I can’t cope

@Captain24 I will worry about you sweet.

I had seizures last night out of nowhere, I've got a bloodshot eye that's incredibly painful (I'm safe). Today I've been so out of it and I've lost hours at a time. I had to take Casper to the vet which cost alot of money, he's got ear infections in both ears but the left is worse so he's on antibiotics now. I wanted to do diamond art today but I've only just actually started doing some but I'm not sure I'll be able to for long cos my eye is really sore.

I’m sorry all that has happened. That’s a lot @MissGremlin. No wonder you haven’t been around. I was worried when I didn’t see your name pop up anywhere.

Im thinking of you. If you can’t do diamond art then that’s ok. Maybe you could get some sleep?

I’ve had a shower and jumped into bed. Hopefully I’ll be asleep soon unlike last night. But this rage has a real hold on me. See what happens

Sorry I’m not around for you for the next few days but write whatever you want or need and I’ll read it when o get home tomorrow night. Sorry there isn’t much time while I’m working. I feel bad. But after the anger outburst I really need sleep. A tired me isn’t a nice me. I have a really short fuse for idiots.

@Captain24 I just haven't had it in me to be on here today. Everything happened so fast last night, I ended up being in bed by 7pm.

Thankyou sweet ❤️. I had a sleep earlier, well more i was just out of it but I woke up in such a panic, it was truly horrible (I'm safe). I'll do some diamond art for a bit and see how I go.

I'm really hoping you can fall asleep quickly, I'm sorry that the rage has really got a hold of you and i understand what that's like. It's ok that you're not around for the next few days cos you're working. I'll be thinking of you sweetheart, take care of yourself. Sending lots of love and hugs ❤️

Yesterday should have been my niece's 19th birthday, it's the first one since she took her own life in March. There's been many posts shared everyday on Facebook, memories talked about, favourite things etc. It's lovely to read but also brings up so much hurt, all the pain comes flooding back. I've tried to be careful about getting triggered by it, limiting my time on there and only reading what I can. But it feels like i can't escape it, memories of lost loved ones and pets pop up in everyday life and it becomes hard to manage when everything floods back at once. I've really not had a chance to process any of the grief, not from my dogs or family and friends, I'm not even sure how when I still can't accept it. Anyway I just needed to get this out. I'm safe, sitting doing my diamond art.

Hi @MissGremlin

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece. Milestones like birthdays can bring so much grief back to the surface, and it’s understandable that seeing so many memories shared has made everything feel fresh again.

It also sounds like you’ve been carrying grief from multiple losses without really having the space to process any of it. That can be incredibly exhausting, especially when reminders seem to appear everywhere and make it feel impossible to escape, even when you’re trying to protect yourself.

I'm really glad you reached out instead of holding it all inside, and I'm glad to hear you’re safe and spending some time with your diamond art. Please be gentle with yourself tonight, grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s okay if it still feels overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this on your own. 💙

Hello @SunsetSunrise it all still feels so fresh. My other niece took her own life in December and i hadn't even begun to process that before finding out about my niece in March, then finding out that my uncle passed away on the same day that she did. There's been so much grief and loss within a really short time and I've mostly sat with it alone other than briefly talking about it with my counsellor that I had. I've wanted to ring griefline but talking on the phone isn't easy for me and then I'm scared that if I do open up and talk about it that I'll just fall into a heap and not be able to pick up the pieces.

There's such a fine line with the memories, it's nice to remember them but then there's so much pain with it aswell and I haven't been able to find the balance yet.

Thankyou for your kind words and for being here ❤️. I've just hopped into bed, I'm not tired yet though but trying to at least rest.

I'm so sorry that you’ve experienced so many heartbreaking losses in such a short period of time, @MissGremlin Losing two nieces and your uncle within months of each other is an enormous amount of grief for anyone to carry, and it’s understandable that it still feels so raw.

It also makes sense that opening up about your grief feels frightening. Sometimes it can feel like if we let those emotions out, they might completely overwhelm us. You don’t have to rush yourself into processing everything at once, grief is something that often unfolds over time, and there’s no right or wrong pace. Holding onto memories can bring both comfort and deep sadness at the same time, and it’s okay that you’re still trying to find that balance.

I'm glad you’ve settled into bed and are giving yourself the chance to rest. Please continue being gentle with yourself, and know that you don’t have to carry all of this grief alone.

Thankyou @SunsetSunrise ❤️.

I'm trying to wind down for sleep but there's a group of people outside walking the streets yelling and being silly with bins that they can get access to.

Wish I had a magic off switch to my brain 😂.

Bins do become like 20x more interesting after 1am @MissGremlin 🤣

Hopefully they lose interest quickly and you can get some sleep

@SunsetSunrise can't say I've ever had a fascination for bins regardless of what time it is 😂.

There's seems to be some confused magpies outside too, 1am is not time to be singing 😂.