I can’t cope

I hope you have settled down and are getting some sleep @MissGremlin

I’ve just woken up but hoping to go back to sleep pretty quickly. I guess this 7 am walk may not happen! I feel the need to get up but I’m to tired. I did just go outside for a bit it’s pretty cold out there. I just checked the weather and it’s 0.8 degrees feels like -2.2 and it’s only going to get colder!

Are you alone? Can you make yourself a hot chocolate?

@Captain24 I've dozed off a couple of times, but only for a few minutes at a time. I'm really not ok, this is taking so much out of me. I'm safe laying in bed, snuggling with Casper.

I'm hoping you can go back to sleep sweet then see how you are feeling when you wake up properly.

I'm feeling far too nauseous to even think about trying to eat or drink anything at the moment.

I can’t imagine what it’s like @MissGremlin or how hard it is to function. At least I have had some sleep.

Have you taken your anti nausea meds? Will they help a little?

I have one baby on the floor on the pillows and another one in the nook of my curled up legs.

I was thinking about cleaning out my pantry. It would save me doing it later today. Maybe they can go for a walk after breakfast and I’ll take some water for them. Pix might walk better now the sedation is out of her system. @MissGremlin

Im hoping you are asleep.

When are you doing your shopping today? So I can plan a nap around diamond art! 😂

Im feeling pretty off with being awake. I really need the rest but I feel bad as I do normally sleep and you don’t.

Im having some pretty dark thoughts but with no positive in there, just all negative.

I’ve been out again and looked at the stars. It’s colder out there now! The frost is starting to fall.

Im going to try again to go back to sleep and if I don’t I’ll just get up and do stuff. It’ll save some of my list tomorrow.

I got up and rand mum. Her dog has 2 jackets on and the have parkas on. I haven’t made my dogs their jackets yet so they don’t have anything to put on. It’s a feels like of -5.5 so they will have to wait until after breakfast to walk. I really need to make them their jackets. I should do that this week. I just have to draw the pattern so that they fit them. I’ve got the material and a pattern but it’s too small for Pix and too short for Jett’s long body and too long underneath for his little weeny.

I think I’ll go and have a shower, get dressed and clean the pantry since I got up anyway.

The thoughts are really loud right now. So are the urges. They are hard to control. Maybe if I’m busy it’ll distract them. I guess I can only try. But right now with the cold weather and my thoughts and urges I actually don’t feel like existing anymore. I wish it was over.

Morning @Captain24 sweet, hoping you were able to go back to sleep again. I've only dozed on and off all night.

I'm sorry those dark thoughts have been there, it's really hard when it's all negative.

I'm not even sure what time I'm going to the shops, today is going to be hectic.

How are you feeling now sweet?

@Captain24 I'm glad you were able to ring mum. I sounds like it's very cold over where you are, doing the dogs their jackets during the week sounds like a good idea and will keep you busy aswell.

Having a shower sounds perfect, make sure it's nice and toasty and warm for yourself.

I'm sorry those thoughts and urges are really loud right now, but you're not sitting with them alone sweet, I'm here ❤️. I'm hoping the distraction helps a bit. Remember that everyday those thoughts have been there and been so loud that we've still somehow found a way through and we will do that again today, even if it's just one little step at a time. Sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I’m struggling. @MissGremlin. I’ve just put a few blankets in the was for the dogs to use. I wanted to was the other 2 as well but they are laying on them because it’s so cold. The last couple of mornings are the coldest it has been.

Im trying to talk myself into a shower so when I feed the dogs I can take them for a walk straight up. I want to clean my pantry today which isn’t really hard and I want to sort out the plastics cupboard and dust the house. That takes some of the things off tomorrow’s list.

I’ve just thrown my washing on the lounge in the ironing room and moved the other washing into there so it’ll dry. Then I have to iron it all. I’m only writing all this to be held accountable.

I really don’t wish to exist though. But I have to.

What have you got in today to be hectic?

@Captain24 maybe those other blankets can wait until the ones you've just put in the wash are dry? It's hard when the mornings are so cold.

You've got this sweet, i know you do. Look at everything you were able to do yesterday even when you didn't think you could.

I get that not wanting to exist feeling, sitting with that one myself today. But we will get through together ❤️.

Shops, then life returns to normal after lunch, my usual responsibilities.

I’ll wash those 2 in the morning. @MissGremlin

I’ll put the ones that I've washed on their beds when I bath them tomorrow.

I did manage it I guess so maybe I can do it today.

I’ve had a shower so that’s done and then I’m about to feed the dogs and then I’ll take them for their walk. Then I’ll try and do things.

I guess we can try and exist together.

Im sorry that life goes back to normal.

If you get time for diamond art let me know.