I can’t cope

Yep!! It’s still in the washing machine! You got it it one! @MissGremlin

My skin feels nicer after the oats though. It’s getting really itchy so I thought I’d try it.

Im sitting outside waiting for my GP to call. It’s nice out here.

Did you get your shopping done?

@Captain24 Haha yay glad I'm not the only one to do that 😂.

Well at least your skin feels nicer after the bath, hopefully it helps with the itching.

I hope your appointment with the gp goes ok sweet.

I did manage to do the shopping, it took alot out of me and I'm very shaky now. I had a guy grab me on the arm while I was waiting in line at the checkout, it was only to say thankyou for moving out the way so he could get through but I don't like being touched especially when it was unexpected and I had my earbuds in.

My sleep study results are back but I have to make an appointment to get them, I rang today and left a message for them to call me.

Hopefully he will ring soon! It’s only 40 minutes late so far! @MissGremlin

Im glad you got out. That takes a lot. I’m sorry it was so draining. That man would have been a fright for you but so innocent in intent. My dad’s a toucher and I have to keep telling him that that’s not ok. He means it all innocently and probably would have done what that man did.

Yay for them being back. I hope you can get an appointment soon.

What’s for dinner tonight?

@Captain24 only 40 minutes 😂. Hopefully you're on the phone with him now.

It just caught me by surprise as I was focused on getting through the checkout. I've had many bad experiences of being touched inappropriately when I've been out so I'm on edge most of the time.

Dinner tonight is sausages and bread with chips, cucumber and tomato.

He just rang! My pancreas is being replaced by fat as the fat has nowhere else to go. I’m so ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted in myself. @MissGremlin

I have a script to get those needles so I’ll do it tomorrow and start on them. He told me not to work myself up over it and to not try and do it fast. I told him my goal of 6-12 months and he was really happy. He doesn’t want me overdoing it and then failing at it. It wants it gradual so it sticks. I said I wanted the needles to kick start so it’ll be easier if I start seeing results. For me if I find that it’s working gradually changing things then it’ll help me continue on the right path and not head down the ED route.

Sorry that was a bit heavy after all my other posts today. There is nothing lighthearted about it though.

That sounds so good. I feel like sausages now but it’s just too expensive for the moment. I’m not sure exactly how much these needles are going to cost! It’s probably $200+

@Captain24 I understand that it's hard to hear and i get the shame, disgust and embarrassment. But can you try to remember something here, the medications that are used to treat depression and anxiety are often a huge factor in weight gain. So whilst genetics, diet, exercise etc comes into play, it's also not always within our control.

Also the fact that you've chosen to do something about it is fantastic, you're choosing to better yourself and I'm so proud of you for that. Be gentle with yourself sweet ❤️.

What's for dinner for you tonight?

I wasn’t this size before I started taking meds. @MissGremlin. It piled on rapidly when I first started them. So rapid that my back didn’t cope and every few months I was at the hospital with severe unable to walk back pain. I’m also a depression eater. So that hasn’t helped over the last 5 years either.

Im feeling really down on myself. Im struggling with it a bit. I’ve kind of lost the positivity for the moment.

Sorry I’m helping a friend not have a panic attack at Rome train station. She has ptsd from that station. She just got through and got on the metro. She should be at the embassy by now. Then I need to get her back through that station until she gets on the train to her cousins house.

Im not really hungry. But I know I have to eat so probably the same as last night but with tenders instead of schnitzel.

@Captain24 i completely understand, I was skinny before I had kids but after my son and I went onto medication that's when the weight gain began and once it's on its so hard to get off.

It's ok to feel down on yourself about it, those feelings are valid but allow yourself to feel it then pick yourself up and remember that you've chosen to make changes to better yourself. Sending hugs sweet ❤️.

I'm glad your friend has you to help her get through, it can be so hard espescially if something happened to her there before.

I just made myself tacos to eat and I've actually been able to eat some, it's a little win.

It’s feeling a little hard to pull myself up. @MissGremlin

I have dinner cooking it’ll be ready in under 10 minutes. I’m pushing stuff around the kitchen bench to be able to put my plate on the bench. Now I’m not coping at all with the mess or the state of my house.

Im going to watch some tv with dinner and stay there until i know my friend is safe. Her train is at 1 but she is going to try and get in the 12:00 one. I’m a bit blonde though and thought how am I going to stay awake until then? Then I asked her the time. It’s 11:22! 😂

@Captain24 I know it's so hard to pull yourself up and it may not be tonight that it happens.

I understand the mess would be hard to deal with but you'll clean it up probably tomorrow. You've done alot today sweet.

Lucky you don't have to stay awake until 12 😂. It's bad enough that it's late night for me tonight, I want my bed!