I can’t cope

@Captain24 I used to have it all the time with no issues, I had it on Sunday and I was fine. It's not that I'm fussy, I've had a few really bad experiences when I've eaten out so I'm cautious now. My anxiety is also too much cos of my jaw clicking and I get scared to get sick from eating things that I don't make myself.

I had a full on meltdown in spotlight on Sunday, I felt so ashamed. I was lucky that I had my friend with me at the time but I was triggered and started having flashbacks 😞.

That’s fair. With your phobia that makes it understandable. I haven’t really hard too many issues. @MissGremlin

Sorry about your meltdown, that would have been really horrible. I know how ashamed I was when it happened at work. I’m glad your friend was there with you.

@Captain24 it's hard with my phobia. It's funny cos both me and my friend are the same so we both get each other with it.

I've never had that happen before. But I was looking for fabric and it brought up the memories of me and mum always going together before everything went wrong. It really hurts so much that things are like this now and I'd do anything to fix things (I'm safe).

At least you both get it as I really don’t. I don’t like it and cry and feel sick if it’s anyone else but not a fear. @MissGremlin

That would have been so hard. Just memories can do so much. I’m so sorry it was like that. I wish you could work it out too. I’d be lost without mine.

I had more questions and then I remembered. So feel free to say as much or as little as you want.

@Captain24 i just have massive anxiety over being sick myself or being around anyone if i know they've been sick recently. But everytime I feel nauseous I panic thinking that I'm coming down sick.

Memories can bring up so much trauma. Even when I talk to her now, it's not the same and I get so emotional over it.

I'm about to start dinner but I'll be doing my diamond art in between.

Thankyou so much for being here and chatting to me today sweet ❤️.

That makes sense @MissGremlin Do you actually come down with something and get sick very often? I don’t have the anxiety of being around anyone. I wouldn’t be able to drive my truck if I did. It’s a sealed, reverse cycled air conditioned cab with many people hoping in and out of it. If I do get anything usually it comes from the truck!

That would be so hard. It must hurt a lot.

I had decided that when I finished this section I would start on my puzzle. I’m only about half way through and I just looked at the time! Maybe if I can sort out my sleep better I can be awake longer and get more hours out of my day! Then here you are wishing it would end. I haven’t felt like this. Usually I’m just waiting to go to bed.

@Captain24 no i don't. The last time I was sick with anything other than a cold was 2024 and that was when I ended up in hospital with severe stomach pain after losing Laylah. Then before that it was new years eve 2021 when the same thing happened after a significant loss.

Haha time flies when you're having fun! When we're struggling the days feel like they drag on forever.

At least you don’t get sick very often but it seems when you do it follows severe trauma! @MissGremlin

I get colds and stuff and very susceptible to Covid for some reason. But usually dont get really sick. Chest infections are common but they go with a cold anyway.

It’s flying so fast today. I told my psych that I felt uncomfortable in this space and that I felt more comfortable when I was really bad. She understood totally. I thought it was my mind being negative and telling me that I will never make it. But she said this will become familiar as time progresses. I’m just praying that it stays long enough for me to try and understand it.

@Captain24 yes, when I get sick with anything other than a cold it sets me back for ages. Then everytime nausea hits it all comes flooding back and I panic.

Colds are annoying but I can deal with them, other than having a blocked nose, that i don't cope with cos I don't breathe through my mouth.

I can also totally understand that. It's like when I feel anything other that pain and suffering it makes me feel uncomfortable cos I'm not used to it, it makes it hard to enjoy those lighter moments. I'm hoping it stays for you for a while sweet, you deserve it ❤️.

The strips I got today you put on your nose and it widens your nostrils. It’s just a see and what happens with me but they are also used for sinus and breathing conditions. That might help when you have a cold? They are suppose to stop me snoring. Maybe I won’t wake myself up with the noise! Or am I waking up snoring because I’m not breathing? @MissGremlin

It does make it hard. I’m also questioning when it’s going to fall! It is hard to enjoy those moments but we need to find a way. I actually told my psych today that I deserve to feel like this as I have worked so f’ing hard! She was impressed with me saying that I deserve it.

A good song just came on and I was dancing around the lounge room to my audience but they jut stared at me with confusion and disgust. They just didn’t appreciate my talents! 😂 😂 😂 😂

I want to finish this section before I have dinner but not sure that’s going to happen.