I can’t cope

@AuntGlow I have looked but all of them in the areas I need support with say that they either aren't taking on new clients or that they're full 😞.

@Captain24 if you can get support the come down but be more manageable.

I'm hoping that the disappointment turns into relief that it's not so sore and that it will be ok.

Haha oh I know that feeling well. I have a queensize bed too but Casper sleeps on my pillow or laying across me 😂.

I'd say at least yours are little and you can move them but not if they growl at you, cheeky puppies. Casper just groans and then moves to another spot to smother me 😂.

I’m not sure why it’s happening @AuntGlow My psych thinks it’s great! 😂 The only thing I can think of is I’m not numb and emotionless anymore. Except today may have changed that. An ed trip wasn’t really in the cards when I woke up. It was when I planned it this afternoon though.

Constant sleeping isn’t helping. That’s a massive warning sign. Work is feeling worse and worse. I can’t afford to see my psych. Money is concerning me. My medical health is concerning me. I’m also on 2 new tablets for my medical health that cause mood disturbances.

I just cleaned, ate and fed the dogs and put myself to bed. I went or sleep pretty quickly.

Maybe one day I’ll get there. The dogs make things a little difficult but I’m meant to see it it will happen.

How are you going?

Can I encourage you to reconnect with them and start with a more generalised psychologist, so that you have some affordable, baseline support right now? I think having someone to consistent to connect with may help with overall regulation and grounding.

I would also suggest keeping BlueKnot Foundation & ListenWell in your back pocket too - especially whilst things are feeling a little more vulnerable. You deserve as much support as you can get. @MissGremlin 💛

Will see what happens. Maybe I should tell her. Only if the opportunity arises. @MissGremlin It could be a basic email from her.

I don’t know. I want pain.

Pix has moved over so she must have gotten hot. I just moved Jett over and got teeth! Pix then glared at him because he growled at me. She does the same though!

I couldn’t cope with him on me but I know that that is a comfort to you. It would feel too heavy. Jett sometimes will lay on my

legs hoping I separate them so he can lay in between them.

@AuntGlow I've even tried just now with the basic couple of things but it still said the same thing. I've still been trying to get in with the psychology place that I've been trying to get into since April, but they're refusing to even return my calls.

I've tried both blueknot and listenwell previously but I'm complex and neither of them would help. I thought blueknot would have given that it's what the service is for. I just don't know why I can't get support, what's so wrong with me that noone wants to help.

@Captain24 I'd really encourage you to tell her sweet, i know that it can be a hard conversation to have but i want you to be support around this.

Pix must have definitely got hot. Silly Jett showing his teeth, maybe he was just trying to smile 😂.

Casper is by no means light either but yes it's a comfort for me, I don't feel my weighted blanket on me either even though it's just over 9kg.

What is it with dogs liking to lay between our legs 😂

I love stirring them up, especially Jett he is more fun! @MissGremlin he does bite me sometimes though and then comes and gives me kisses to say sorry!

I have a weight blanket but have never used it. I have to be careful as Jett likes to get under the covers sometimes!

Does Casper lay on the other side when he gets hot in the warmer weather?

Hmmm, what do you think shifted you out of that more numb and emotionless state? @Captain24

It sounds like a lot of stress has built up for you, Cap, and that you were really needing a release. I wonder if you can explore noticing these stressors as they come up and finding safer ways to release them in the moment (before they build up)? I know this is much easier said than done, but like with all things, it's a practice that becomes stronger and more accessible over time. 🥰

How are Pix and Jett? Are they well?

I am doing okay!! I am trying to cultivate more balance after coming back from my holiday... and looking at where I would like to learn and grow. I have been journaling more, and I have created a vision board! Have you done that before?

@Captain24 they're so much fun to stir up 😂. I play fight with Casper and he bites but never hard. I love when they give kisses to say sorry!

Yeah that would be a worry when Pix and Jett are only little.

He does occasionally but even during summer he lays on my pillow, the aircon usually runs all night so it doesn't get too warm unless it's really humid.