I can’t cope

I’ve just climbed into bed. I’m so tired @MissGremlin

You were less stressed when they weren’t there. Is there any reason why they can’t go somewhere else? They cause you a lot of pain and suffering and stress.

@Captain24 I'm so glad you're in bed, fingers crossed you fall asleep quickly sweet.

Unfortunately it's not that easy or possible. It's finally gone quiet here so I'm just trying to focus on my diamond art but I'm getting sleepy.

Tonight is feeling really hard, I'm beyond exhausted but I'm scared to sleep, I don't want a repeat of last night. It's horrible that the nightmares and panic attacks have made me afraid to sleep cos going through them every night is too much.

Lately I've been getting a rage build up inside of me and that scares me as in those moments it's hard to stay in control. I try to catch it before it gets to that point but cos I'm so drained my window of tolerance is very small and once things start to build it then escalates rapidly.

It's a scary feeling to feel like I'm losing myself to things, it's changing me in ways that I don't like. I feel so stuck, like nothing I do works and like there's no help out there for me, that I'll be this way forever, just losing myself one bit at a time.

I'm safe, laying in bed with Casper snuggled up to me. I just needed to get things out, I feel so alone and scared at the moment.

Hey @MissGremlin

I wanted to pop in and say hi and I hear you. Things sound really scary for you right now :( And it's so fair to be wondering when or if things will change.

Keeping connected with others (like you're doing now on the forums) is one of the best things you can do for yourself. This community can remind you that you are seen and that you are worthy of gentleness.

I'm not sure what professional supports you have right now. Or what coping strategies you like to use. But I'll share some links to some things that might be helpful refreshers.

• After Hours Drs | 13SICK - for a bulk billed telehealth appointment to discuss sleep or mental health
• Blue Knot Helpline - talk to a trauma specialist
• Tip Sheet - some ideas of things you can do to ground yourself after a nightmare
• Grounding Techniques - a big list of ideas for grounding yourself when feeling triggered or anxious
• Self-care for PTSD | Mind - more tips!

Please do keep posting overnight if it's helping you to feel less alone in this. We're all listening.

Bandicoot

Hello @bandicoot, thankyou for all the links. I have a gp that I see regularly and a support worker that I'm meant to see once a week for an hour. I've been trying to get support but have been let down by every service possible which makes it really hard and brings up lots of feelings of rejection and being unworthy of help.

My coping strategies change constantly as things will work sometimes but not others so I'm always changing things up. During the night though I'm very limited on what I can do as I need to remain quiet.

I've just woken up after having a nightmare so I'm in a panic, it's the second time since falling asleep already. I've only managed an hours sleep so far in 30 minute intervals, it's impossible to get quality sleep when it's like this. I'm feeling so frustrated and upset that this is happening yet again, i just want to be able to sleep through the night with no nightmares or panic attacks. I'd been doing better with keeping the thoughts at bay over the past couple of weeks but now they are really strong and being so exhausted makes it hard to fight them. I've gotten up to have a cool drink and splashed a bit of water on my face. I'm safe, snuggled up with Casper in bed again, hoping I'm able to go back to sleep soon.

I can hear how disheartened you're feeling @MissGremlin :(

Please know that any failures of your service providers are not a reflection of what you deserve. Everyone is worthy of quality care and a bit of hope!

I'm glad you've got your cuddly buddy! While sleep would be ideal... even just resting in bed is restorative. So this time you're spending quietly snuggled up is not wasted.

@bandicoot it's really disheartening especially when services don't even give you a chance before saying that you're too complex or that your problems can't be fixed, that you're a lost cause. I've heard it far too many times and it makes it hard to then reach out again for fear of the same thing happening.

I'm glad I've got Casper with me and that I'm resting but I really need sleep. Not getting enough means I'm at risk of having seizures, plus I end up with hallucinations and bloodshot eyes that are incredibly sore. I just don't know what else to do, I'm trying so hard but nothing works 😞. I'm safe, I've been trying to watch some videos on my phone while I'm snuggled with Casper.

I got up and gave the dogs their breakfast and went back to bed. Mum rang me half an hour ago and woke me up. So I’ve been playing with my babies and gotten up.

My to-do list hasn’t happened. I didn’t go grocery shopping and I haven’t even started my list. I really need to bath the dogs today as Pix has to go to the vet tomorrow for a couple of hours.

Im feeling rested but no motivation, I just want to sit around for the day. Maybe if I get off the lounge and bath the dogs things may happen. I don’t know.

Both of the dogs are really happy and running around and playing. They love it when I’m home. I’m loving that I can be with them. It’s kinda just cruisy.

It’s hard to go anywhere or doing anything big as I’m also waiting on my GP to ring. Hoping he rings early as I’m out of one of my antidepressants and didn’t take any last night so I need the script so I can hopefully take them tonight.

Im not really feeling much today. Just live for my babies but nothing else. I do feel kind of relaxed I guess but all those tasks for today are looming over my head.

I’ve still been sitting on the lounge and doing nothing other than waiting for my phone appointment at sometime today.

I needed to go shopping but just didn’t want to go, I’m still in my pyjamas. I have run out of stuff. So I thought maybe I could do an online order. So I tried it. There was an option for it to be delivered now or at 5. I selected now and it arrived in 20 minutes. It was way quicker and easy then if I went into town and did it myself. I did order 2 things in the wrong sizes but I’ll learn from my mistakes. I’ll definitely do it again. It’s worth the $15 for delivery.

Hello @Captain24 sweet, I'm glad you did an online order to get things and that it arrived so quickly.

Hoping that phone appointment happens soon for you.

I bet Pix and Jett are so happy to have you home, I'm glad that you get to spend time with them.