I can’t cope

Hi @MissGremlin

I just wanted to check in with you

I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling like you’re losing a space that has meant so much to you. It sounds incredibly painful to feel like you can’t fully be yourself or feel safe and supported in a place that has previously been such an important part of your support network.

I’m glad you shared that you’re safe. Can I check in and ask how you’re feeling in this moment? Are you still feeling safe right now?

I hope you're getting some snuggles from Casper 💛

Hello @Nala2022 it's really hurting and I don't feel like I belong here or anywhere. I've sat with the thought of having my account deleted, part of me doesn't want them to win the other part just wants to give up and give them what they want. Why aren't I allowed to have connection, to have friends, to have support? What did I do so wrong to make them want to destroy that, to take away the one space I had that I felt safe.

I'm safe, whilst I don't feel it, I have to be. Tears are silently falling, I held them back yesterday but I don't have the strength today. Casper is dreaming away next to me, we're still in bed.

I’m really sorry you’re hurting so much right now @MissGremlin

It makes sense that this feels devastating when this community has been such an important source of connection and support for you

I’m glad you’ve told us you’re safe

For now, maybe it’s okay to just stay where you are with Casper and take this moment by moment

You don’t have to make any big decisions about your account or the future of the forums while you’re feeling this overwhelmed

We're here for you and I’m glad you’re not sitting with this completely alone 💛

@Nala2022 I have a doctors appointment soon and I know it's going to be a really hard appointment, I'll find out if he's been contacted yet and if so what he's said. I know I need to talk about things but my mind has gone blank, I can't think. I'm actually so scared for this appointment as things are so different (I'm safe).

Thankyou for your kind words and for simply being here ❤️.

It makes sense that you’re feeling scared, especially when there’s so much uncertainty and you’re waiting to find out what has happened @MissGremlin

When our minds are overwhelmed, it’s very common for thoughts to go blank or for it to feel impossible to find the right words. If it helps, you could write down just a few key points before you go, even simple things like what has been happening, how it’s affecting you, and what support you need right now. You don’t have to explain everything perfectly

It's okay, I hope the appointment goes as gently as possible, and please remember you don’t have to carry everything all at once 💛

Hey @Nala2022

The punishment is harsh. But kinda in a useful way. I get things done around the house! 😂 My house looks pretty good!

I went through a patch where things were a bit better. Not great but better and I was able to do self care and look after myself better. I was able to allow the thoughts and feelings to be distracted. I was able to do the ‘Thanks brain’ I was able to accept that I need to look after myself. I could leave the house. I could shower everyday. It was good. Then it slipped away again. My psych hoped that it would last longer but knew it was going to happen.

Today I am going to do my best to have one of those days. I slept until the dogs alarm went off at 8:30. I hung a load of washing on the line and put another one in and went back to bed and have not long woken up. I’m trying to see that it’s ok that I didn’t bath the dogs as I really needed that sleep. Of If I feel like dusting later than I will. It’s really really hard for me to be trying to think that way but I’m working on it. I’m not going anywhere today but I’m going to have a shower and get dressed instead of staying in my ok’s all day.

Im starting to come to terms with the fact that my breakdown was ok. That’s mostly because you guys are telling me and I’m trying hard to listen. One of the girls that supported me actually said that it was ok that she has meltdowns all the time. That made me feel less alone at the time but now I’m feeling a little bit better and that she knows what it’s like!

Sorry for the ramble but being open may help me do a little better today especially with the encouragement you have all been giving me. I’m about to see if @MissGremlin is up for some diamond art today.

Jow are you going today?

@Captain24 I would absolutely love to do some diamond art with you today, but it will have to be after my doctors appointment if that's ok?

Thankyou @Nala2022 ❤️. It's really hard not to carry everything at once when it's all happening at once.

I’m starting to @Jynx I have had a lot of sleep last night and this morning. It has helped a lot. I’m seeing that it was coming. It was the third nightshift. I was tired. I’ve being doing pretty much everything wrong for all but one day. The guy on the digger usually belittles everyone and I messed up and got scared he was going to yell at me and I just lost it. I did tell them at work, the kind ones helping me, that I don’t usually breakdown like that and that I was sorry. One of the girls said she doesn’t it all the time and no need to be sorry.

Si after having a better sleep and listening to you on here, I am trying to have a better day. I allowed myself to go back to bed after feeding the dogs. I hung my last load of washing out late though so it’s not going to dry! Oh well I won’t have to iron it.

But I’m trying to work on looking after myself today. It’s going to be really hard but Sunday night was a massive exhausting night for me and yesterday I beat myself up about it all day. So I know in my mind that I need to be gentle or I won’t work through it so I’m going to do my very best to do so.

Trying to make you proud.

I hope you have a good day

You were my next post! @MissGremlin.

I haven’t read through it all. But know that this here is a safe space for you. I haven’t read through got you and I’m glad you are able to feel sort of comfortable to be able to share here. I’m totally ok with sharing this space with you.

I get the feeling of being forgotten about. I don’t think the tagging thing is working or maybe everyone has forgotten about me. I haven’t been tagged in anything at all. Plus I don’t know what threads I use to go to. I didn’t do the coffee threads but I did some of the other social ones. But I do t k ow what they were called or how to find them.

Anyway this isn’t about me. All I have to do is get my washing off the line this afternoon and there is nothing else for me to do!

When is your appointment?