I can’t cope

I can hear how overwhelming things are for you tonight, @MissGremlin, and learning this news must have been a lot to hold. 💛

I wonder if you are able to go to a bulk-billing urgent care clinic tomorrow? Is that possible? Calling Nurse on Call could also be quite helpful.

It's so important that you call a crisis service tonight MissGremlin. We want to make sure you are as safe and supported as possible, okay?

Please keep Casper close and give him a big hug for me. Maybe try and breathe along with him and see if that helps you to feel more grounded. 🥰

@AuntGlow it's all been alot to hold and I'm not strong enough to carry it all on my own.

I can't see any other doctor, I only trust my doctor. If I don't get a notification from my doctors surgery tomorrow then I'll ring up and see if I can get an urgent appointment with him.

I'll reach out to a crisis service if I need to but I've really lost faith in them at the moment as when I've really needed support they've let me down.

I'm safe for now. Casper is by my side and I try to match my breathing to his but it's not easy with the way things are at the moment. I often put my hand on him and just feel his breathing which can help a little sometimes.

I’m so sorry it was so hard yesterday for you and all I did was burden you with everything I was going through. @MissGremlin

Im sorry that it continues to be so hard for you. I don’t know what else to say. Sorry.

@Captain24 you most certainly didn't burden me sweetheart, we were here for each other even when things got hard.

How are you feeling this morning sweet?

I slept last night but my watch said I didn’t get any sound sleep and that I may not feel energised for the day ahead. I shouldn’t have read it! @MissGremlin.

Im tired still though. I’m talking myself into having a shower. I want to clean the kitchen properly and do all the floors. Oh and seal Jetts diamond art so I can get it off the bench. But of if I feel like it I’ll do the pantry and dust but if I don’t I won’t. I was ridiculously stupid yesterday and can’t do it again. It leads to disaster and I can’t suffer again today like I did yesterday.

How are you feeling?

@Captain24 I'm glad you slept but it sucks that it wasn't quality sleep.

Having a shower sounds good, then doing the kitchen and floors. Just please try to take it slowly today and go easy on yourself. I get the pushing and punishing believe me I do, but you don't deserve it sweet.

I'm still feeling really overwhelmed and like everything is too much. I barely slept as usual and my heart is really starting to annoy me, it keeps skipping a beat (I've had it before). I'm safe, I'm dressed and about to have a cuppa while I do the morning routine.

I’ve been chatting on messenger. @MissGremlin. Im thinking about doing a tap dancing class on Tuesday nights. Not sure about it yet though.

I did get undressed to get in the ahower, went to turn the tap on and remembered that I had no hot water. Then I had to get dressed again and go and switch the gas bottles over! Now I have to talk myself into getting undressed again! 😂

Im going to try and be gentle. I need to, my heart is racing and I’m already stressed about what I could do to myself again today.

Im glad you are up and dressed. That is hard! I’m sorry about your heart that sounds difficult. Oh and the morning routine… I bet is good when you are on your own. But one thing is that it makes you get up and start functioning even after no sleep.

@Captain24 I'll reply once I'm back as right now I'm way too overwhelmed trying to deal with what's going on here. I just want things to go smoothly, to not be fought every step of the way (I'm safe).

Take things slowly sweet, focus on just having a shower and see how you feel after that. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

@Captain24 coming back to your post now. Tap dancing class sounds like fun ☺️.

Haha oh not having to change the gas over. Why is it always after the fact that you remember about these things, honestly it drives me crazy when it happens to me. Hoping you've managed to have a nice hot shower sweet.

I'm glad to have a bit of peace and quiet now, at least until I have to go out again this afternoon. I've come back done my dishes and cleaned the kitchen including the stove, put a load of washing in and sorted out the dry stuff and I'm about to cook tacos to eat just cos I can.

I’m not sure. I’ll give one class a go and see if the passion comes back @MissGremlin. there is another adult but I don’t know how good she is or experienced she is. When I was doing all my dancing up until 8 years ago, rap was my thing.

I did have a good shower, I fed the dogs and took them for a walk and now I’m sitting on the grass in the sun!

Well done! You have done well this morning and it’s only early. I wrote a full on list but I’ve changed my mind. The kitchen, all the floors and sealing Jetts pic has to be done though. I think I might have some breakfast soon. I did just do a grocery shop online. It’s $15 delivery but there is a boost that you get $15 off your shop so delivery cost me nothing! The only thing I couldn’t get was the bake at home rolls I wanted.

How are you going in the peace and quiet?