I can’t cope

It sounds like you've made a really good start with the things your psych suggested. I love that you're giving them a go one step at a time, and I'm glad Pix seems to be doing okay too

Aww, those diamond arts sound so special, especially the ones you're making for your mum. What a thoughtful Christmas gift

I'm so happy to hear you've had two really good days and that you've noticed such a big shift in your thoughts. That's a huge achievement, and I hope you're feeling proud of yourself @Captain24

Recovery isn't always a straight line, but it really sounds like all the work you've been putting in is starting to pay off. I hope today is another gentle day for you, even after the sleep study. Keep being kind to yourself 💛

@Captain24 I had to get up to feed Casper so I made a cuppa and grabbed some pain relief to take aswell. Maybe I'll rest after but I have so much to do today so I shouldn't let myself rest until I deserve it.

I give most things a go that she suggests no matter how silly. Like bath toys for the bath. They are actually fun! 😂 @Nala2022 I won’t find my way through if I don’t actually work with her!

Im hoping today is the same. I have planned to weed my garden and mow and whipper snipper the front yard. That’ll take about an hour and a half. I’ll do the back tomorrow if I don’t feel like it after doing the front. No pressure!

I am proud. I have had to work to feel good but it’s paying off. I know it won’t stay like this as I will go backwards again but at least I know what it can feel like and where I want to be. Until the last couple of days I didn’t k is where or what it was. Working with my psych and working on myself I know I can get there it’s just a matter of time. I want to feel like this permanently will as permanent as I can and be able to handle the ups and downs and get myself through them easier. I’m realistic in not wanting to be happy all the time as that’s not possible just want to be able to limit the crashing so hard. If I can get to that I will be able to work myself out of the crashes easier.

I do need to be gentle which is why I have set myself small tasks over the next 3 days and still allow myself plenary of time to do my diamond art with MissGremlin.

Do you have any plans for today or the weekend?

@Nala2022 I'm really thankful for the connection that we have here and it's such a bonus that we both love diamond art.

He's a very special boy and I'm lucky to have him.

My jaw has been like it for as long as I can remember, it used to just click everytime I ate but people would always comment on it as it's quite loud so I stopped eating around others and then stopped eating out. But over the years it's gotten worse and will even click when I swallow and talk. It gets locked so often now and at random times throughout the day and night. I wish there was a fix for it but unfortunately the surgery carries very high risk of permanent nerve damage that could then cause facial numbness, droopiness and paralysis. My doctor strongly advised against it 😞. My mouth doesn't even move right when I talk which is why I don't like talking in front of anyone. I don't know if you've ever watched Drew Barrymore (an actress i love) but if you see the way her mouth moves when she talks that's what mine does.

I ended up making a cuppa as Casper wanted breakfast. Really wanting my heart to settle, for about 4 days now it's been constantly skipping a beat which is a horrible feeling in your chest when it happens. Not overly concerned about it as it's happened before just usually settles down quicker than this time.

Thankyou for being so caring and supportive ❤️.

There is no deserving rest. You need to rest it’s not a reward it’s a necessity. @MissGremlin

What don’t have to do today? It doesn’t all have to be done in one day. Can you work out things together? Like tidy and clean the spare rooms? Then tomorrow the living areas and laundry? Monday the kitchen and your room? Tuesday the bathroom after you’ve had a shower and then that’s everything ready?

I can be your accountability buddy and you can keep telling me what you have done so you can see it.

@Captain24 I'm on my own with all the cleaning. Hoping to at least get 2/3 of the bedrooms done today cos the other can't be accessed anyway. There's another huge task that i have to do today that takes everything out of me. I know if I don't get things done today then I'll end up leaving it to the last minute which will only stress me out more.

Sometimes the things that seem a little "outside the box" end up being the most helpful. I’m really glad you’re open to trying the ideas your psych suggests

It sounds like you’ve got a nice plan for today @Captain24. I like that you’ve broken it down and taken the pressure off yourself

I’m really glad you’re acknowledging your efforts and recognising what recovery can feel like for you. There will likely be ups and downs, but you’ve shown yourself that you can get back to this place, and that’s something really important to hold onto 💛

My weekend has been pretty busy so far (Thursday and Friday are my weekend). I had a couple of appointments, did the grocery shopping, and caught up with a friend for dinner last night. I’m seeing another friend later today and visiting family tomorrow, so it should be a nice weekend 😊

Are you going to do ‘that’ room? Just leave it. They won’t care. Is that the third room? @MissGremlin. if it is don’t stress over it. You are allowed that room. W will work through this together. You went on a cleaning frenzy a little while ago. Just focus on tidying and vacuuming. Don’t stress too much. Let me know when you have done one room! I’ll keep you updated on what I have done too. We will work through today together and will find time to fit in diamond art with each other so we have some down time!

@Captain24 it's the 3rd room and nope not touching it at all, it's not worth my safety trying to push myself to go in there. Thankyou for your support sweet, you truly don't know how much it means to me.

My room just needs some clothes folded up and then a vacuum, the other room needs a little bit more but not alot. I'm also going to put all my colouring books that are on my floor into a container so they are out the way being that I'm not using them at the moment.

Trying to keep it simple so I don’t overwhelm myself. Of If I feel like doing the back yard I will as then tomorrow is only bathing the dogs and changing the bedlinen! @Nala2022

I am learning to take notice and see what has happened in the lead up. Good sleep and eating well has helped plus the grounding in the sun. That’s all contributed. I’m also learn to acknowledge it and accept it. I have bipolar and AuDHD so there will always be a lot of ups and downs.. But I’m prepared for that and the continual work I do with my psych will help. Plus having a block of work has helped. It worked out to be 13 days. Plus I’ve added these things to my SP. I use it all the time. Good days, bad days and slipping days.

That sounds really nice. The social interaction that’s enjoyable. I’ve organised lunch with a friend on Monday! I really hope you enjoy it. Do you get tired from social interactions?