I can’t cope

@Captain24 yay! I'm so glad that you passed it sweet and that your medical is good for 3 years. Don't see why you'd need to do a CT scan at this stage, it's just not necessary.

Will see what happens, right now I'm just focused on getting the sleep study done next week and then we'll go from there.

I mean whilst it would be good to quit smoking for your overall health, it's a decision that's completely up to you. It's also a big decision as it can have huge impacts and right now things are going ok, any change could cause things to shift.

Yeah one step at a time @MissGremlin Please consider the hospital if this one doesn’t work. They need to see you in action with the panic and stuff

My psych would be against it right now for the same reasons. If I stay in this place for a few months then I’ll consider it. But right now it’s helping. I had quit before I went in for my last inpatient stay and one of the psych in there suggested to start again if it helped me mentally!

Im sitting in the sun trying to talk myself into walking the dogs but im a little scared after the last walk. I have to do it though to break my car and theirs. Then I’ll come home and finish of this diamond art. My customs have been ‘delayed’ I’ve never had that come up before. I’m hoping they arrive today or tomorrow. I’ll keep checking the app!

What are you up to?

@Captain24 I will, it's scary to think about anyone seeing me like that though, it's embarrassing.

Yes I agree, see how things are in a few months time but right now it's something that helps and that's ok.

Can understand being scared after what happened but I'm sure the owner of that dog is probably going to be more cautious now given what happened aswell, well I'd hope so. Oh that sucks that they've been delayed, hopefully they come soon. I had another delivery this morning with more kits and another mystery one.

I've done a load of washing and hung it up, cleaned the sink, dish rack and did the dishes and I sorted out the gems for my next diamond art that I'm going to do.

I can understand that @MissGremlin ay least you would have someone there to calm you down.

I just walked them. The man with the dog is away as his caravan is gone but Pix kept watching the place as we walked past. She did very well. Then there was another man out walking and they barked at the dog but were ok. I’m proud of them.

Im really tired as I got up early this morning for my medical and I worked so hard on little sleep yesterday. I’m going to see if I can have a nap. I also have a pounding headache from that test and getting all the air out of me!

My diamond arts arrive shortly I just got notification! Aren’t you doing your next customer or need a little break?

@Captain24 yeah maybe, see what happens.

You did so well to take them for a walk and I'm glad that they were ok. I'm proud of both you and them.

I hope you can get some sleep sweet, you deserve it. Understand the headache from getting the air out of you, hopefully it settles for you.

Yay, I'm glad they arrived. I was going to do the next custom but wanted to wait a bit. I'm trying to work through being triggered at the moment after an accidental mishap with the scissors while I was sorting out the sections on the diamond art that I'm starting (I'm safe). Thinking I might go and lay down for a while myself and try to come back to it later, just hoping it doesn't set me back from being able to do them.

Hey @MissGremlin . I just wanted to check in after reading your post from this morning. It sounded like a really exhausting night for you, and I'm glad to see you have been active on the forum since then.

How are you feeling this morning? Were you able to get any rest or connect with a support service? Thinking of you and hoping today feels a little more manageable. I hope Casper gave some great snuggles

Hello @SmashedAvocado, thankyou for checking in and for the kind words. I'm feeling very out of it, the panic has been constant since I got up this morning and hasn't settled despite me trying to distract and keep myself busy. I didn't manage to connect to a service as I was dozing on and off but only for a few minutes at a time.

I'm laying on my lounge with Casper snuggled up with me, things are really hitting so hard today though (I'm safe).

@MissGremlin Sounds like sleep was what you needed most. Every little bit counts. Perhaps you might manage to doze off and get a little more sleep today. Im sure Casper would appreciate the warm cuddles for longer. Im glad to hear you are feeling safe despite how hard things are.

@SmashedAvocado I'm hoping i can but my brain and body are really against me actually sleeping. Just resting on the lounge might have to be good enough today.

I've tried so hard to rest, I dozed off for a few minutes but then woke up in a complete panic with a million thoughts racing through me. Today marks 5 months since my niece passed away in March, it still feels so unreal, I remember the exact moment I found out and I just froze, going down in a heap on my kitchen floor. I haven't processed the loss, not of her or my uncle that passed away on the same day, not of my other niece that took her life in December, not of my dogs that I've lost. I don't know how to or if it's even possible. It all hurts so much, my brain can't accept that any of it is real. I can't even talk about them, the memories cause me so much pain and then I feel guilty that I can't talk about them cos they meant so much to me.

I'm safe, laying on my lounge with Casper snuggled up to me. I'm trying so hard to take things one second at a time and to be gentle with myself.