I can’t cope

@Captain24 you've done absolutely amazing sweet, I'm so proud of you.

I've just hopped into bed. Guess what, I finished the custom diamond art!

I’m just waiting for 10 more minutes to feed the dogs and I’m going to bed. I’m absolutely exhausted and can barely stand and I’m shaking. I’m also stressing about the test tomorrow too. @MissGremlin

How did it turn out? Are you happy with it now? Yay for finishing it.

@Jynx I'm glad you're plodding along sweet, spending time with the kitties and keeping warm sounds perfect. Firefly was only very short, i wish it had gone for longer. Yay for Buffy time again, I've almost finished Buffy again but I've been watching Angel aswell ☺️.

I've been forgetting alot lately which then leads to those negative thoughts even when i know it's cos I've got so much going on and the lack of sleep isn't helping. It really does suck, the lady was so rude to me, completely dismissing the support letters I had but my support worker stood up for me, she was just shocked at how the whole meeting went. I fought back tears the entire time, but held myself together while I was in there. Unfortunately this challenge is not one I'm going to win despite my best efforts, the system requires you to actually be homeless before they will move you to category 1 which is absolutely ridiculous cos by then it's too late, you've lost everything.

The diamond art has been good, especially when we get to do it together ☺️

@Captain24 oh sweet, that type of exhaustion sucks so much, it's how I get. I'm really hoping that test goes ok for you tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you ❤️.

I think it's turned out ok, I'll post a pic tomorrow just need to be quick to remove it after you've seen it.

Yeah. I get that @MissGremlin ee will work out when we are both free tomorrow to wait for it to be approved. I’m excited to see it.

Im going to feed the dogs now and go to bed.

I really hope and can get some sleep tonight. I’m thinking of you

@Captain24 I'm really hoping we can both get a good night's sleep. Night night sweetheart, sending lots of love and hugs ❤️.

I really don't understand how I can be completely exhausted but unable to sleep, it's driving me crazy. I've tried so hard to settle and I've dozed off a few times but I keep waking up every few minutes in a state of panic. My thoughts haven't stopped and my whole body feels restless, like it's hard to even lay still but I dont feel safe getting up and moving around cos of how strong the urges are so I'm laying here constantly moving my legs and tossing and turning.

Whenever I close my eyes every possible scenario of how I could and want to hurt myself flashes through my eyes, I can't escape it. It's usually what happens when I'm trying to fall asleep and then I doze off but wake up with a jolt or having a nightmare where I'm doing things to myself and then I wake in a panic. It's so scary, overwhelming and makes me question reality cos of how real it all feels.

I just needed to get this out, to not feel so alone right now. I'm safe, laying in bed, snuggled up with Casper and I'm trying to connect to a service.

Im so sorry it’s so hard for you to sleep @MissGremlin. I really wish it would happen for you. I think you need an in hospital sleep test for them to see what actually happens.

Im sitting here waiting for my breathing test and they have sleep hygiene on the tv. It’s all good to say that but they don’t talk about shift work! This is a coal mining medical service!

I just did the test. You have to do it a minimum of 4 times and need all to be in the normal range. I only needed the 4! Just waiting to see the doctor

@Captain24 I probably do but not sure if it would be possible.

Yeah it's definitely hard doing shift work and sleep hygiene cos everything gets messed up.

Hoping they are all in normal range sweet, fingers crossed for you.

I passed it! You have to blow in the thing a minimum of 4 times and you need 3 good results. All 4 were good! The doctor wants to send me for a CT scan just to check things but I said no. At this stage all I need from my medical is a yearly certificate from my psychiatrist saying that I’m suitable for work with all my current medications. So my medical is all good for another 3 years. A CT scan could bring up restrictions so why risk it? @MissGremlin

Could your friend that looked after Casper while you had the weekend away look after him for a night while you did it?

He also told me that I have to quit smoking. It’s funny though. My psych and psychiatrist never mention it as it helps with my grounding and mental health!