I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'm sorry that you didn't really sleep sweet, restless legs suck, I'm hoping you can get lots of sleep tonight. I'm glad you've got an appointment booked with your GP even if it's still a while away, it will be good if you can get the sleep apnoea sorted.

You've done so much sweet, I'm really proud of you especially knowing how tired to would be. Tomorrow's work does sound like alot but just take it one step at a time and do what you can, hope the medical for work goes ok.

That sucks that they haven't arrived yet, fingers crossed they come tomorrow.

I've done 2 sections today so have 3 more to do i think then I'm finished. I got a parcel before with some more diamond arts in it aswell as some fidget things that I brought.

It’s all good. I’ll catch up on sleep soon. @MissGremlin Ill be in bed as soon as I have fed the dogs though!

Im hoping so and I’m not sure what showed up in my blood test results. I’m guessing low iron for starters.

I just have to do this breathing test for work and I haven’t passed on yet! I’ve been preaching and mum has an asthma thing that I’m going to take before I go in the hope that it’s relaxes my airways! Depending on how long the medical takes I should be free about 12 ish for diamond art if you want to. I need to finish this one and there is actually another one that I really really want to do. It’s 30x30 so it shouldn’t take too long and when I’m finished tomorrow’s jobs I’m done until Sunday! I just have to duck out Friday morning but I’ll be home before it’s time to feed the dogs.

Yay… so close! We can do it tomorrow! Oh.. new ones is always good. I can’t wait until I get mine! They are going to be so hard though!!!! It’s going to take me ages. I’m hoping I get both done by Christmas. I should.

@Captain24 I'm hoping that I can sleep tonight especially after today being so hard.

I remember about the breathing test, fingers crossed it all goes well for you and you pass it this time. Will have to see how i go tomorrow whether I rest or do my diamond art. Hopefully you finish the one you're working on soon.

It's always exciting getting new ones, I look forward to doing some easier ones after I've finished this custom one. They are hard but so worth it.

My brain is going a million miles an hour and it's making it hard to reply to posts so if I'm slow or miss replying to things I'm sorry sweet.

I hope you sleep too @MissGremlin. just a break from everything,

I hate the stupid thing! But I have to give it another go. I think I have the technique right now though.

It’s ok to test and not do diamond art. I’ll probably have a sleep at some stage anyway. I’ll be tired tomorrow after not sleeping g today and getting everything done so I have nothing to do!

I’m glad I got the cheaper ones as they are easier than what I’m use to and it’s a break. The customs are just so hard!! Oh and time consuming! Just to get results quicker would be good. Maybe I’ll leave the one I really want to do until I have finished my first custom. Do it then do the next custom.

It’s ok. I feel like I’m on overdrive too. But I’m using my house work as a distraction. I’ve had a shower and washed my hair. I haven’t dried it yet and I’m about to go and tackle all the ironing. Then I’ll dry my hair and it’ll be dinner time and I can just sit and chill until bed time!

Whats for dinner at your house?

@Captain24 i really do need a break, just to switch off from everything.

Yeah i struggle with the breathing tests myself, even doing random breath tests can be hard 😂.

At this stage I plan to rest tomorrow but if I'm lucky enough to get a good sleep tonight then maybe I won't need to.

It's definitely nice to have a break to do the easier ones. I've been working on the custom during the day and another custom at night but not a detailed one, it's only a shein custom. That sounds like a good plan I reckon.

That's why I did the vacuuming earlier to keep distracted otherwise it was going to be doing other things (I'm safe). I've still been keeping on top of wiping things down too.

Dinner tonight is bolognase 😋. What's on the menu for you tonight?

Hey @AuntGlow

I need to work something out with work. I need to figure out how to not let it trigger me. I take in peoples criticism and it’s really hard. One mistake in a day and it’s not good enough. It’s what is pointed out not the good bits. I’m not sure how to detach from it. It would be good to be able to see that I’m taking more care and trying extra hard. That’s what I’m doing but only getting comments because I make a mistake. I even asked if I was doing better and get told what I have done wrong not that it’s better.

I do work hard and I try and do everything right. I misunderstood instructions last night and so did the loader operator so I actually started a pile of coal in the wrong spot. That’s not ok. They said on the main radio channel that that’s not where it’s suppose to go it’s supposed to go somewhere else. Everyone just followed me. So I called up in the bosses channel and apologised profusely and said that it was all my fault not the loader operator. Then I cried. It got mentioned again by someone else and I said it was my fault. I then called back on the bosses channel and asked if it was considered an incident. They told me to stop stressing and that it’s ok. See I really do care about what I’m doing and take responsibility for my actions.

The last 2 nights haven’t been really bad shifts but the days were. I seem to do a bit better on nightshift even though I was extremely tired. I struggled to stay awake driving.

I got home at 8 this morning and have cleaned the house, I’m talking shower screens, kitchen splash backs, all the glass jars in the kitchen bench and stainless steel cleaner on the stove top, dishwasher and fridge. Ensuite and main bathroom are clean and all the floors are done. Then I went to bed to try and sleep and couldn’t. So now I have changed my bedlinen, showered and washed my hair and I’m just doing the ironing. But I’ve been able to do it as I’m not going to work.

I definitely feel different today. There is no impending doom and no stress. There is a massive difference between being at work and not. I’m really looking forward to the next couple of days and what stuff I can jam in that I want to do. After my morning routine that is. Which is get up have a shower and clean my teeth. Feed the dogs, take them for a walk, open the front and back doors so fresh air flows through and open my blinds for natural light. Then sit on the grass in the sun for 30-60 minutes. I actually can’t wait until tomorrow to enjoy myself. And I am actually enjoying my life away from work. I love taking them for a walk. I get lots of cuddles. I get to do what I want to do. If I want to sit and do diamond art all day then I can and that’s ok. I do t need to earn it or deserve it. If I want to watch tv all day I can. If I want to do puzzles I can. I can actually say that I’m reasonably happy on my days off.

Anyway that’s a @Jynx ramble for you!

How are you going?

I have to blow into a machine every shift and that takes a lot! I can’t enter site until I have and it’s zero. @MissGremlin

Im still doing the ironing! I just responded with an essay to auntglow! Keeping things wiped down amd vacuuming is really good. It gets you into a routine ever so slightly and for me having my house clean makes me feel a little better. Just no clutter. I was never ever this good at housework though! It’s only been since I built this place and even in the last 5 years I’ve been here it’s gotten into really bad states with my mental health. That’s why I push so hard to clean. plus for me it’s a massive distraction. But that’s where I need a list as I have to be able to see what I have ticked off!

Is the other one easy or hard?

That sounds yum. I’m having chicken tikka that I got for work but had to halve as it was too big! It’s really yummy!

@Captain24 that would be hard to do every night.

I don't do ironing anymore other than if I need to label something, It's actually a trigger for me oddly enough. It feels good to not have so much mess around but it's only cos at the moment it's all in the shed.

The other one I do at night is an easier one though it's still taking time but I've only been doing one section a night and then trying to sleep.

I can't do bolognase, I somehow forgot to get both the canned tomatoes and the pasta sauce that I needed 😞. I'm feeling like a failure for forgetting them and others are making it known that they aren't happy with me (I'm safe).

Oh.. I iron everything! I’ve just finished my work clothes and now I have to do 4 tracksuits and a polo top! They won’t take as long though. @MissGremlin

Thats ok. You can’t see it! 😜 I’m glad it feels better though,

Youte not a failure. You can’t get them tomorrow and they can have it tomorrow night. What else do you have?

@Captain24 I used to iron everything for one of my ex's and his parents when we lived all together.

Haha very true, out of sight, out of mind 😂.

I'd already put the pasta on before I realised, so it's just pasta tonight now.