I can’t cope

It’s ok that you aren’t around @MissGremlin You need to do what is best for you. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you.

Im here if or when you need.

@Captain24 I managed to nap for 2 hours, was still very restless and kept waking up.

I'm sitting in my car waiting at the shops at the moment. I had to go and get Casper as he was getting things he shouldn't. Something he's only started doing recently but it's making it hard for me to get out. I leave him with so many treats but as soon as he finishes them he gets naughty.

2 hours is better than nothing though. @MissGremlin

Hahaha… welcome to the teenage years! That’s normal as much as it’s a pain.

Do you have a camera on him?

I hope you are done at the shops by now.

@Captain24 I do have a camera watching him but not in every area that he can access.

I'm so exhausted yet I've done nothing. It's not just a physical exhaustion though, it's mental mostly.

I’d love to have a camera on these 2! It would be so interesting to see what they get up to. But I need security cameras out side. @MissGremlin

I get the exhaustion. I’m so sorry it’s mental too. It makes it so hard to think and function. The whole just nothing to give yourself or anyone else. I’m guessing it’s even hard to get caspers dinner.

How are your thoughts? Or too tired for them?

Im still actually feeling ok. I’ve spent plenty of time in the sun. Worked out birthday presents for my dad and brother and Christmas present for my dad. I don’t have a Christmas present idea for my brother though. I’ll have to work on that.

I’ve taken my glasses off as they are hurting my eyes. So I’ll rest my eyes for a bit. I’m on my second section of diamond art and just flying through it. It feels good.

I think I need to retire! 😂 I could definitely cope!

@Captain24 I have cameras both in and out. Casper used to just have his treat and then lay down, after the school holidays we just had now he's being naughty.

It's hard to do anything that, i feel so empty and numb. The thoughts are intense, actually gone more into that planning stage which i recognised earlier (I'm safe for now).

I'm glad you're still feeling ok, you've done really well today. I'm just sorry that i couldn't sit and do diamond art with you. I'm lucky that I don't have anyone really to buy presents for cos i struggle to know what to get.

Was going to ask how the glasses were going, glad you're giving yourself a break from them when you need to. You'll have that diamond art finished in no time.

I technically retired when I was 20, that's the last proper job I had. Whilst it's nice to not have to work, it can also get pretty boring and lonely not having any interaction.

I just made dinner and I'm counting down the time until I can go to bed.

Maybe it’s because they are back. @MissGremlin. does he get along with them? Are they good with him?

It’s ok that we couldn’t sit together. You were kind of with me anyway as I was thinking of you! My dad and brother are really hard. I refuse to give my brother money as they leach will just spend it and he won’t get it.

I am proud of myself today. I haven’t done anything different it just has fallen into place today. My thoughts are different. I’m actually thinking is tomorrow going to be as good!

After working for 34 years, I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself! I do need a bit more than just this block off but it has been good. I thought tomorrow was Saturday but apparently it’s Friday. So I actually have one more day than I thought!

Sorry with how bad your thoughts are. You’ve got me beside you. It must be close to starting your routine?

@Captain24 I can't talk about it on here.

It's nice to know that i was thought of even though I have struggled so much today. That's fair not giving him money, buying presents for anyone can be hard.

I'm really hoping that tomorrow is another good day for you sweet. So you have any plans for the day?

I'm glad you still have one more day. Can imagine it's been nice to have the time off but it seems to have gone very fast.

Thankyou sweet, i appreciate you being here. It's close to starting routine, I've already done my hair and teeth so other than putting my pjs on I'm pretty much done.

All good @MissGremlin

My plans for tomorrow are going to the appointment for my sleep study and getting the optometrist to tighten my glasses. I think that’s a part of why I’m struggling. Then not much at all. I will try and take the dogs for a walk though! 😂 Oh and definitely more sun time!

It has gone really quickly! I need another block but I don’t have the leave hours for it. But at least I’ve had some reset.

Im glad you are nearly there. I’m just boiling water for my pasta for dinner. When I’ve eaten I’ll come back and do diamond art with you for a little while if you would like?

@Jynx @AuntGlow are either if you around?

I want to tell you that today’s has been a good day. Not just ok or okish. Actually a good day! My thoughts at the moment are ‘is tomorrow going to be just as good’ Not the thoughts of wanting to die or anything.

I’m always negative and struggling so I just wanted to share!