I can’t cope

@MindfulMango unfortunately my doctor is booked out weeks in advance but I have appointments scheduled every 2 weeks. I had planned to try to ring tomorrow to see if there's anything he can do but I'm not very hopeful that he'll be able to get me in.

I know that option is there but it's not exactly a viable one for me given that I have responsibilities that I can't leave (Casper and other pets).

It's really hard dealing with things alone which is why I've been trying to find support but everywhere has turned me away. Really makes one feel like they're not worth helping and that they don't matter 😞.

I've been doing my diamond art the whole day and I'm almost finished this one. Not quite sure whether I'll start another after, I'm not able to sleep so just doing my best to keep busy.

@Captain24 I finished it! 1.48am and I'm about to start another one.

Yay!!! I have to wait for the photo to be approved. @MissGremlin.

I hope you were able to have a little better night last night.

It took me ages to get to sleep. I nearly got up and did diamond art again but I stayed and tried different white noises until I found the right one for last night. I didn’t wake up during the night but I haven’t had much sleep.

I have to clean the house and make meals for work. Shower and wash my hair all by lunch time so Pix can have her party this afternoon.

What are your plans for the day?

I can’t tag a moderator to approve your post. @MissGremlin 

That is so cool! @MissGremlin. I love it.

I just have to wash the floor, shower and wash my hair and dry it and make my lunches and then I’m done u til my washing dries so I can iron and make dinners tonight for work. Feeling a little accomplished. Then I can sit and do diamond art again until my parents come around for Pixies birthday party. I still feel really down but at this stage it’s not as bad as yesterday plus I found a little bit of money in an account that I usually transfer straight away. It should cover any bills that come out in the next two weeks.

I also have another account that I won’t touch but it’ll cover some of Pixies next appointment if I need too. Just a little bit of relief. I should also get a bigger pay in 4 weeks so that’ll take some pressure off. I’ve learnt that I can really scrimp and save so I’ll keep doing that and try and get myself ahead a little bit. If Pix settles down that is. Plus I can hopefully start paying mum and dad back a bit. I owe them a lot of money.

Morning @Captain24 sweet, the diamond art turned out ok in the end.

Last night was so bad, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus on diamond art after I finished the Gremlin. Last night I was failed by 2 services that really should have actually sent support to me given the situation I was in but they didn't, they didn't care. I didn't even doze off until just after 5am and even then I was so restless and had nightmares and panic attacks. I feel so nauseous today, I'm so down in a way that I can't even explain and facing today feels like too much to even think about. I'm safe for now but don't feel it if that makes sense, I've just made a cuppa and I'm sitting in bed drinking it with Casper snuggled up to me.

I'm glad you don't have much left to do until your parents come around for Pixies birthday party, I hope it's a great time. Also do glad that you've found a bit of money to help get through, really hoping it takes a bit of the pressure off for you sweet.

I need to go to the shops today, but I'm really not wanting to, I just don't have a choice.

That sounds so hard. I struggled yesterday and the night before with sleep and the after effects and I got more than you do. I don’t know how you do it. @MissGremlin

I get the fact that you are safe but don’t feel it. I understand that well. I have it quite often. Like almost everyday. It’s exhausting and it’s like anything can tip you over the edge. But you still know that you are safe just not feeling it even more.

I just have to dry my hair and make lunches and then everything I can do is done. Mum will probably come around at about 1:30-2:00 and stay for about and hour or so. Maybe I’ll be able to fit some diamond art in there somewhere. I really want to do 1 or 2 colours which will take maybe 45 minutes.

I hope going to the shops goes ok. I despise it but I’m learning that I am able to manage to get most things for 2 weeks at once.

@Captain24 I'm not even sure how I'm functioning, but I'm not really if you look at the big picture.

The safety side of things is a huge issue at the moment, I'm having to constantly assess the situation, reach out if I need to etc. It's exhausting and that feeling of the slightest thing being able to tip you over the edge is horrible (I'm safe for now).

Hoping you can fit in some diamond art and get those 2 colours done that you want to. I've got the new one ready to start so maybe I'll get to at some stage today.

I haven't been to the shops since Friday which is honestly unheard of for me, I need to go into the chemist as they gave me one of the wrong medications so it needs to be changed over, I also need to get Casper food, he goes up to the adult version now.

You still get up and you still look after your pets. You usually eat something good throughout the day. So that’s a little bit of function. @MissGremlin I know it doesn’t feel like much and that it’s just stuff you have to do but the are all feed and happy.

It’s so horrible and so hard to live with. At least I get some reprieve at times.

I really need a nap but don’t have time before they get here so I’m about to sit down and do some now.

I sent mum to the chemist for me!! I need 4 of my medications but at least they were all PBS so it was only $30. I have to order the $100 one next week. It’s bad they gave you the wrong one.

Im lucky with dog food. We buy expensive stuff but all three dogs eat the same. So mum and I just buy different stuff and share it between each other! She will buy a new log next week and give half to me so that’s my dogs fed for nothing. But I’ve been feeding her dog for a couple of weeks. But then she got 2 flavours of kibble and I got one.