I can’t cope

So I think the buzz that I’ve been on for the last 2 days is coming to an end. I feel flat and totally unmotivated. I’m hoping it’s the stress with the GP visit today for clearance.

Why cant I just be stable and stay stable

I try really hard and have a go at different options, suggestions and advice. I’m trying not to leave any stone unturned! 😡

@Captain24, oh buddy, I can hear how much you want to be stable! I know you'll get there in time.

How was the buzz the last few days? Is there a way to frame it in a neutral way? I find sometimes that can help ease my frustrations a little bit

And I don't have bipolar, but I know with my ADHD I have sometimes days or weeks of "hyperfocus", and I feel like there are some similarities I have with your feelings about it. Recently, I got a vintage knitting machine. I spent the best part of 8 days doing almost nothing BUT using it and figuring it out. I would wake up go to the machine straight away. I was so focussed I forgot to eat, drink and go to the loo (until I was busting). All I could think about all the time was this activity and I felt like I had an internal motor that wouldn't shut off. My partner would need to interrupt me to remind me to eat and drink. I even struggled to sleep because all I could think about was this machine. Work was even sometimes difficult because all I wanted to do was use it! By the end of the 8 days, I was so exhausted and felt so disconnected from my partner and the outside world that I really HATED my ADHD (and myself).

At the moment, I'm trying to reframe these kind of experiences as neutral and set myself up for when they hit (eg. water and snacks close by, ways of reconnecting after they end) and also just looking at what comes out of this time for me. Sometimes I make a cool piece of clothing!

And maybe this isn't useful, but it's something I'm trying out ❤️

OMG @Former-Member for the last 2 days I have barely eaten and I forgot pixies lunch yesterday and she got dinner a 9pm! I was just way to focused. It sounds so similar

The buzz was great. There is only 1 1/2 small cupboards left to sort throughin my entire 4 bedroom house! After 4 loads to the tip everything is starting to look smick

What do you mean by framing it in a neutral way? @tyme Said a similar thing last night and I don’t really get it. Sorry

Im taking on board what you’re saying about planning for it as my day starts. I usually know when I wake up if the buzz is going to happen. I am starting learn to how to keep it a little under control so I don’t go to far over.

My mum had a knitting machine when we were kids! I made a few scarves on it. That’s showing my age… 😂

hehehe @Captain24 thats so nice you got to make scarves! So lovely!

ohh I didn't see Tyme say that, sorry if I'm repeating hehhe. I think what I mean is that I can often hate that I have these periods of hyperfocus and often feel like a bad person or feel guilty when I come out of them. Or sometimes just frustrated at them.

So instead of viewing them as a "bad" thing which leads to me thinking I'm a "bad person" for not being able to control them, I'm trying to not judge the hyperfocus or myself. Instead, I look at just as a difference and accept it, or even start to see the positives which can come out of it.

And it might look different to you because I know your goal is to become more stable and there are things that you struggle with when you're in a buzz. And I don't mean to dismiss those things. But looking at the last few days, it seems like your buzz meant you could clean out most of your house. Which is a positive.

This article said about neurodivergence (of which many people view bipolar as this): "The idea of neurodiversity also seeks to frame these differences as ones that are not inherently "bad" or a problem; instead, it treats them in a more neutral manner and also highlights the many different ways that neurodivergence can be beneficial."

What do you think?

Repetition is what I need @Former-Member I’m pretty useless!

So don’t hate who I am/was in the mood, either high or low. Just accept it as part of my MI and move on

and learn from it. Is that basically it in a nutshell?

I really need to look back at the warning signs as I come out of them. Try an find what I can do in the mood to help me through.

Im at the dr’s so I’ll read that article this afternoon in between this and my nurse appointment.

You have taken my mind off my appointment by making me think! Thank you!

I'm glad I took your mind off the appointment @Captain24!

Yeah, I reckon that's it in a nutshell. Or at least, what's helped me!

And like you said, we can still look at our warning signs to see what we can do to a minimise/prepare for these kind of times.

Good luck at the appointment ❤️

Yay for getting it done!! How are you going today? I hope the pins and needles have gone away, and how is your back today after all your housework yesterday? @Captain24

I’ve written in my journal so I might see what signs I can find and put them separately so I can look back at them. @Former-Member. The fit for work letter my GP wrote was fantastic. Hopefully they take it on board and I can go back. She said it was crucial to my recovery! I feel a little better now. I did tell her that I needed to go back as I was running out of things to do!

The pins and needles have gone now @amber22. After I rested I kept going. My backs not to bad today just where the discs are slipped is really sore though. Poor Pixie missed lunch and didn’t get dinner until 9. Oops.

Now I only have 1 1/2 small cupboards to go but they will take a while. I just remembered that I’ve still got the appliances in the pantry to sort through.

So how are you both?

YAY for the fit for work letter ❤️

I'm so glad @Captain24 Please keep up updated if you feel comfy!

I'm good, about to wrap up after a LOVELY morning on here. Thanks for chatting with me ❤️

I'm glad that your pins and needles have gone away and that your back is doing okay today, please remember to rest it! Aw Pixie, I'm sure she understands hehe. That sounds very productive of you! You're nearly done!! @Captain24