I can’t cope

Oh.. definitely everything on your plate or you couldn’t leave the table. Whether you liked it or not. Some meals I was actually heaving. To this day I do mash potato under sufferance but I cannot do it mashed with pumpkin as well. Just writing this makes me heave! @MissGremlin Oh and asking to be excused from the table when you had finished!

I can imagine it’s hard. Do you get it at all in the next 2 days? Or not until next week?

I just messaged mum that Pix turned her back on me and Jett sighed and her response was that she didn’t blame them. 😢 I guess she wouldn’t appreciate it either.

@Captain24 oh sweet, i was in the same situation with the heaving, funnily enough pumpkin soup is what i can't eat for the same reason. Sending hugs ❤️.

I'm hoping I've at least got the next 2 days to myself, but we'll see.

That feels a bit hurtful that she said that, even if she didn't mean it to come across in a nasty way.

At least you get it @MissGremlin. I was telling my psych the other day about routine and I could say what was for dinner each night of the week when I was a kid. I was also telling her how mum will have a shower of a morning on certain days and will have a coffee at certain days at 10:30! She then said ‘o wonder where your neurodivergence comes from’ I just I don’t know! 😂

I hope you do. I should have time to spend with you tomorrow. Especially in the afternoon. Some

peace for you would be good before the weekend. Just some space.

It was a joke but they don’t always come across right!

@Captain24 I definitely get it. Haha the neurodivergence has to come from somewhere 😂. I don't remember much of my childhood, mostly just the traumatic parts.

I really do hope i can at least get some peace before the weekend. Being able to spend some time together tomorrow would be awesome ☺️.

I know what you mean.

That’s a shame. I have lots of traumatic memories, meal times were! But there is quite a few. I do have some ok ones that I remember though. But usually the good moments have mum ruining them in the end. Something to work on with my psych when I’m stable. @MissGremlin

I’ll do my best to get everything done quickly. I have a list with times so hopefully I beat it! That’s my aim. Plus I have already done 2 things from it. I have myself finishing at 12:30 so I’ll see how I go. I’m kind of waiting for my good moments to end. Connecting with you will hopefully slow that down .

@Captain24 what happens with me is I'll remember what I think is a good memory only to discover that it's actually tainted. Speaking of psychs I rang the place that I've been trying to get support from earlier today after they said they'd ring me in a few days and 3 weeks later I still hadn't heard from them, they rang back a few minutes ago to say that their receptionist had been off sick and that they will ring me tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath 😂.

I'm hoping the good moments keep going for you sweet, i can understand waiting for them to end though. Our brains get so used to the bad times that when things are ok it feels alien to us and we expect that crash.

When you hadn’t said anything I thought it didn’t happen and I was scared to ask. @MissGremlin. hopefully you hear from them tomorrow with a positive response. My fingers are crossed 🤞 for you.

My psych said she gets it and understands that I’m not trying to bring it on by thinking that way it’s just what past experience shows me. I’m doing everything right though. It’s really hard work and I hope it doesn’t have to be hard forever.

What was for dinner? I’ve just put my pot on to boil

@Captain24 i wasn't going to ring them to chase it up as them not making any contact without me doing so hurts. Guess we'll see what happens but I don't believe they are going to accept me.

No we're not trying to bring it on, it's just those past experiences make it hard to see things being different. It won't be hard work forever sweet, you're retraining your brain which takes time but it will get easier as time goes on.

Dinner tonight was bolognase 😋

I get that you don’t think they will help and I don’t blame you @MissGremlin Safer to not get your hopes up but the rejection is still going to sting either way. I’m really praying for you a psych is better than anything else I reckon.

Yes.. I have to build new neural pathways! Then it’ll get a little easier. I have to keep referring to my SP as well. Keep the different things running through my head!

@Captain24 the rejection will hurt either way but I've pretty much already accepted that they won't help me. I mean the referral was done months ago (1st April), they have no waiting lists either but yet I still haven't made any progress, my doctor even sent through a second referral with still no reply.

I'm so sorry sweet, i need to hop off. What's going on here is completely overwhelming me and I feel like I'm going to lose it. I'm safe for now, trying hard to do my routine but it's just not happening right now.

I hope you have a good night, take care of yourself sweetheart ❤️.