I can’t cope

You do what you need to. I’m sorry it’s getting so hard for you. Please just stop for a second breathe and then focus on your routine. You will be in bed soon. @MissGremlin 

@Captain24 I've just sat in bed, I'm trying to calm myself down. I really dislike when it's nights like tonight, I get too overwhelmed and the thoughts take over 😞. Everything just happens so suddenly and I struggle to catch things before they get out of control. I'm safe for now, I'm feeling really tired so I'm hoping once it goes quiet here that I can get some sleep.

I hope you can calm down. @MissGremlin Anything I can do to help?

Maybe getting some sleep would be good, even just laying low for a little while.

Im hoping sleep will find you soon.

I also get that it is so easy to come crashing down.

@Captain24 just you being here helps and the reminder to stop and breathe helped, so thankyou sweet.

I've got my diamond art in front of me, i didn't even finish the section i started last night cos I was so tired and I'm not sure if I want to do any tonight.

I feel completely exhausted, like every bit of energy has been sucked out of me (I'm safe).

Sorry @MissGremlin I was just doing to dogs and got kicked out mid message.

If you don’t want to do it then that’s ok. If you just want to lay down and try to sleep that’s ok too. Whatever is feeling right at this moment.

I get the everything being sucked out of you and I don’t go through what you do. It’s ok to allow yourself such just relax and chill time with Casper.

Just hold him, feel his warmth, feel his breath on you.

@Captain24 oh that's frustrating getting kicked out mid message.

I'm trying to finish this little section of diamond art then I'll see how i feel after.

I'm still waiting for things to settle here and I can't lay down until it has.

I was stroking Caspers ears but that was a reminder of the fact that he's currently got a cyst on his ear and I can't afford another vet trip to get it looked at. I'm hoping it will go away on it's own.

That’s fair.. decide when everything has quietened down @MissGremlin

Oh poor Casper. I hope it goes away for him. At least cysts don’t usually hurt. The ones I had in my breasts went away.

I’ve just had a shower and jumped into bed with this dumb thing on my nose. It’s hurting my face already. I hope I get use to it.

If I stop replying that’s why.

@Captain24 I'm glad the ones in your breasts went away, that must have been scary though. I think it's cos when he had the ear infection he had rubbed his ear so much that he made a bald patch and when it's grown back one of the hair follicles has become infected causing the cyst.

I'm glad you're in bed but those nose things sound so uncomfortable. I'm hoping you can fall asleep soon sweet and get a good night's rest. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs ❤️

Of course tonight couldn't be another good night 😞. I tried to go to sleep early but I've woken up so many times since and the most recent time the panic has been so bad and I'm struggling to calm myself down. When I woke up there was noises and I think Casper was barking but I don't know if it was real or just a dream/nightmare. Everything feels like it's racing so fast inside of me and I can't slow things down, I still feel like I'm partly asleep, nothing feels real and I don't feel like I can move.

I'm safe, trying hard to focus on Caspers breathing while I've got my hand on him.

I've tried so hard to get more sleep but nothing has worked. I got up and had a drink, walked around my house and went outside briefly, I've listened to music and watched some funny videos, talked to a service twice but it wasn't helpful. I'm getting really frustrated and upset that I can't go to sleep, my head and heart are pounding and I'm feeling nauseous. It's so disheartening when I try so many things but nothing helps, I'm feeling stuck on what to do.

I feel scared and alone, trying so hard to keep the thoughts at bay but they are getting strong. I'm safe for now, laying in bed with Casper snuggled up next to me.