I can’t cope

Firstly I'll say that I'm safe for the moment.

But tonight has been such a bad night, I've only slept for 49 minutes before waking up in a full on panic. I reached out to a crisis service where I was met with someone that was honestly amazing, she listened, she cared and she took the time to understand without judging me for anything, we chatted for 2 hours. At the start of the chat I wasn't in a good space, I was ready to act on things and had everything ready to go, i couldn't see any other way given how I was feeling. My body went into overdrive, my head was pounding, my heart was pounding and skipping a beat constantly, my whole body was shaking, my nose started to bleed, I was almost passing out just trying to sit and breathe. Everything was truly too much and I couldn't cope but she stayed with me, she didn't try to fix things but just chatted and let me talk about whatever I was comfortable with. In that moment she made all the difference, things could have gone the other way and I'm honestly not sure what would have happened if they did but thankfully in this instance things have turned out ok.

I'm feeling sleepy but I'm scared to try to sleep again yet, so for the moment I'm just laying in bed listening to music with Casper snuggled up next to me. I'm trying to focus on knowing that I have my doctors appointment later today, really hoping that I can do a sleep study soon and a holter test for my heart.

Hey @MissGremlin

Im home and just had breakfast. Hoping to fit a shower in before I feed the dogs.

I struggled a bit last night. Well near the end actually when one of the digger operators said I was always in the wrong spot. He meant for the whole night. It was over the 2 way. So I’m a bit embarrassed and defeated. The guys yesterday said I was fine. So I don’t know.

My glasses were good but obvious didn’t fix how useless I am.

Im sorry you had a rough night and that threads are playing up again. It’s never ending!

Im thinking of you.

Hoping to have a good sleep and hope it resets me. I’m feeling really down

Hello @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry that you struggled a bit last night. Having it said over the 2 way would have been embarrassing, but maybe he was having a bad night being that the other guys said you were fine.

You're not useless sweetheart, I'm glad your glasses were good.

It's 4 social threads that are down, but yet moderators can still access them so it feels like they just don't want us to be social on here and have general chitchat.

I hope you're able to get a good sleep, I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Hi @MissGremlin

I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough night.

I’m glad you reached out to the crisis service and that you had someone who really listened and stayed with you through such a difficult night. It sounds like having that support made a huge difference

I’m also glad you’re safe and have Casper there with you. I hope your appointment today goes well and that you’re able to get some answers around the sleep and heart issues you’ve been experiencing

Take it gently today, and please keep reaching out for support if things start feeling unsafe again. I’m really glad you’re here 💛

Hello @Nala2022 sweet, it really was such a rough night, lots of little things all snowballed together and it got too much.

I'm glad i chose to reach out, it wasn't easy cos I was scared that it could make things worse but I was sort of in a situation where if I didn't reach out then the worst was going to happen and if I reached out and it was a bad experience then it was still going to happen so I had nothing to lose (don't know if that makes sense). It was just lucky that the person I got helped the way they did, I didn't think it was possible given how bad things were.

I have 4 things i need to remember to talk about with my doctor, I don't want to forget any of them.

Thankyou for your kind words ❤️. I really do need to take it gently today and very slowly.

How are you doing today sweet?

It makes complete sense @MissGremlin, and I'm really glad you chose to reach out when things got that intense. It sounds like you recognised how serious things had become and made the choice to get some support, even though you were scared about what that experience might be like, that took a lot of courage

Maybe write them down and bring with you to your appointment? Hopefully having them written down makes things feel a little easier during your appointment today

I'm doing okay today, thank you for asking, I’m all rugged up trying to keep warm and have just finished a cuppa. Definitely a day for staying cosy! 😊

Take things slowly today and be gentle with yourself. You've been through a lot overnight 💛

@Nala2022 it took a huge amount of courage. She was a very kind person to talk to and I was thankful to her for listening and being understanding. I told her that she helped me to get through that moment after the fact cos I didn't let her know how close I was to acting whilst I was in that space (I'm safe). The thing I struggle with now is that so much of it is nothing but a blur now, not being able to remember everything sucks.

I've written 3/4 things down but I've forgotten the 4th, my brain is a mess today.

I'm good you're doing ok sweet, staying rugged up sounds like a perfect idea today. It's 12⁰ here but feels like 10, we have alot of rain for the next week where I am.

I'll do my best to, thankyou sweet ❤️.

I'm really glad you had someone who was able to listen and support you through that moment @MissGremlin 

I'm sorry so much of it feels like a blur now. Hopefully your doctor can help you work through some of what's been happening, even if you can't remember everything right now

12° with rain sounds like perfect weather to stay rugged up! I'm definitely going to make the most of the cosy weather here too, it's 11° here at the moment

I hope the rest of your day goes a little more smoothly 💛

@Nala2022 I'm really glad too especially cos I've been lucky enough to chat to you this morning ☺️.

I hope he can, i just really want to get some answers around my sleep and my heart playing up.

It's definitely perfect weather to stay rugged up and I'm loving having Casper cuddles.

I hope you have a lovely day sweet and thankyou for being here ❤️.

I'm trying to find the energy to get up to make a cuppa.

Aw likewise @MissGremlin 😊

That's completely understandable, and I really hope you're able to get some answers around your sleep and heart soon

It really is so comforting cuddling up with our pets 😊

Thank you lovely, it's always nice chatting with you

Go gently getting up for that cuppa, just think how nice and warm it will be once you're back on the lounge with it ☕️💛