I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24, I’m sorry you’re feeling so rough at the moment

Try not to judge yourself too harshly for the things you haven’t managed to get done. You’ve still opened the doors and windows and put a load of washing on, and those little things count too. You don’t have to fix everything today. Maybe just focus on getting through the next little bit

You mentioned that your thoughts aren’t really good and that things are going downhill quickly. Are you feeling safe right now?

Please don’t sit with that on your own if you’re feeling unsafe or worried you might act on those thoughts. Reach out to someone you trust or a support service, and if you’re in immediate danger, please call 000. We’re here for you 💛

Only 2 weeks ago I could do it all or not care that I hadn’t done it. Life was good and had been for quite a few weeks. I was so proud of myself, I worked so hard to get there. I deserved it. I thought I had made it through. @Nala2022

Now Im stuck and I can’t do anything. I need some support but can’t afford it. I have my GP tomorrow afternoon but it’s all medical. As my medical health is the biggest priority now. Which is why I can’t afford my psych. My mental health has to come a far second.

Im safe right now and I think it’ll stay that way. I know there’s a better side but I’m falling down that rabbit hole into something I feel like I’m losing control of.

Im pretty sure it’s the medications I’m on. The injections I’m on for over 12 months. The stop smoking tablets I’ve got another 2 months.

Im just sitting at my diamond art crying. Wishing life would be better. Wishing I would be better. Wishing my physical health would be better, that’s about 12 months work though. It’s a long way and a long time to lose my mental health in the process

I really need my psych but there is no way I can afford to see her for 5 weeks, if I’m lucky. I shouldn’t complain as at least I do have her.

I do have the feeling of wanting to hurt myself though. I haven’t had that for ages. I’m not going to but it feels like I want to. Also the trigger on here last night didn’t help. I think it set things off a little more rapidly.

I even dreamt that there was a few of you that wrote a really long harsh message to me. Members and mods. It hurt and even though it was a dream it still does.

@Captain24 I can hear how hard this is, especially when you’d worked so hard to get to a place where life felt good and you were so proud of yourself. It must be really discouraging to feel like you’re suddenly slipping backwards

I can also understand how frustrating it must be needing your psych but not being able to afford appointments right now, especially with everything going on with your physical health. I’m glad you have your GP tomorrow and can talk through what’s been happening, including your concerns about your medications.

I’m sorry what happened last night has added to everything too. I’m glad you’re safe and don’t intend to hurt yourself, but please reach out for some extra support if those urges become harder to manage. For now, just take things one moment at a time. You don’t have to fix everything today.

I will be heading off shortly, but I will reply once I'm back on. Sending you hugs lovely 💛

It’s horrible @Nala2022

I just looked at my calendar for the next few days and just started bawling when I seen my psych appointment. I wish there was something I could figure out.

I don’t want to live like this for that long. I need all the medications or my physical health won’t get any better. Basically I will die if I don’t turn things around.

Im actually feeling like I really don’t care right now. I don’t care about anything. Whatever happens happens. I’m just sitting and crying. I can’t even do my diamond art with the tears in my eyes. I’ve only just become emotional.

It’s getting harder. But I made a promise and I’m hoping I can stick to it. At least my psych, whenever I get to see her, is so understanding and not judgemental at all. She will support me with whatever happens in her friendly caring tone. Sometimes I forget that she is my psych and not a friend.

I won’t reach out as I never do and am always to scared too. I need someone that knows me rather than some random stranger. I’m usually lucky on the very rare time that I have reached out as I start with the fact that I have bipolar and that then changes things. I don’t get asked what triggered it as it can just happen.

I hope you have a good afternoon.

You don’t have to respond. I’m not really worth your time and don’t want to take you from people that need you.

Hey Captain24,

I can hear how tough things are right now, especially after working so hard to feel well. Feeling unsettled here, followed by such an upsetting dream, sounds painful. Even when we know it was a dream, the feelings can linger. Thank you for letting us know you’re safe.

I’m glad you reached out, and I believe this community can offer you support and connection. You’re not alone, and we’re here to support you.

If things become escelated or too difficult to manage, Lifeline is available on 13 11 14. If you’re in immediate danger, call 000.

Best, warmest wishes...

Lee_Lee_Light

Hi @Lee_Lee_Light

Nice to meet you.

Thanks for checking in.

I really am alone. I wish I had someone I could talk to. But alas that it’s life. It’s my own fault. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anyway. No one wants to know or care.

I probably won’t reach out to a service, whatever happens, happens. I don’t really care. I am safe for now though. Not really much in the way of suicidal thoughts or ideation just hurting myself thoughts. That’s a little harder.

Sorry @MissGremlin i just realised I didn’t reply to you.

I’ve just gone back to bed again.

I just don’t want to burden you with all my stuff when you are going through so much yourself. I don’t want you to feel you need to support me when you need it yourself.

I am here for you though. I’m not as bad as you so I can deal with a little bit.

@Captain24 it's completely ok

Sweetheart hear me on this, you are never a burden and I'm here to support you however and whenever I can ❤️.

I've just finished with the mental health team, I'm feeling so let down. It's as I expected even though I was trying to hold hope that just maybe something would be different this time. They can't do anything to help me, everybody they tried to suggest, every place I've already tried 😞. I'm going to sit back on my lounge and see if I can do some more diamond art. I've got tears that want to come out but I don't know if I want to allow that right now (I'm safe).

@Captain24 ,

I hear that youre feeling alone, but know you’re not a burden for seeking support or wanting to speak with someone. There are different types of support available, and you don’t have to wait until things become a crisis to reach out for support or connection. Some services below, have a look through:

• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 for free counselling, available 24/7.
• Blue Knot: 1300 657 380
• ListenWell: 1300 111 500 for free peer support, Monday to Friday, 9am–9pm.
• Lifeline: 13 11 14, or text 0477 13 11 14, for support 24/7 if things feel overwhelming.

All the best to you :)

Lee_Lee_Light

What does blue knot do @Lee_Lee_Light

I haven’t heard of them.

Thanks for the others.