I can’t cope

I'm so sorry to hear that @MissGremlin. It makes sense that you're feeling so drained after such a difficult night

I hear how exhausted you are, and how hard it is when it feels like you're carrying this day after day. Even though things feel incredibly heavy right now, I'm really glad you've reached out here and let us know how you're going. I'm also glad to hear you're safe and that you've got Casper snuggled up with you. How's the little cutie doing today?

I'm having a cuppa too. When you feel up to it, I hope you're able to make one for yourself and take things one small step at a time

We're here with you lovely 💛

I'm doing well, thank you for asking. Just a bit tired today, it took me a while to get to sleep last night, but otherwise I'm okay 😊

Thankyou @Nala2022 sweet ❤️.

Casper is doing well, almost finished with the antibiotics for his ears, just the left one until Monday now. I need to do his breakfast soon but for now he's sleeping laying across me. The other day he was watching the birds outside and enjoying the sun coming in from the door.

I want to make a cuppa but when I got up just before I started getting really giddy so just went back to bed, recently went up on the medication again so it's messing with my blood pressure.

Thankyou for being here ❤️.

I'm glad you're doing well. It's hard when you can't fall asleep quickly, hoping today has some restful moments for you sweet ❤️.

I'm glad he's doing better @MissGremlin. Looks like he didn't want to get up either!

Aww, that's such a lovely photo. He's a very handsome little fella😊

I'm sorry you're still getting so giddy. That must be really frustrating, especially when all you wanted was to make yourself a cuppa. It sounds like listening to your body and heading back to bed was the right thing to do

Anytime lovely. I'm really glad I can be here to support you, and I know everyone else here is here to support you too

It is! I'm glad we have coffee to perk ourselves up a bit too 😂

Thank you, and I hope there are some gentle, restful moments in your day as well 💛

@Nala2022 he got up with me before but after he came straight back to bed and he's snoring away now.

Thankyou, he's such a special boy ☺️.

I'm over the giddy feeling, it makes it hard to do anything and then it affects my emetophobia when I start feeling nauseous. There's still 4 more increases of the medication to reach 5mg, that's the maximum amount the doctor wants me to try, if it hasn't worked by then, then it isn't going to. I've tried so hard to really give this one a shot knowing it's my last chance so it's disappointing that it's not helping.

The community here is honestly amazing and so supportive, it's also nice to have that mixture of sharing the good and lighter moments even when things feel hard and very dark.

Haha if only coffee actually perked me up 😂.

Thankyou sweet ❤️. I think I just need to remind myself to take things very slowly and gently today.

Oh that reminds me, I treated myself to a yummy dessert last night. I had some yummy apple crumble with custard 😋.

He must be feeling very comfortable @MissGremlin 😂

I'm glad the giddiness has settled a little, but I can definitely understand why it's been so difficult, especially with your emetophobia. It must be really disappointing when you've been giving this medication such a good chance and it's still not giving you the relief you were hoping for 🥺

I agree, we really do have a lovely community here. I think it's important to share both the hard moments and the lighter ones too. Sometimes those little moments of joy can help us get through the tougher days 🫶

Ooh, apple crumble with custard is one of my favourites! 😋 It's so nice to treat ourselves every now and then. I didn't have dessert last night, but I ordered dumplings and a noodle stir-fry for dinner instead 😂

@Nala2022 he still hasn't moved and neither have I 😂.

It's hard cos I know that if this medication doesn't work then I'm stuck with the nightmares and panic attacks and that scares me cos they're so hard to cope with.

Having those lighter moments and trying to remember to reflect on them when we're going through the tougher moments can really help pull us through the darkest days.

I haven't had dessert for a very, very long time 😂. But it was a lovely treat and it was a 4 pack so I've got more that I can have when I want to ☺️. Dumplings and a noddle stir-fry sounds delicious 😋.

Haha that's cute! 😂 I hope you're both keeping nice and warm @MissGremlin

I really hope you get some clarity with your doctor and that the medication starts helping. I know how exhausting and frightening panic attacks and nightmares can be, especially when they're happening so often

I agree. Those lighter moments can be so important, they don't take away the hard days, but sometimes they can help us find just enough strength to keep going

Ooh, even better! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Apple crumble is definitely one of the best desserts during winter 😋 the dumplings were so good. I could happily eat dumplings every day!

I’ve just gotten up and fed the dogs. I’m now back laying in bed with a massive headache. I need to have a shower and take the dogs for a walk. But all I want to do is curl up and stay here and forget the world exists.

I just want to feel like a human again. I did well for a couple of days and now I’m failing at it. Maybe if I clean that disgrace of a kitchen it’ll help my mood. I just have urges that I don’t want to have. The thoughts are dark but it’s the urges that I’m struggling with. I am safe just don’t feel like I want to be.

Pix scared me last night and I thought she was getting sick again but today she is full of beans so I’m guessing it was just the sedation. They must have used a different one. I thought my bill was cheap with her being sedated.

@Nala2022 I finally managed to get up to feed Casper and I made a coffee ☺️.

They are just relentless and I get scared to sleep cos I know what's coming, it's a vicious cycle. I'm not even sure if my doctor made another appointment for me for this week, I need to ring to find out but not sure that's a today job.

They definitely don't take away the hard days, I often get so stuck in the darkness that any moments I've had of joy seem impossible to find. That's why it's nice to be able to be reminded of them on here when I see posts that I've shared.

I've never had dumplings, so not sure what they're like. I plan on making bacon and egg muffins today 😋.

@Captain24 oh sweet, I'm so sorry you've got a massive headache. Maybe having a shower could help and even taking some pain relief?

You're most definitely not failing, it's just another rough patch. I know it's so hard when there's only a couple of days where things are ok and then it feels like everything goes backwards. But just like last time, we'll get through this together ❤️. Those urges are horrible to sit with, I've got them myself today and being exhausted makes it even harder to fight or find a reason to even bother (I'm safe). Just baby steps though sweetheart, focus on the next moment, just getting through the day however we can.

That would have been scary with Pix but I'm glad she's doing ok today.