I can’t cope

I just got rid of the rubbish and clothes off the bench. I have in packed this dishwasher and repacked it. The kitchen still doesn’t look much better. Maybe when I sort out all my meds it will feel a little better. But at least it’s something. @MissGremlin

My friend is on the train and will be there in 2 1/2 hours. At least she is out of Rome station. I hope she doesn’t think I’ll be chatting to her all the way! 😂 I need bed. Especially after my appointment.

Im guessing you are sitting and doing diamond art?

@Captain24 you've done well to do those things sweet, hopefully once you've done your meds it will feel a bit better.

That's good that your friend is on the train now, hoping they are feeling safer being out of that station.

I've got my diamond art but I have a miniblocks penguin to build first.

It does look a little better but still not great. At least it’ll be more manageable in the morning. I just had to order scripts as well as my needles. I’m thinking it’s going to be just over $300. @MissGremlin

She hasn’t responded or been on for a while so she is probably chatting to some random. She does that and is calmer as she took some anxiety medication.

You’ll have to share a pic when you are done. Sorry I can’t wait around with you tonight. I just really need my bed after my appointment. I just what to forget that today ever happened. It has been a big trigger though. A massive one.

Im sorry that I couldn’t keep it lighthearted. I tried to make you smile but failed in the end. Life just got too much.

I really hope time passes quickly for you and you get to go to bed and sleep well.

@Captain24 i know that it's a big cost but it's going to be worth it.

I'll share a pic tomorrow as I've just finished it but can't be bothered taking pics yet.

It's completely ok sweet, you haven't failed at all. That news is hard to hear and it's a huge trigger, but we're going to get through this.

You made me smile today and I'm here to sit with you through the pain aswell, through the good times and bad sweetheart. Sending you lots of love and hugs, I hope you can get a good sleep ❤️.

Having a really rough night and just needing to get things out and to not feel so alone. I've tried so hard to distract myself but in the end I failed and gave into urges. I'm so angry and disappointed with myself, I don't know how to stop myself from doing this. I've listened to music, done diamond art, watched my TV show, walked around my house, given Casper cuddles, had something to drink, but nothing worked. I reached out to a crisis service earlier and told them what's been happening, but I feel like they didn't care or didn't take me seriously.

I'm so scared about what's happening, I've never been so mentally unwell before. But what am I supposed to do when I can't get support from anyone or anywhere. I feel like I'm slipping away, I'm losing myself completely and it scares me so much 😞. I'm constantly thinking about suicide, the thoughts don't stop. The thoughts and urge used to come in waves so I would ride them out, but now they are there constantly and I'm unable to make them stop. Sitting with them feels impossible, the intensity is unbearable, it's like I obsess over it until I eventually give in and then I can sleep after. I desperately need help, I can't fight this battle alone anymore, not now that it's at this point.

I'm safe for the moment, I'm laying in bed watching my TV show and have Casper snuggled up with me.

Hey there @MissGremlin

I can hear just how hard of a night it's been for you, and that you've tried so many things to stop yourself from giving into those urges. It sounds like those thoughts of suicide are also constant for you and that they're hard to ignore. It makes sense to have these upsetting and overwhelming feelings as a result, but please don't forget that you deserve to offer yourself care and compassion when you are struggling. It takes strength and persistence to continue engaging in your coping strategies and to try new ones too, and there is a lot of courage in reaching out on the forums as well as a crisis service. I'm glad to hear that you're safe now, and I hope that your TV show and having Casper next to you can help make tonight just a little bit easier. If you need any additional support, you can always connect with Lifeline (13 11 14)

Hello @calicocats, I'm now in hospital after what's happened 😞. (I'm safe)

Let me know how you are going? @MissGremlin 

@Captain24 I'm struggling alot, I'm in hospital and my heart is not beating right. I've just had one lot of potassium put through me and now they're doing magnesium. I haven't slept at all. I'm so scared at the moment (I'm safe).

How are you sweet?

Maybe they will be able to style things down a little for you. @MissGremlin Id be scared as well. I was terrified when they locked me in a padded room.

Im here with you and will keep

mu phone in my hand.