I can’t cope

@Captain24 the pic just showed up. Absolutely adorable all snuggled up with the cushions and blanket 😍.

I have heard of the colour one but have forgotten about it. @MissGremlin. I do A-Z sometimes. I actually did it on a crisis call one day when I rang back the second time. We did countries.

This is really an unusual experience for me. I do get anxiety attacks but this is totally different. I haven’t had a lot of anxiety attacks for over a year now.

I really don’t know what I need right now. I’m thinking of going and laying in bed but I’m not really tired just mentally drained. But I don’t want to stay up.

@MissGremlin sounds awesome, I do love it when it's accessible information in that way, helps me when I'm doing a bit of psychoeducation! Thanks for sharing.

@Captain24 maybe some fresh cool air, bit of measured/focused breathing could help? Shower is always good too for regulating body temp hey.

It can certainly come as a shock when we get hit with a nightmare seemingly out of the blue. Dreams are a strange phenomenon and there's a lot of different schools of thought about what they mean and why we have them. I like the theory that they provide ways for us to work through aspects of our unconscious, as well as a 'yardstick' to measure ourselves/our values e.g. sometimes we have scary dreams so we can prepare ourselves for real life scary situations. If you were horrified about something you did in a dream, perhaps it means if a similar situation were to arise in real life, you would not act in that same way. Just my two cents.

These things can be difficult to bring up - I think it's okay that it took a little time before you felt able to tell someone. Especially because there's people who don't take this sorta stuff seriously, who may belittle or dismiss your experience - because 'it was just a dream, why are you so upset' or something like that could be their response.

One step at a time. You'll work through this, I have faith in you 💜

@Captain24 countries is a good one, i also like to do animals. I've gone through them with crisis services too and also people on the forums.

It sounds like your anxiety is particularly heightened at the moment which is understandable given the nightmare and the feelings/thoughts it's brought up for you. Like Jynx said before, it can take both our minds and bodies time to process things, so just because things are like this right now it doesn't mean you'll be stuck like this forever.

Is there anything calming you could do in bed, listening to music or some nature sounds? I can hear that bed feels safe at the moment and it's ok to want to be there.

I walked around the back yard with a smoke and then did some deep breathing if the cooler air. I’ve had a shower and I’ve had some chocolate milk. @Jynx. I’ve turned my air con on cold and I’ve gotten into bed.

Im lucky with my psych. While she kept saying it was a dream it was more to try and calm me down. But she wanted the details and she want my actual life details of my aunty and uncle that were in it. I told her the story behind them and she said she never knew that. I reminded her that all we have really focused on is the here and now. We haven’t been able to delve into my past much.

Hopefully the vulnerability hangover won’t be as bad tomorrow. Hopefully my anxiety eases. I’ve done everything I can do. My hands are still tingly and I’m still feeling shaky. But maybe with some sleep that may go even though it didn’t went I slept this afternoon.

I will get through this as I just have to. Sooner rather than later would be good. But I may also wake up feeling different after actually getting it off my chest. I had stuff I wanted to talk about today but the whole session went overtime and was all based around this. I don’t see her for 3 weeks now but that’s ok as a lot can happen in that time, good things and bad things. I like to give her a list of good things that have happened as well as what is going wrong.

I can’t believe you go through this every night. It must be so hard. I’ve only had one and I’m struggling. @MissGremlin

I’ve had a shower and a walk around the backyard in the cool. I’m going to try and get some sleep and I’ll put my rain sounds on.

Thanks for helping me through this afternoon and tonight. Sorry I was a lot but I do appreciate what you have helped me with.

Im hoping you don’t hear from me and that I sleep.

I hope you can relax a little and get some sleep.

@Captain24 the panic attacks during the night are honestly so bad, daytime I'm just in a constant state of panic. It's horrible. I really feel for you cos I do know what it's like all too well.

I'm glad you've had a shower and a walk around your yard, you've done so well to keep pushing through even when things have been so hard.

I'm glad I've been able to be here for you today and I'll always do my best to help as much as I can. You haven't been alot though, you're going through a hard time and we'll get through it together.

Hoping you can get a good night's sleep but don't hesitate to tag me if you want/need to chat at all, I'll be around. Sending lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

@Captain24 glad to hear how you're looking after yourself hun, good on you.

Maybe she was trying to help you differentiate between dream and real life? I imagine this could also open the door for future conversations about your past, if that's what you want to do.

I think it will indeed get better as you go through the motions, and each day will put distance between you and the event too. Sleep almost always helps.

It sounds like you've got a good mindset about it all, and hope that you have some really lovely things to share with her next time 💜

Rest well! 😊

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

I’m learning to try and look after myself, I’m learning to try and find little self care things to do and trying to make myself do them @Jynx

She was trying to separate me and the dream. I would NEVER be apart of that in real life. I’d go straight to the police. But it makes me feel horrible that that it was I actually dreamt. She did point out that I did report it in the end after I allowed it to happen several times.

The past is an open book for me. All she has to do is ask. Everyone tells me I have cPTSD and I never really thought it was. But all these memes keep popping up on Facebook and I tick all the boxes. I have a pretty extreme case. When I told her that she just gave me a knowing look. That’s why I fail the trauma test when she does the DAS and stuff!

I will get over it, I’m hoping that by actually voicing it it will help. Someone knows and I’m not dealing with it by myself. She doesn’t know much about dreams and hasn’t had any training in it so she doesn’t really understand what it means. But worked through it step by step anyway. I just know I’m no longer alone which will help and it help to process some of it.

I think I need to find good stuff so there is some positivity in my appointments. She cheers me on when I say the things that have happened or that I have done. It feels good but it’s I think it’s also helpful for me to find some good in life.

Thanks for the hugs. I don’t sleep real well though.

I hope you had a good night

I haven’t slept well at all. I got up 3 times during the night and I got up again half an hour ago. I didn’t dream so that’s a good thing. Hopefully that has stopped.

I’ve already put a load of washing on and I’ve jumped back into bed.

Im really tired but can’t sleep. I have things I could do but just no energy. It could be a hard day. After sleeping so well Monday and then Monday night and feeling good yesterday morning it’s a real let down and massive crash. I’m feeling really depressed, I feel numb and I feel scared. I still have a bit of the extreme anxiety as well. The day hasn’t even started yet. I don’t care for today to happen. I don’t care if I don’t see it. I don’t even think I can take it moment by moment, it all feels to overwhelming. I feel the need to just disappear for the day. I’m safe, just don’t want to face the day or the world. Don’t want to face anything. It’s all too much. I don’t know that I can handle it.