I can’t cope

@Nala2022 I can't switch off, my head is pounding and the thoughts are so loud, it's like screaming inside my head. I'm waiting to get through to the crisis service as I don't like how intense things are feeling. I just wanted to share where things are at and to know that I'm not sitting alone while I'm waiting. I'm safe for the moment even when it doesn't feel like it, Casper is snuggled up with me.

@MissGremlin I'm sorry things feel so intense right now and I'm glad you're waiting to connect with the crisis service, especially since you noticed things were becoming too overwhelming. That was a really important step to take

I'm also glad you have Casper snuggled up with you while you're waiting. Try to just focus on getting through this moment rather than the whole day ahead. You don't have to solve everything right now.

Thank you for letting us know you're safe for the moment. We're here with you while you wait 💛

Fantastic news @Captain24 you must be so proud!! It's amazing when we actually get a felt sense for something isn't it? Knowing we can access that state again! I am overjoyed and I hope you are able to move ever further towards making the time you spend in this state longer and longer! Yippee!!

It’s been cold here today this shows how cold and that wasnt the coldest part of the morning. It got colder!

I got up when my alarm went off and got everything done and because it was so cold I decided to go back to bed for a bit. I usually get to work around 6:05 today I got there at 6:45! I don’t rush. I kept checking how long I had left to get there but I didn’t stress as I knew I was going to make it. Calm me!

The first time I went under the digger I stuffed up and just laughed to myself and had another go. Normally I wouldn’t do that. I tried so hard to keep work good. I even got to do a job that I love for a little while.

It has taken a lot of self talk to talk myself through the day. From about 4pm onwards I couldn’t talk myself around anymore.

Im now tired and thinking I have to get up again early in the morning. I really missed my dogs today.

I think it’s going to be a long and hard 5 days

Hello @Captain24 sweet, I'm glad you were calm this morning getting to work and you did so well to try and make work good. I think it's expected that the first day back has taken alot out of you, I'm hoping it gets easier once you're back into routine.

I bet your furbabies missed you today, but you're home now and get to snuggle in bed with them. I hope you can get a good night's sleep sweetheart, sending you hugs ❤️.

Hopefully it gets easier @MissGremlin. tomorrow morning is suppose to be only mi is 1 so hopefully it’s better than this morning. Did you see the photo?

Im just about to feed the dogs, have a shower and go to bed.

I’ve seen that there is lots of messages but I haven’t read through them. I feel like they are semi private if that makes sense.

Im guessing it wasn’t a good day though. I’m hoping you are ready for tomorrow and will be relieved when they have been and gone.

I’ll have more time to talk tomorrow night. I’ll still be really tired though

@Captain24 I just saw it, that's definitely chilly. Hoping it's a bit easier to get moving tomorrow if it's not so cold.

Feeding the dogs, having a shower and then hopping into bed sounds perfect.

You're always welcome to read through them but I'm just mindful that sometimes things might be triggering.

Today hasn't been a good day at all, I'm just trying to get through the inspection tomorrow and then take things from there. I'm safe for now, sitting in bed and I'm going to try to do some diamond art.

Hopefully we can chat tomorrow night but if you're tired and need rest then that's ok too sweet.

I’m just about to climb into bed @MissGremlin I haven’t had the thought that I wish I was dead for a few days. One day back at work and it’s back. I am safe it’s just a thought.

Im hoping you are doing your diamond art. I’m hoping things are a little easier when it’s all over with. Then we will worry about it in 6months time when it’s time to do it all again.

@Captain24 I'm sorry that thought is with you tonight sweet, but it's allowed to be there without having to act on it.

I've been sitting here staring at my diamond art but I've not been able to move to do any yet. My inspections are every 3 months.

I’m sorry it’s so hard. @MissGremlin

3 months!!! That’s harsh! We will do it then. You did it this time and we will do it next time