I can’t cope

@Captain24 no sweet, it's not you that makes me feel that way and you absolutely never have. I feel safe talking to you and you have never judged me for my thoughts and feelings when others have. It's years of trauma that's done it, i used to get ridiculed in school for answering something wrong. Growing up i was always different to other kids in things I liked so was judged for it, I was made to wear hand made track suits so got bullied for it cos all the other kids wore name brand things. It's a huge factor on why I don't have favourite things cos I feel like the things I like are wrong.

@Captain24 the first song that came to mind was Backstreet Boys- I want it that way 😂.

@Captain24 I'm sorry for upsetting you sweet.

You haven’t upset me. What makes you think you did? @MissGremlin

I love that song thanks

I really hope it does too. @Captain24 🫶

Yes - let's do it. What strategies are you noticing are nervous-system friendly lately?
This is so, so amazing to read. And it's a true testament to your hard work and growing trust within yourself. I am so honoured to be a part of your journey. 🥰

@Captain24 cos of the way my post came across. I never meant it to come across in a way that was that I was worried about judgement from you. You've never made me feel anything other than safe and cared for.

My leave got approved. So I’ll be on holidays I. 7 weeks. It’s a long way away but at least it’s happening @AuntGlow

Im noticing that if I have a shower and get dressed morning or mid morning that I feel a little better.

I do find doing diamond art with missgremlin and just chatting random stuff is good too. We just talk about anything not MH stuff.

Other than that I don’t know.

My anxiety is sky high at the moment. To the

point that I can’t feel my hands feet all the time and when the feeling comes back it’s all tingly. I just feel so scared at the moment. Terrified! I don’t k ow why. My computer screen in my truck last night had lines directing me into the wrong places. Then I get a message to take my load somewhere else and I had no idea where I was going. I was scared I was going to get lost. Then I called up about the screen and told them about my anxiety and they worked on it and fixed it. But I was still so scared. Then I missed an assignment and I was scared I was going to get into trouble so I called up all most in tears to say sorry. I had to try and control my breathing all night. Today I have woken up the same and I’m just really scared.

I also fell into a deep depression last night and couldn’t talk. This morning we were I. The car coming back in to where we log off and everyone was laughing and I felt like crying because I just couldn’t join in.

Life is just all too hard right now and here I am sitting on the lounge instead of getting ready for work.

It’s ok @MissGremlin. I did wonder what I had done but it’s all sorted now. I’ve got a few things going on. I just wrote a post to auntglow if you want to read it.

@Captain24 oh sweet, I'm sorry you're going through this at the moment.

I get the anxiety when things go numb/tingly, it's horrible and scary. I've found that just gently wiggling my toes/fingers can help a little. Having to focus on your breathing is hard and takes alot out of you, I find I make myself panic more cos I worry that I'm not getting enough air in.

I'm here with you sweetheart and sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

I’ll try the wiggling. @MissGremlin.

Yeah I was panicking that I couldn’t get enough air. I was panicking that I’d have a panic attack. My hands are shaking and it feels like the entire inside of my body is shaking. I’m just really scared of everything. I’m safe, not that kind of scared. Just really scared. I’m scared to drive to work. I’m scared to go to work. I’m scared of being at work. I’m scared of what I’m doing tonight. I’m scared that I maybe I can’t mask it. I’m scared someone is going to notice. I’m scared of everything.