I can’t cope

@Captain24 I did so much this morning and then everything came crashing down and it's not really stopped since I'm exhausted, sick of not being able to sleep so that I have a chance to reset. It's alot right now and I'm not sure how much longer i can keep going like this, I just don't want to. Anyway I'm safe for now, going to do some diamond art while having my TV shows on in the background. Sorry for the vent.

I hope you can get lots of sleep sweet, night night ❤️

I've been trying to sleep but I've woken up every few minutes since 11.40m and each time it's been in a panic. My left eye is bloodshot and so sore and not being able to sleep is making it so much worse. I'm really not sure what I'm meant to do anymore, I'm trying so hard to keep pushing through despite how hard things are but I'm losing this battle. Even laying here now and my thoughts move more towards plans cos I'm just exhausted and I can't catch a break. I've been trying to get through to the crisis service but it's not able to connect me so I can't even talk things through with anyone and it's hard sitting alone with how intense things are.

I just needed to get things out so I'm not sitting completely alone with things. I'm scared, not scared of the thoughts but cos of how they make me feel. I'm safe for now, laying with Casper snuggled up against me.

Hey @MissGremlin

Not being able to sleep and just take a break from those heavy thoughts would be so frustrating for you. We can hear how desperate you are for some rest.

I'm glad that you know you don't have to be alone. You've done well posting here and reaching out to that crisis line. Sorry that you haven't been able to connect to someone on the phone :( Have you tried both Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service?

How do you feel about guided meditation? Maybe this is something you could try to keep your mind distracted while you stay cozy in bed (Guided Meditation - Headspace and Calm - Meditation and Sleep).

Us mods will be around all night listening if you want to keep sharing here, too 🌸

And let us know if you do end up getting through to talk to a crisis counsellor!

Bandicoot

Hello @bandicoot, it really is so frustrating. I just want to be able to rest and reset, to not constantly feel exhausted.

I'm only able to reach out to one crisis service as the other put restrictions on me for seeking support from them like they told me to. I was limited to contacting them once a day but even when I did so they told me I'd already had my interaction for the day despite not connecting with them for weeks at a time.

I've tried meditation but it's just not for me. Thankyou for the suggestion though. I'm just watching random videos on my phone at the moment to keep myself distracted as much as I can (I'm safe for now).

Thankyou for being here and listening, it means alot to know that I'm not alone especially with things feeling as hard as they are right now.

I've been able to at least join the chat queue now but I'm not sure how long I'll be waiting to connect with someone.

Ah okay! That makes sense. I know these services put in boundaries like that sometimes when it comes to ongoing support. Sounds like you're doing your best to navigate that tricky situation. Hopefully they can chat to you soon as it's clearly a time of need :(

Random videos is an excellent, low energy, distraction! I'm manifesting that your algorithm brings you wholesome and stimulating content 🙏

@bandicoot I've given up waiting as I'm dozing off, just hoping I can sleep for more than a few minutes.

Okay @MissGremlin - hoping for the best! But don't be too hard on yourself if can't sleep for long. You're doing your best with what you have right now. And tomorrow is another chance to work on a recovery plan ❤️

@bandicoot I'm awake yet again in a panic 😞.I feel like crying, why can't I just sleep like normal people do?. I've got my inspection later today so I won't even get a chance to rest. I'm feeling so angry with myself for not being able to sleep and also for struggling to stay in control of my emotions and thoughts. I need daylight to come around already, to know that I've made it through the night cos right now it feels like the darkness is swallowing me.

I'm back to trying to connect with the crisis service. I'm safe for now, but I don't feel it. Laying here snuggled up with Casper listening to him snore.

Hey @MissGremlin,

Feeling you couldn't have a good sleep like other people is understandably tough and frustrating to go through. I can hear you feel worried that you may not get much rest later today as you will have an inspection. Trying to connect with crisis service sounds like a good idea when you feel like the emotions are getting harder to manage.

We hope you can be gentle to yourself today and that you would be able to get some support from the crisis service.

Hello @CalmOwl, I never got the chance to talk to anyone as my chat got disconnected. Anyway daylight is here which means I've made it through the night, not sure how to get through the day though. I'm safe for now, doing my morning routine and I'm about to have a cuppa.