I can’t cope

I downloaded and had a go @tyme. I did a couple then it got frustrating.

I am really trying to pick myself up. I just can’t. I try each new tactic with an open mind. Im not trying to be difficult. I don’t mean to be negative.

I’ve tried parking my muddy Pixie pic in front of the work stuff. In front of my mood. At the forefront of everything. I even just went and ordered the diamond are of it! Nope. Nothing is working.

I promise, I am trying. I don’t mean to be a failure.

And that's okay @Captain24 .

Maybe tonight, it's about just not trying any of that.

Don't do anything. Let these waves just carry you tonight.

Alternatively, I'm happy to chat about where these feelings came from.

Im just going to have to hold on really tight @tyme I think I’m in too much of a negative headspace.

Im sorry.

I was on cloud nine when I passed the psych review. He said he would send the paperwork on Monday. Monday came and went and I didn’t hear from HR.

Also on Monday I had my last GP appointment. We hugged and cried. I feel a bit abandoned. Plus I don’t see the new GP for 4 weeks. I don’t know him and it’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing a GP since this mess started.

Yesterday I had to contact HR and apparently she hasn’t got the report. It could take up to 10 days to get it. I asked if I could go back on restricted duties such as not operate a heavy vehicle or drive a light vehicle on site. I still have no response.

I didn’t hear from her at all today. I was meant to be working today. So I guess I’m not on tomorrow either.

I also emailed my nurse and said I was starting to struggle. No response from her either.

I really need to work for my MH. I need to stop this boredom.

I keep having to hide from my parents and lying to them.

I hate what this is doing to me. Im in that place where I just don’t want to be here anymore.

Im just really not ok. I am safe but don’t know if I can stay that way. If I get to that point I will call for help first.

Sorry it’s all negative. I need to get it out. Thank you if you made it this far.

Can you chase up the GP? @Captain24 .

What I do is i tell reception that it is urgent i get the paperwork and I tell them by a certain time. I then keep calling back. I think sometimes we wait around, wait around, and realise they have forgotten....

I never would have done that in the past, but nowadays, people have a lot on their plates and need that gentle nudge.

If HR haven't received the paperwork, put it on your list of things to do that you will call the clinic tomorrow? Would that help?

It was an independent psychiatrist. @tyme I don’t have any of the details. HR has to follow it up. Tomorrow is a public holiday. I’ll check with her Friday morning so I can do my sleep prep incase I can go back Friday night.

This is the longest I’ve had off work since I started there 5 years ago.

I’ll also ring my nurse on Friday and have a chat with her. She is all I’ve got at the moment. Other than you guys. I think I need her help to get me through. I see my therapist in 2 weeks but that’s too far away right now. Plus she isn’t contactable out of appointment times. My nurse is better anyway.

Sorry to dump all this.

Grrrr @Captain24 - hearing you. So annoying. Well then it sounds like you have to contact HR.

Does your workplace open tomorrow? Some workplaces are staying open and giving workers the choice to work or not...

The pit never shuts @tyme except for 48 hrs over Christmas! All the office workers will be off though. So the earliest is Friday.

I just have keep telling myself I’m stronger than I think right now.

Also I’ve given up on the GS too. I never heard back.

Sorry I’ve been really self-centred tonight. I’ve just realised I keep apologising. That means I’m really not ok! I’d be in so much trouble off my nurse and old gp for that.

What have you been up to? How’s the healthy lifestyle going for you.

Actually, I chased up the GS for you yesterday and today - again @Captain24 . I'm so sorry it has taken so long!!!!

That's what I thought about the pit not closing @Captain24 .

You can hang out with me on the forums while you wait for work to come to you. I know it's not the best for your mental health not to be at work, but you ARE still getting paid, right?

Thank you for chasing it up @tyme I do appreciate it. It’s nice to know you were thinking of me.

Yes I’m still getting paid but I won’t get triple time for tomorrow. 🥲

I had a win today. I went to the bigger town over for the day shopping. I had lunch at Oporto’s and sat inside by myself to eat!

Tomorrow morning, to get out of town while mum picks up pixie. Im going to the village 20mins away and attempt to have breakfast at a coffee shop in my own. I think there’s a coffee shop out there. 🤷‍♀️ . It’s a little tourist hub so it should have.