I can’t cope

It is when you start doing them and realise how good they are! You’ll want more! 😂 @MissGremlin You’ll see why I say good ones and cheap ones!

Ive got nothing else that I need to do today. I do think I might actually cook some dinner tonight though!

It’s a really weird feeling to feel a little bit positive about stuff but so negative at the same time. I can’t explain it.

@Captain24 haha I'm sure I will probably want more 😂. There's definitely a difference with quality even with some of the ones I've done. I've gotten one in 50×50cm and the other 40×50cm.

Oohhh cooking some dinner tonight sounds good, any idea what you'll make?

You don't need to explain it cos i completely get it!

I wish they would hurry up as I can’t wait for you to start and see how good it is @MissGremlin. You will definitely want more especially with the colours of the ones you do! They’d be really really hard though.

Im going to have carbonara I just don’t have any bacon but that doesn’t matter. I usually end up putting it to the side anyway.

I could also make pasta bake but the mince is in the freezer. I can make it after I’ve eaten this lot.

Any idea of what you are having?

@Captain24 I'll have to save up so I can order some more i think. I want to get a stitch one but haven't found any that I like so might have to make it a custom one i think.

Carbonara is yummy 😋. I do the same and push things to the side sometimes, I can only tolerate small amounts of certain things.

I'm not sure if I'll end up having dinner tonight cos I had the bacon and egg muffins and I'm full from them.

I'm going to finish this section which I'm almost done and then see if I can have a nap. I'm feeling so drained and can feel the thoughts/urges getting really strong again (I'm safe).

Is there any Stitch ones in the site? They don’t usually do a lot of characters though I think. I don’t really look. I like my tiger ones, Elvis and bird ones! My customs are my favourite though. If you got a bright coloured stitch photo it would come up really vibrant and good. @MissGremlin

Muffins sound good! I haven’t had anything.

I hope you get a good nap. I’ll just sit here and keep doing this. I’ll have to close the blinds and doors soon as it’s starting to cool down but I have liked having the natural light and fresh air.

Sleep well.

@Captain24 no there wasn't sadly. The first thing I did was looked at character ones 😂.

I wasn't really hungry but was hoping that by eating it would help my blood pressure a bit, it worked a little.

It's cooling down here aswell. I'm sorry i can't keep going with diamond art at the moment. I'm just completely exhausted and if I don't try to sleep then I feel unsafe cos it gets hard to fight the thoughts/urges (I'm safe). I'm glad you've been able to have the natural light and fresh air in.

It’s all good @MissGremlin

I’ll be sitting here doing it when you are ready. You have helped me so much by chatting and doing this together.

Please look after yourself!

@AuntGlow are you around to chat? If not and you don’t have time that’s ok.

Hey queen! Yes, I am floating around today. How are you? @Captain24 🥰

I just want to tell you about my day. @AuntGlow

I woke up this morning wishing that I didn’t. I only woke when the alarm went off to feed the dogs. I dragged myself out of bed and fed them. All I wanted to do was go back to bed not exist. I have so many dark thoughts and urges.

BUT instead of going back to bed and feeling sorry for myself I had a shower and got dressed. Then…. Ready? I took the dogs for a walk! It wasn’t far but Pix chose where we went and walked home. I got out and walked the dogs.

I came home and opened the front door and pulled up the blinds. I let fresh air and natural light come in. I also rang mum and we talked for an hour. I sat out in the sun while I talked to her. Literally sitting on the grass not a chair, connection to the earth.

Still feeling all the dark thoughts and the urges, I wrote myself a little list of step by step tasks to clean my kitchen. It was disgusting and hadn’t been done in over a week. Some how I managed to get up and do it. My kitchen is now clean and I did 2 loads of washing!

Since then I have been doing diamond art with @MissGremlin and have also made a new friend on here.

I have managed to push the dark thoughts to the side. Well kinda. It’s like a dark cloud hanging over me but it’s not swallowing me. The urges are still there but by sitting here doing diamond art I’m distracted from them.

While the world is a mess for me right now I am really proud of myself today!!!!

Sorry I just wanted to share with you!

Anyhow… how are you today?