I can’t cope

I didn’t really sleep well @MissGremlin I had to get up a few times to go to the toilet which was frustrating. Your body knows it’s daytime so it doesn’t hold like it does overnight. Nightshift really messes

with things. But I’m getting paid for it and nightshift is better as there isn’t any bosses around just my direct boss.

The anxiety was bad until I changed but I have more confidence in that unit because the guys build me up. They called me truckie of the night. They always do and if I’m having a bad day and keep messing up they don’t hassle me as they know I get it right usually.

I haven’t read all your posts as I don’t really have the time but I did see you emailed so that’s good. You were able to get it out somewhere.

I hope today has been as good as it could be. Snuggle weather sounds really nice. It’s sunny here now. Hopefully we don’t get any rain for the next 2 nights. We haven’t had a block with out rain for 6 blocks!

I left 5 minutes early and I have made it to the smoke stop at the right time. @MissGremlin

Im going home the normal way and hoping it’s ok. That 5 minutes difference of getting home is a lot. It doesn’t sound like much but when you are rushing to get breakfast and feed the dogs it’s actually a lot.

Im only writing this so you have something to read! 😂

My body is aching though. It seems to when I’m working especially on nightshifts. But oh well it is what it is.

You should have seen the greeting I got when I got home this morning. It was amazing. They give the best greetings after nightshift but I think it’s because they have been on their own form 10:30 until nearly 8!

I hope you have a better nights sleep tonight.

Im thi king of you. As you can tell as I just wrote a post about nothing! 😂

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@Captain24 I love the fact that we were both just posting almost at the exact same time 😂.

5 minutes honestly is alot of time when you're so eager to get home especially after nightshifts.

Awww they are such cuties, they would miss you when you're not there. I love the excited greetings from dogs, you can't not smile with their tails wagging away or in Caspers case his whole body 😂.

Thankyou sweet, hoping tonight is a better night's sleep.

We'll be thinking of each other, looking forward to when you've got time off so we can do diamond art together.

Oh I just finished this one.

I’m sorry so many trauma memories have come through @MissGremlin. that happened to me with the forums so I can kinda get it but obviously the trauma that has caused it is way worse.

That diamond art is my favourite of all the ones you have done. I would have picked that one!

I had the biggest f’ed up night. I couldn’t do anything right. Every one mocked me. That’s a slight exaggeration but it felt like it. The guy in the dump was an arsehole. I went up there for the first time in the middle of the shift with no idea what was happening. He said it’s been like this all night. I nearly cried. One digger operator said ‘It had better not be like this all night! Christ!’ I nearly cried then too. Then it rain in the last hour and a half and I asked one girl what the corner was like and she said shit. I asked if we pull it up and she wouldn’t answer so I just made that call. Why can’t people think of others and not just themselves? Why am I so useless? Why can’t I do anything?

I'm really hating on myself right now. So many thoughts and urges. I’m safe. I’m extremely tired and that’s not helping. I’m going to feed the dogs early so I can get to bed. I’m really not ok today.

Sorry to just dump all that on you. I know you have way to much going on to hear it but I need to get it out.

@Captain24 oh my sweet, I'm so sorry last night was so tough. Having it feel like people were mocking you would be extremely hurtful and then dealing with the guy in the dump would have really added to that, It's no wonder you felt emotional at times.

You're most definitely not useless but I can understand those feelings and the self hatred. Being tired wouldn't be helping so feeding the dogs early and going to bed sounds like a perfect idea.

It's completely ok sweet, I'm here for you always. Sending you so much love and hugs sweetheart, try to be gentle with yourself ❤️.

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That sounds really hard. It could be the medication but it could also be the extreme stress you are under. @MissGremlin

I had a dream once, it wasn’t a nightmare as such but it was really weird and uncomfortable. It was a long one and when I woke up o still felt that I was in the dream and wasn’t sure what was real. It was like I was a zombie. I function and got ready for work and drove there. I was spaced out and kind of outside my body watching in. It did settle mostly when I got to work and had to pull myself together.

I don’t know if this is similar just not a nightmare.

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I slept really well actually. I did have to get up a couple of times but I don’t really remember going back to bed and getybacm to sleep. @MissGremlin

Im excited that it’s Friday though. 12.5 hours to go! I’m going to start tonight fresh and forget about last night. I actually feel better than I did last night to though.

It’s really cold though. It’s snowing around us and I think there will be a frost in the morning. But I can’t put the blanket on my car incase it rains which is possible. I should have worn my other jacket but it’s to late now. I’ll just have to grin and bear it. I do have 4 layers on! It’ll be alright in the truck just getting out for meal breaks is the problem.

I hope you sleep a little better tonight and don’t have the same feeling.

Have you been chatting on other threads or just this one? Oh and I’m ok with whatever you need to write! Use it as you need.