I can’t cope

Awwww I love this SO MUCH!! This is such a beautiful act of self-love; to show up for yourself and your day, even when your more vulnerable thoughts are loud. I am very proud of you too. 🥰

How does it feel to notice the cloud, but then redirect your energy and attention to aligned action? @Captain24

@Captain24 I've just woken up but I'm in such a panic. I've been dozing off and on but everytime I'd doze off it was like I was having a nightmare that I couldn't breathe and then I was waking up struggling to breathe. I'm safe and trying really hard to calm myself down. When I woke up before Casper was right in my face with his paws on my chest.

I thought you would which is why I wanted to share it with you @AuntGlow I was really hoping you were on tonight!

It’s hard as it’s very close but I just keep on trying. It’s a weird feeling that I feel a little positivity for what I have done for myself today but it’s all still hanging over me. It’s a dark storm cloud but currently there is no rain. It has felt good to be working at keeping it at bay. Being distracted this afternoon and connecting so much more than usual has also helped.

I feel proud, I feel accomplished, I feel kinda good. But totally negative at the same time. I don’t think that makes any sense. But I also didn’t go back to bed at all today!

That’s so hard to be in a panic with the nightmares continuing. @MissGremlin

Its a weird feeling waking up to a dogs face in yours! At least he was looking out for you.

What can we do to calm you down.

@Captain24 I think it's cos I was laying on my back, I can't lay on my back otherwise i stop breathing. I'm not even sure how i ended up on my back but I can now remember when I first woke up that's how I was. The feelings aren't really settling at the moment and I still feel short of breath, like I can't get enough air in (I'm safe).

I'm going to feed Casper then take him to the toilet, hoping the cold air might help a bit. Thinking I might do some diamond art after that. How's yours going sweet?

What about something different with your breathing? I don’t know if this works or not but it just popped into my head. When I can’t breathe because I have a chest infection I boil the jug and put the hot water in a container and breathe in slowly the warm steam? @MissGremlin I don’t know if it works as I’ve never thought of it. It may relax your airways though and the slow deep breaths might calm you down.

Im still sitting here doing mine, thinking I should get up and do something about dinner. I’m getting a little hungry since I haven’t eaten all day. Plus I’m starting to get tired.

@Captain24 i struggle to breathe in warm air. I was hoping it was going to be cold air outside but it's not as cool out there as I expected.

I reckon making some dinner sounds like a good idea and I'm not surprised that you're starting to get tired, you've done so much today.

I just put the kettle on to make a hot chocolate. I'm just feeling so on edge at the moment and it's hard to settle things (I'm safe).

Ah! So good. @Captain24

I think the fact you're able to acknowledge, feel, and sit with both lightness and heaviness shows just how much you're integrating both experiences. This is already such a huge shift from last year, and I truly believe that with more time and gentle consistent practice, you will notice that even more space opens up. You absolutely deserve to feel positivity around what you have done for yourself today and I am so glad that you do. Knowing that distraction and connection helps is amazing!

Feeling two opposing things at once is very human. 🥰

I have decided to set myself a 21-day goal of redirecting myself away from shame-based rumination. I wonder if you could have a 21-day goal to keep allowing the nuance of two feelings at once? ✨

Hello @MissGremlin,

How has your week been and what are you up to this evening? 🫶

Hello @AuntGlow my week was pretty full on, most days I needed to completely shut down as I had nothing in me to give.

Today's been really hard as I've had lots of thoughts/urges. I've done my best to keep busy to keep things at bay and tried to have a nap but if you go back up a couple of posts here you'll see how that went. I'm safe and trying really hard to settle but it's proving to be hard. I'm just about to finish making a hot chocolate then maybe doing some diamond art again.