! 😂

There is one place we walk to which is up on high rocks. The ocean is a long way down but rough and when it crashes against the rocks the spray comes up over the edge of them. It’s probably one of two places my mum and I actually connect. The other place is Pixies favourite beach. She just stand there when we get to the sand and looks at me. I take her lead off and she just runs straight to the water and climbs over the rocks and splashes in the waters edge. We love seeing her at her happy place! Then the sun starts to go down and we get beautiful sunsets over the water. It’s one of only a small few if any that you can get a sunset on the beach in NSW. The other two dogs just love running and chasing each other on the sand! Mum and I connect a bit then while watching Pix and the sunset.

I worked so so hard to just have bipolar destroy it. I guess this is my life and the way it will always be. I don’t want my friend to know, she is doing amazing and her granddaughter is finally getting some help, how people do therapy with a 4 year old I don’t know, but she is getting better and less of a handful. So her life is all going great for the first time in the 3 years I have known her.

Sorry.. I am safe at the moment and trying just to focus on the holiday. I need to have tired a slight corner at least first though if I’m going to be able to cope. I keep telling mum and dad that they need to go and see dads sister that’s 45 minutes away so I can have a whole day to myself! But they won’t go.

It is getting worse. I’m not going to lie and it’s getting harder and harder. But I’m safe. I’ve spent some quality time with my dogs so that was good. I’m trying to talk myself into doing some diamond art that I haven’t touched for a couple of weeks. I really need a smoke right now but I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole. I’m really tense inside and it kind of feels volatile. sorry just needing someone to get this out to and your my sounding board and I’m really sorry.

I actually did email my psych. She only works 2 days a week. I’m usually a Tuesday. I actually owe her for a session as the last one I didn’t pay for. I have this Wednesday where I’m packing and getting ready for the next day instead of sleeping. I have asked if it’s ok to fit me in as I have the money for one appointment but it’s totally ok if she can’t do it. I’m embarrassed to be asking her and said so. She is really good so I’ll see what happens.

That sounds so interesting. Have you read the book?

@Captain24 I can imagine how expensive dog-friendly accommodation would be! And with Pix’s diabetes, you wouldn’t want to leave her with just anyone.

Wow, those places sound beautiful! It’s lovely that you and your mum have somewhere you can connect, and seeing the dogs enjoying themselves with the sunset over the water sounds so special. I hope you get to enjoy some of those moments while you’re away

I’m sorry you’re feeling like all the hard work you’ve put in has been undone by your bipolar. I can understand how disheartening that must feel, but having a difficult time right now doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made. And I understand not wanting to worry your friend, but you deserve support too, even when things are going well for her

I’m glad you’re safe and that you’ve reached out to your psych. It shows a lot of self-awareness to recognise you need extra support and advocate for yourself. Maybe you could start by just putting your diamond art out, without any pressure to actually do it

I’m glad you’re safe and that you’ve reached out to your psych. It shows a lot of self-awareness to recognise you need extra support and advocate for yourself. Maybe you could start by just putting your diamond art out, without any pressure to actually do it

Please don’t apologise. You’re not a burden at all, and I’m glad you feel comfortable sharing how you’re feeling here 💛

I’ve read Verity twice and absolutely loved it! I’m really curious to see how they’ve adapted it for the movie 😊

It’s a really beautiful place to go @Nala2022 I will probably move there when I retire. Hopefully it’ll be my home base while I travel in a motor home. If I live that long. Which I’m not sure will happen.

One side of me knows it’s still there and I’m trying to reach out for help so it doesn’t slip away completely. Part of me knows it’ll come back but the majority of me thinks it’s gone. Of that makes sense. It could be worse I guess.

She will actually be proud of me for asking knowing that I hate it. Especially with no money. She does know she will get it though. We’ve been together for a couple of years now. She always says that it’s ok because I never miss and appointment and I’m always engaging and give most suggestions a go even though I’m not sure about them. This is the first time I have really asked though. I know she will do it if she can fit me I . It maybe at 9 when she doesn’t work or at the end of the day.

I’ve decided to watch some tv for a little while. Then maybe I might have a nap but that may cause issues sleeping. I might try diamond art if I get sick of watching tv. I’m watching the block and it may piss me off.

Is it hard to know how it plays out already? Missing the suspense?

That would be amazing if you could retire there @Captain24. I hope you get to enjoy that one day

What you’re saying does make sense. I can understand how hard it is when part of you knows things can get better, but the other part struggles to believe it right now. I’m really glad you’re still reaching out for help, even when it feels difficult. You should be proud of yourself for emailing your psych and asking for that extra support, especially when you find it hard to ask

Hopefully your psych can fit you in, and for now, see how you go with the TV. If The Block starts getting on your nerves, maybe you can switch to some diamond art instead

Apparently, they’ve changed a few things compared to the book, but it’s still meant to be suspenseful! It’s had mixed reviews, though. I think some people want adaptations to follow the book exactly, while others are disappointed when certain scenes don’t make it into the movie. I’m looking forward to seeing what I think! 😊

The only problem there is my brother lives there but I shouldn’t have to see him much. @Nala2022

Im scared that I asked. I know it’s ok but I’m shaking.

Im really struggling right now. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It’s all overwhelming, dark and heavy.

Im still sitting and watching tv trying to stay awake. I haven’t even packed yet. Haven’t even started. I’m just not getting into it. Normally I’m packed and ready by now. The only thing I have done is clean my car.

Oh that’s good. I have trouble watching movies that I have read. Well years ago! 😂 I think adaptations always get mixed reviews it’s how people interpret it. I really hope you enjoy it and get some suspense with it. Do you do the whole popcorn and large soda?

I can understand that @Captain24. Hopefully you’ll still be able to enjoy the area without having to see him too much

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much right now. It sounds like everything is feeling really overwhelming, and I can understand why asking your psych for help has brought up so much anxiety. It’s okay to cry if you need to. You’ve been carrying a lot, and you don’t have to hold it all together

Try not to be too hard on yourself about packing. You’ve still managed to clean your car, and even if you’re not getting things done as quickly as you normally would, you’re doing the best you can right now

I agree about book adaptations! Everyone interprets things differently, so I can understand why they get such mixed reviews. Thanks, I’m really hoping I enjoy it too! 😊

Yes, popcorn and a Coke Zero are a must Sometimes I’ll add Maltesers or Pods as well, depending on what I feel like! 😋

I have to see my brother while I’m there next week. Mum wants to see him and do lunch or dinner. In February it was a disaster. I left the house in tears with my dogs and told mum to ring me when I was able to come home. We just went to Pixies beach which is just around the corner. I was walking along crying and was just getting myself together when this guy comes out of the water to get to his stuff and it was right next to where I was walking. Then we both looked at each other. It was my cousin! @Nala2022 I told mum that this time she can work something out and if I need to I’ll head down to the beach and come back at 8:30 for Pixies dinner.

Im hoping my ADHD kicks in on Wednesday. I’ll get home at 6 in the morning and will just have to go until everything is done e and then have a nap. We will leave around 9 on Thursday morning as I have to feed the dogs first. It’ll all work out. It always does. I’m not sure where this different part of me has come from. I still have a lot of anxiety but less around different things.

Coke Zero… my kind of gal!! 😂

Im not sure what time you finish but I really hope you enjoy the movie and it surprised you and keeps the suspense alive.