I can’t cope

I'm feeling really scared at the moment and what's happening is bringing up alot of trauma cos of what happened to my last girl Laylah. Casper had ear infections going back about 2 months ago, they all cleared up with antibiotics but then he's developed 2 cyst type things on his left ear. I've done everything I can at home to wait for them to settle, treat them etc but unfortunately they are getting bigger. I'm petrified that it's something severe that may require surgery to have them removed which I simply can't afford, I'd then be faced with having to give him up or put him down. Casper is my world, to even think about losing him scares the hell out of me.

The reason things brings up so much trauma and fear is cos my Laylah was the same age when she went in to be desexed only to discover after routine blood tests prior to surgery that she had renal dysplasia. Laylah was my assistance dog so losing her when she was only 3 took a huge toll on me, Casper is my assistance dog without the official qualifications as I simply couldn't afford to do it but he performs tasks in order to help me with my mental health.

Casper is booked into the vet today at 12.40pm. I'm so scared, I feel sick and I'm shaking. It's alot to try to manage at the moment with everything else that's going on for me. I'm safe, I'm trying hard to distract myself until that appointment. I'm going to do some diamond art and I should be having an hour with my support worker if she messages. I just needed to get this out, I've been sitting alone with it trying so hard to be strong.

I hear you @MissGremlin I can understand your anxiety and fear around today's appointment.

Only an hour to go and you'll soon be on the other side of it. I am thinking of you and sending you all my best wishes. I hope everything works out ok. I also hope your support worker comes through, that would be so good.

I know you have your toolbox and will reach out to crisis supports etc if you need to.

We are here with you.

HhXx

Thankyou @hopeful_hannah, I was really hoping to hear from my support worker but I haven't. She usually comes at 11 but it's just gone that now and I haven't had a message at all. I needed that bit of extra support today, even if it was just to talk about what's going on 😞.

@MissGremlin Oh that's a shame. It's ok. We're here.

Feel like calling someone for a chat or no?

Can we help?

Have you called Listenwell before?

@hopeful_hannah she messaged just after I'd pressed reply, so she's on her way now. I'll only have a little bit of time with her but it's better than nothing right now.

It helps just knowing that there's people here and that I'm not completely alone.

I've tried to get through to them before but they have very long waits.

Hi @Captain24 how are you today?

It sounds like yesterday’s psych appointment was really positive, I’m glad you were able to talk through everything that had happened with your GP and that your psych was supportive of the way you’re approaching things

I think taking it slowly and making small changes that you can actually maintain is such a good approach. It sounds like you’re already putting a lot of thought into how you can make things work for you long term, and it’s lovely to hear that your psych recognised that too. You should be proud of yourself 💛

I hope you had a lovely weekend too and get some time to relax and enjoy yourself. Take care and I’ll chat to you when you’re back 😊

How did you go with Casper @MissGremlin

Im still at work so if I don’t respond until later that’s why!

@Captain24 the vet tried to drain them but nothing really came out, the little she did get though she came back and said that they're benign and should go away in a couple of months.

Hope work is going ok sweet.

@Captain24 so I'm on the last section of the mystery one and I've finally worked out what the picture is 😂.

That’s such good news about Casper. I bet you are glad you got it checked! @MissGremlin I did see it before I left work but went to like it but it had logged me out

Thats awesome that it has kept you guessing this long! The one I’m doing at work has totally different colours to the picture printed! Who knows what that is going to turn out like!

Oh and on the good news front. I have only just gotten so tired that I need to go to bed. Not this afternoon!!! Apparently it was because the machine gave me quality sleep for the few hours I had it on!