I can’t cope

I tried to mask in here all day and I think I succeeded but now it’s to hard. It has been exhausting and left me alone in my thoughts. No masking now.. my life feels like a shit show that never stops. Never ending cycle of repeat.

I have to go to work tomorrow and just don’t want to bug I have to and I will cope, well that’s what I’m telling myself.

I’ve just had a warm shower and hopped into bed. I’m pretty sure I’ll be asleep quickly.

Im doing so well that I just sat and had a whole tub of ice cream for dinner.

oh well… good night.

@AuntGlow I was very much going to write a post to say that I won't be around for a while but I recognised that the worst thing I could do is shut down. I'm honestly petrified about what's going to happen tomorrow and if it does turn into worst case scenario I'm going to need a hell of alot of support to get me through it. It will also mean revealing a part of me that I've kept out of this space.

I'm sitting in bed, chatting to an online friend while I'm doing my diamond art. I called my friend as soon as I got the phone call and told her that I needed her help, she will be taking me to the meeting tomorrow and will support me again just like she did last time. I just can't shake the fear, this is a huge thing.

Your unmasked self is always, always welcome here. @Captain24 💛

I know that you're feeling big emotions right now, but know that you are not alone.

I love that you have had a whole tub of ice cream for dinner - sometimes soul food hits the spot.

A warm shower sounds really nourishing as well.

You are doing all the right things to care for yourself. 🥰

This is really wonderful awareness. 🥰 @MissGremlin

We are here for you, okay? No matter what happens.

I am so glad you have your online friend there for you and another to be with you tomorrow.

I am sitting with you and acknowledging how big this is. 💛

Thankyou @AuntGlow, it truly means alot especially with things feeling this hard and scary.

I want to feel safe, I don't like feeling this scared but I know that nothing is going to settle things until I've had that meeting tomorrow and seeing how that goes (I'm safe). I have tears that want to come out but I'm struggling to allow myself to let them, if they start they might not stop and I'm so scared of losing control of that part of me. I'm shaking so much, all I want right now is to just be held, to know that somehow things are going to be ok.

I wonder if your friend can hold space for you to feel what you're feeling safely tomorrow? And until then, can you cuddle Casper? You absolutely will be okay. I am sending the biggest of healing, grounding hugs your way, lovely. I hope you get some rest. @MissGremlin 🥰

@AuntGlow tomorrow I have to put on the bravest face possible and pretend that everything is ok. I can't show anything but strength tomorrow. My friend doesn't cope with emotions though and we respect each other's boundaries.

Thankyou so much ❤️. I'm cuddling Casper and doing my diamond art. I'm going to try to sleep once I've finished this section.

@Captain24 Awww I love Pixies cards and gifts, she's honestly so adorable and so loved ❤️. Her cake looks so yummy 😋.

How did you go @MissGremlin 

I want to do it over here as they shouldn't be able to find you @MissGremlin