I can’t cope

I’ve had a muesli bar @MissGremlin

Its ok. I’ll be right. I’m not stopping them. Once I get my physical health under control and my sleep better then that will help long term. I will always body image issues but at least they won’t be as extreme which will also help my mental health.

She will want to see me and I can’t afford to pay it and I’m not having her see me for nothing. Which she would possibly do.

It’s ok. You couldn’t have done anything. I had made up my mind and wouldn’t have told you my plan anyway. I wouldn’t have even had you think about it.

Im sorry it’s rough again. At least you are doing diamond art. I’m sitting here looking at a blank tv screen.

It’s hard when you are not tired. I hope it hits you real soon though.

@Captain24 i hear you sweet. I really hope that things start to settle for you soon.

There's always other options with seeing her and I know you've got a good relationship with her and that she'll help as much as she can.

That's the thing, I knew you were going to do something, I know i couldn't stop anything from happening but I can be here to support you no matter what and that's what I'll always do.

I've been zoning in and out of the diamond art, I do a bit and then the thoughts take over and I'm dissociating before coming back to the diamond art (I'm safe).

I'm hoping it does, you'd think so given how crappy last night was. I can run on very little sleep but it comes at a cost.

Hello my lovely forum friends @Captain24 @MissGremlin,

I wish I could jump through the screen and give you both the biggest of hugs! It sounds like this weekend has been really, really tough... I am so glad you are always there for each other.

I know that today has been particularly vulnerable for you @Captain24 and I am relieved that you are safe. As Lee suggested, Blue Knot Foundation would be a really good resource for you to connect with, as they specialise in complex trauma and provide free phone counselling. 💛

Aside from this, how are you feeling now? And what are you sensing you need most at the moment?

Same question for you too @MissGremlin 🫶

Hello @AuntGlow sweet ❤️.

Wouldn't that be amazing, virtual hugs it has to be though ❤️. Things have been so tough for both of us but I'm glad that we've got each other for support.

I'm feeling a mixture of things, lots of emotions and thoughts plus then the nausea on top of everything (I'm safe). I was completely let down earlier today after the mental health team came out 😞.

How are you doing?

I wouldn’t be surprised to get a phone call from her. @MissGremlin If she asks the right questions. Any mark she sees on me she asks the question! I went and saw her in person and I had scratches on my legs from mowing mum and dad’s lawn. She asked details!

I shouldn't have put that on you. That was selfish and inconsiderate of me. You shouldnt have been left with that and I am really sorry.

You could tell there was and is no mods around. I thought auntglow said she would be around?

Sorry about the disassociation that’s hard. I’ve had that happen a lot in my bad times. One of the worst was I was driving home from work and ended up in the embankment. That scared my psych a lot!

Im still sitting up. I should be in bed as I’m just sitting here doing nothing. I have a physio appointment in the morning at 9 so I will need to have a shower but I can’t get my hand wet!!! That’s going to be fun. And see the burns unit if they ring. Maybe I’ll run onto my old case manager. She will ask ‘the’ question.

After such a rough night you do deserve some rest. Maybe if the pain stays so bad I might be up talking to you.

@Captain24 I hope she asks the right questions cos you deserve support and I know you have trust in her.

It's ok sweet, I'm glad that I could be here for you and that you felt safe to be open with how you were feeling and what was happening. Nothing to apologise for at all, keep reaching out always and I'll be here ❤️.

It's horrible when it happens when driving, I've had to pull over when it's gotten bad. Often it will be that I don't remember how I got from where I was to home. That would have been so scary.

Hoping the physio goes ok tomorrow and that the burns unit does contact you. Showering will be tricky but maybe put some glad wrap and a bag over your hand so that you don't get it wet.

I hope you're able to get some sleep tonight but feel free to tag me if you can't sleep and want to chat, I'll be around.

See what happens. @MissGremlin Im pretty sure I will fly under the radar with everyone though. I’ve never done anything like it before so it won’t be expected.

Thanks for being here and being with me through it. Even though I kind of feel good about it.

Ueah. I came too when I hit the guide post. That’s when we came up with some tools to try and keep me engaged while driving. I was driving home from work!

Yhe physio will be fine. The burns unit is a bit of a concern. I’m sure they will say it’s fine and send me in my way!

I think sleep would be good but that’s pretty much all I have done today. I could be chatting to you at random hours!

@Captain24 I'm hoping that you don't fly under the radar but I know sometimes things don't get noticed.

You're so welcome sweet, I'm glad I was here for you. I get that feeling good about it.

That's definitely scary. But I'm glad that you've got tools now to help when you're driving.

See what happens with the burns unit, I just want you to get the support you deserve.

Random hours chats can be fun but I'm really hoping that you can get sleep especially being that you have physio tomorrow.

Feeling a mixture of things makes sense @MissGremlin 💛

I am so sorry you were let down by the mental health team... especially after all you have been through this week. What were you hoping they would do for you? I wonder if we can explore other avenues?

And @Captain24, I will be here until 11. 🫶

@AuntGlow the guy that I spoke to on the phone was really supportive and I thought he was the one coming out, he wanted to redo the support worker package and find longer term supports. But the 2 women that came out weren't interested in doing anything, every service and thing they suggested I've already tried. They just said that there's nothing they can offer but they'd ring on Wednesday.

I'm not even sure where to go from here, I pretty much had my mind made up what would happen if I couldn't get the proper support (I'm safe).