I can’t cope

I’m glad we are too @MissGremlin

Ive done a couple of colours. I’ve been doing diamond art for a few years now. I sit at the dining table and have always done. Then today this happened for the first time!

Happy birthday! @AuntGlow making a weekend out of it sounds like an awesome way to spend it. I’m too old for that now! 😂 planning on a weekend next year though when I turn 50! Not getting a tattoo though!

At work on Sunday night I had a massive breakdown. I was in my truck and just couldn’t do anything right. I could line up in the right place just nothing worked. It had been like that most of the block except for one day. I drove forward as the digger operator put a bucket of dirt in the back of my truck and most of it landed on the ground. I thought he was going to yell at me so I just burst into tears. I’m talking sobbing, wailing, tears pouring off my chin. The cuffs of my jumper were wet, not damp but wet. I set of the fatigue camera in the truck and that scared me as I knew they would get the video and see what was going on. Everyone could tell as you could hear it in my voice on the 2 way. I was embarrassed and ashamed but it was handled really well by my boss. Better than some professionals. My meltdown was for 2 hours non-stop! He talked to me for just over half an hour, then I just took some time in the cold (1 degree!). Then I remembered my SP and went and washed my face with cold water, there is no hot water and at that temperature you can imagine how cold the water was! I had a can of cold drink that I had in my lunch box! A couple of cigarettes and went back to work. The dispatch girls gave me a simple job and then sent me on my meal break. I asked if I could do that job after my break as there was no pressure and they allowed it. My boss and the 2 dispatch girls were supportive and caring. One of the girls said don’t worry about it, she has them all the time!

@Captain24 still waiting for the picture to be approved.

Doing diamond art when you're shaking so much is really hard 😂. (I'm safe)

Oh I can imagine! They are little dots with little places to go! @MissGremlin

I hope they approve the photo soon. You’ll love it!

I have finished the entire first page of my list! I just got the washing in as dad reminded me when he turned up!

I also emailed my psych about Sunday. I’m not sure it was ok but it felt good getting it out and while I’m still embarrassed and ashamed, there is a lot of positives in it!

Working hard in being gentle today.

what picture are you doing? I really loved that penguin one. To the point that I’d love it to frame!

@Captain24 very little places to go 😂.

So glad you've finished the first page of your list sweet. Hope it went ok with Dad turning up.

I bet it felt good getting it out, I'm glad you were able to email her and I'm sure it's ok to. There's still been positives even in amongst the rough moments, you're doing well sweet and I'm proud of you ❤️.

I'm doing this one. Haha I'll just send the penguin one to you to frame 😂.

I’ll wait for the photo! @MissGremlin. The approving is slow.

I just made a phone call that I e been putting off for weeks!

That would be awesome and I can hang it on the walls with my others!

Is the shaking settling down?

@Captain24 it is very slow.

Yay, well done for making that call sweet.

I'm sure it would look amazing on your wall with the others!

It's eased a little bit I'm feeling so nauseous, I just took an anti nausea tablet before to hopefully settle it. Heart rate has been around 150 since 6am, am quite over it already 😂.

I’m glad it’s starting to settle, that heart rate would be horrible. @MissGremlin it’d feel like it was shaking your bones.

Lucky for anti nausea tablets. I’m guessing you have them on hand all the time. Hope you aren’t feeling too triggered by it.

What does Casper do while you are at the table? I have one in his bed and the other on my bed!

@Captain24 it's horrible cos both inside and outside is shaking, like my organs are trembling. My lungs are also hurting when I try to get a proper breath in which is annoying (I'm safe).

I most definitely do always have them on hand. It's really hard and is triggering but I've got a migraine so I'm trying to remind myself that it's related to that, not anything else.

Casper is curled up next to me on the chair. He keeps alerting to me cos of my heart rate but he's sleeping for now.

Hopefully it comes down soon @MissGremlin. I guess you have to link it to something to help.

I’ll see the photo if they ever approve them. Has mine come through yet?

That’s sweet that his is on to it and curled up next to you. Jett sometimes sits on the dining chair next to me!

This section is starting to come together and I should finish it before I go back to work for 5 days and then have 13 off!!!!!