I can’t cope

@Captain24 maybe it's about finding non-damaging alternatives, like snapping a rubber band against your skin or holding ice. You can probably find more suggestions online.

You can also put those items away somewhere after use, too. Make the alternatives more accessible.

Alas, it will get hotter eventually haha. I do not like the summer months. But I will relish the jasmine blooms while I can!

Kitties are good, just settling down after having zoomies haha.

This is a really interesting reflection, Cap. I am curious, when did you notice these feelings became more prominent for you? I am just wondering if there was a specific lead up or trigger?

It sounds like you're needing some other (safe) ways to release these bigger feelings and perhaps even some outlets to experience some genuine excitement and joy?

Your psychologist's suggestions sound really grounding and regulating - what else did she share in your session?

Also, do you think you'll be able to keep yourself safe tonight? @Captain24 💛

I’ll have to buy some rubber bands @Jynx and put some ice cubes in the freezer. Think along those lines.

That’s a good idea. Pack my dishes away! 😜 but seriously it makes it one step extra and move my iron. Although I’m not sure that will help. I literally planned it all out about 2 hours before I did it. I even knew what time I would do it.

Jasmines smells! I never understood how people like it but I get severe hayfever! All out the front of the medical centre as you walk through into the surgery is arches covered in jasmine!

I know you don’t like the hotter months. I hope it doesn’t get too hot for you down there. Keep it Jynx comfortable!

Ahhh zoomies.. it’s so good to see them having fun. Now that Pix is so much better these 2 do that all the time!

Im just about to go to bed. I am safe now and won’t act on anything. I’ve got work for the next 5 days but it’s becoming harder and harder especially with my RSD but I will do my best.

Thanks for looking out for me.

These feelings have always been around, I just knew I wouldn’t act on them even though I was desperate. On Sunday afternoon while I was in bed I all of a sudden thought of a way that I could hurt myself badly without doing severe damage. Then just planned it all through even the time. @AuntGlow

I do need something else but right now that’s really hard. I know what I should be doing and what would help but I just don’t have the energy and just sleep. It could be a side effect of these needles the need for sleep. Tomorrow will be interesting when I’m up at 4:30 and can’t go back to sleep until 8:30 tomorrow night!

We talked about my mood and stuff. How I know I haven’t hit the bottom and that I feel like it’s kids like I fallen in a diagonal. This feeling is really weird and I haven’t had it before either. Then half way through the session I told her I had something to tell her. I just blurted it all out. Then I told her if my next plans. If I’m I. That state I’m not to cook or iron just so I don’t have the sudden thought and use the opportunity. She said that nothing will help if I plan like Sunday but wants me to try harmless while I’m planning to see if it slows or stops things.

Yeah. I am safe, I’ve just gotten into bed with my babies. I will sleep well I think. It feels like it’s been a long day because I had a GP appointment as well.

Thank you for looking out for me. Have a good night.

@Captain24 Whatever small steps you can take :)

I hope you're able to share and unpack about all this with your psych.

I get hayfever too, mildly enough that it's worth taking a whiff! It's such a lovely scent. I get that you may not like it though.

Glad to hear that Pix is doing better!

And that you're safe and hopefully asleep by now.

Good luck with work! And you're welcome ;)

I appreciate you sharing this with us @Captain24, that must have been so confusing and overwhelming for you...

Maybe the 'finding something else' can come over time? We are all here as a sounding board too - remember that. 🫶

I really like the idea your psychologist has given you to stay safe. What is 'harmless'?

Aww your babies, give them a big hug for me.

I hope you sleep well. Talk more very soon. 🥰

Hey @Captain24, I’m really sorry to hear how difficult Sunday became for you, and I’m glad you were able to tell your psych everything and that she was understanding and supportive. It sounds like she’s really looking out for you too, which is important.

I hope you were able to get some rest yesterday, and that your doctor appointment went okay. How are you feeling today? 💛

I’m doing okay, thank you for asking 😊

Something is better than nothing @Jynx

I think we have a lot to talk through when I see her in 5 weeks.

It’s really weird. Today I felt like if I could handle that so well I can handle work. It’s like it has flipped a switch. It’s a really weird feeling.

So many people love it. It’s like it’s everyone’s go to with gardens. I just don’t get it. I wish I did but I don’t like the smell of most flowers. I think it’s the gardener that turns me off.

She is doing amazingly, I find stuff around the house that’s been dragged from somewhere else and I blame Jett. Poor boy is innocent… I caught Pixie in the act. 😂

Thank you… I did well at work and actually didn’t mind it for the first time in so long. I just got up and got ready, there was no fighting within myself.

I hope you had a good evening and that today has been good for you

Hey @AuntGlow

Thank you for listening.

There is a lot going through my head and it’s all overwhelming and confusing. I can’t really make sense of it. I really need another appointment with my psych but it’ll just have to wait 4 weeks. Things will be all different by then anyway.

I will have to work on it. I think now that I acted on those extreme thoughts, I know I can actually act on them and have done.

My psych said a spiky ring which I’ve got and I have a spiky keyring. They both hurt and leave marks but are safe. Definitely need more ideas though incase they fail.

I did sleep well and got up really easily and didn’t have to fight myself to go to work. I actually didn’t mind work for the first time in a very long time. I feel sort of charged after the weekend and like if I can tackle that and cope I can cope with a lot more than I think.

I hope you had a lovely day.

Im off to bed again to face another work day and it’ll be like today! Positive self talk

Hey @Nala2022

I am really lucky with my psych. I could t get a better one. It took me a little while to come out with it but then I just did. She just listened and said she was sorry that I was feeling so bad. Then we dug I to it deeper.

I slept well last night and managed to get up for work this morning quite easily so that was really good and I coped ok while I was there. It’s like what happened has changed me. It’s kind of scary. But if it stays in a good way then all the better for it.

I did t really feel much today. Just went about them motions, not depressed, not happy just faced the day.

I think it’s your weekend now. I hope you have some plans and not just appointments.

Enjoy