I can’t cope

Maybe they do and that’s a good thing! @MissGremlin

Im hoping you can read between the lines.

Poor old fella.

Im going to sneak my phone in but I hope you will be asleep and I don’t hear from you!

@Captain24 oh no, that's so sad to hear.

Funnily enough I'm well and truly awake now 😂.

@MissGremlin journalling doesn't suit everyone, and it's rough when you lose support. I find 'journalling aloud' (i.e. chatting into my voice notes app) easier and more natural because I don't have to think about what I'm writing, or worry about the fact my brain is faster than my hand. It helps processing to find a way to externalise things so feel free to give it a go and see how it feels. It's definitely weird at first because you're kinda talking aloud to yourself... but could be worth a go.

Laying on the lounge doing not much at all is absolutely valid, and could in itself be what you're needing. Trying so many things can drain what little energy we have, so finding ways to rest might be helpful right now 😉

I'm glad to hear you're still trying, still reaching out, and I'm rooting for you through and through 💜

@Captain24 nice one! Glad to hear it. And that's great to hear you're getting some rain!

I can hear how intense and draining it is to be caring for Pix, and I'm glad you're able to recognise that and have taken some time off! And not telling anyone - that is self-care! Protecting our energy is so important. It warms me to hear that it resulted in a sense of relief for you 💜

@Jynx i can't even try to journal aloud cos Casper then thinks I'm talking to someone and goes stupid 😂. He makes it harder to make phone calls cos he grabs the noisiest toys possible and proceeds to squeak them as loud as possible 😂.

I try to let my body rest but there's times when I have to keep busy to keep safe even though I'm completely exhausted. Today I did a few household chores and then laid on my lounge as it took so much out of me.

Thankyou sweet, I always appreciate the support and encouragement ❤️.

I was upset today, I was meant to have my support worker but every part of me wanted to cancel though I knew I needed it so was fighting to not cancel it, only to then have her message to cancel cos she was worried about it not being good weather standing outside talking but it ended up being sunny. She's the only person I've got to talk to and I only get her for one hour once a week so can't see her now until next week 😞.

@MissGremlin aww Casper! Haha valid! Maybe you could process aloud to him? Like a confession to pupper haha.

It's a tough balance to strike hey. You got this 💪

Sounds like a rough turn of events, like maybe some rejection feelings came up even though part of you may have felt relief at it being cancelled? I hope you get to see her soon 🤞

@Jynx i have conversations with him as it is 😂.

Yes indeed it is. Thankyou ❤️.

Initially I was glad that it was cancelled but then it hit me that I desperately needed that support after everything that's happened within the last week.

I'm constantly questioning what's so wrong with me that noone wants to help me. Then all the heavy feelings and thoughts set in and it's alot to sit with. I've tried so hard to get help, pushing myself to make phone calls to seek support, writing emails when I struggle to know what to say, I've poured my heart out to places and been open and honest in how I'm feeling and thinking but yet noone will try to help.

I'm safe, sitting in bed with Casper, watching a TV show and doing my diamond art.

It hasn’t been approved yet @Jynx 😢 Hopefully the boss approves it tomorrow. I really want and need that time off. Tonight it felt so far away though. I’m just so exhausted that my legs were shacking climbing the stairs to my truck. My body is just so tired and weak. I’ve just sat on the lounge and haven’t even gotten myself breakfast yet.

I don’t want to be expected to do anything by anyone. Mum knows that too. I just need to rest. I will look after her dog for a day but that’s ok. She looks after mine all the time and for me it’s one day and she is really easy to look after. I’m not doing any day trips anywhere. Just nothing. My friend from hospital would want to come if she knew but I’ll tell her after. I don’t want her or anyone here. I wish it was here already.

I hope you did get some sleep last night @MissGremlin.

My shift was ok. It wasn’t what I usually do on a nightshift but the night went fairly quickly. A crib though I got belittled by someone twice. Plus there was this lady doing overtime and she told me that I haven’t lived in this town long enough to know anything about it. Everything I said she corrected. She told me she was local. She came her when she was 10. That’s definitely NOT local. I just gave up. I don’t like her. You don’t get much more local than my family. We date back to the aborigines from this area. I just didn’t talk to anyone after that.

Sorry for the rant but it’s really annoyed me.

@Captain24 i had a really tough night and only had 2 hours of sleep. Thinking today will be a rest day hopefully.

I'm so sorry you got belittled by someone sweet, you didn't deserve that at all. Sounds like the other lady is a "miss know it all"! In situations like that i find it's better to just walk away and not entertain their crap.

It's completely ok, i hope it helped a bit to get it out.

Hoping you can get a good rest today sweet and that tonight's shift goes ok too. Sending lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Hopefully you get some rest today. I wish I could help more. @MissGremlin

It did help but I still feel so frustrated and not good enough.

I’ve just climbed into bed. I didn’t eat as I didn’t have the energy. I nearly collapsed in the shower through pure and utter exhaustion. My body physically hurts. But I guess you u der stand all that.

Hoping to sleep well. I should.

Please look after yourself today and do what you need to to get through especially resting. Get as much of it as you can. Even if you don’t sleep just sit and stop.